Shattered. Mummy was like darling, I was so worried, it was on the news, did they really make you drink stout, what is it like? I’m like, plus we had to go to like, WALES? Mummy is like, no, I’m like, srsly, have you heard of Cardiff? Somewhere near Germany I think but do not bother, they live on pies *almost voms at memory* and now Mr Cobber wants me to hate on Miliband? She’s like, at least that does not involve Cardiff but darling Willie and I wanted to ask, could you bear to cancel the election, or bring it forward, no offence to dear Dave but when everyone is SO bored?
I’m like, at least you do not have Mr Cobber outside the bathroom shouting go on mate, he eats dogs, I’m like no way Jose, he’s like be a sport Sabrina, pretty please, Lynton needs another dead cat on the table pronto or do you want people costing hubby’s frigging manifesto? I’m like, isn’t that what Fallon is for, btw, I heard Miliband once drank a glass of sherry? Mr Cobber’s like, sshhh, we’re saving that till last, well don’t blame me if you lose, Crosby Textor rule numero uno, you can’t fatten the effing barnacles on fricking market day. I’m like, OK, one last interview, actually there is this amaze indie band I could talk about, like SOOO cool, they were on in Shoreditch, totes hilair, everyone was like OMG where are we, I was like, chill, I went to art college.
Mr Cobber goes, do they do songs about the right to buy, I’m like, no, he’s like, forget it. I’m like, OK, so we bring back Nancy, God you would not believe her today, “take a hike Dad you fat loser” #bless, it is like living with Evelyn Wilde!
He’s like, got it Sabs, we see you relaxing in the tub, loads of bubbles, ever so tasteful, you’re listening to some indie crap & thinking about poor people, Daily Mail headline is “does this country deserve someone as stunning & caring as Sam Cam at No 10?”, I’m like *sighs in a loyal way* whatevs, he’s like, so that comes to just £75,000 per half hour plus VAT, will you be adding a gratuity?
As seen by Catherine Bennett
