Lawyers: is there a point at which you can technically sue Victoria Beckham for the emotional distress her interviews cause? Lost in Showbiz is moved to ask after madam has broken another silence on the hotness of her husband.
Her spotlight is this week trained upon the vast Armani underwear adverts featuring David, which have been planted on billboards around the world like so much fragrant, fragrant Cruise-nip.
"I'm proud to see his penis 25ft tall," Victoria explains in a peroration likely to delight a range of characters from her charm coach to poor sensitive little Romeo. "It's huge. It's enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I'd walk down the streets in my panties too."
Oh dear Lord ... It's like David Cronenberg swallowed John Waters. The thought of Victoria with a 25ft penis stalking the streets is giving Lost in Showbiz the kind of nightmare from which it will never recover. (Civilian 1: "My God, what is that man?" Civilian 2: "Man? That's no man. That's ... DICTORIA ...! Run! Run for your life!") In fact I now fear that's the last image I'll see before I die. Not die at Victoria's hands or anything, with the enormo-genital looming evilly over me ... No, I just think the image of a dead-eyed, monstrously be-membered Spice Girl is the kind of thing that your subconscious would throw up as a last sick joke about the menacing futility of all human existence.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. It feels better to have got some of that out there
