'Very wretched indeed': Horrible historical reviews of Scottish cities – a quiz

Broad Street, Aberdeen, Scotland. “The dull grey granite is by no means pleasant to look upon,” remarked one visitor to Aberdeen in 1860. Photograph: Culture Club/Getty Images

The author of Scotland the Worst: A Derogatory Guide to the Worst Places to Visit in Times Gone By is retired Highland police officer Charles Maciejewski, who compiled the comments as a lighthearted contrast to today’s tourism websites. “The paucity of guide books then meant that great reliance was placed on those few that were available, which created a vision of Scotland and the Scots that, rightly or wrongly, determined the manner in which the country and people were viewed,” he writes.

Below are some curmudgeonly quotes – and some rather nicer etchings of Scottish cities from the period!

1. “... the palace of Scottish blackguardism, unless perhaps Paisley be entitled to contest this honour with it ... A stink of atrocity, which no moral flushing seems capable of cleansing." Cockburn, H, Circuit Journeys by the Late Lord Cockburn, Edinburgh 1889

   1. Dumfries

   2. Livingston

   3. Dundee

2. 

   “This town above all others in Scotland, is noted for handsome women, with whom it requires very little trouble to get acquainted with.” Volunteer, A Journey Through Part of England and Scotland ... in the year 1746, London 1747

   1. Edinburgh

   2. Inverness

   3. Aberdeen

3. “If the citizens are as saturated with the Darwin theory as they are with the odour of whisky, we might almost expect that, in the course of time, they would be transmuted into whisky bottles.” Bede, C, A Tour in Tartan-Land, London 1863

   1. Glasgow

   2. Stirling

   3. Perth

4. 

   “Makes an excellent figure at a distance, does not look quite so well as you approach it, and when you come to it, is very wretched indeed.” Skrine, H, Tours in the North of England and Great Part of Scotland, London, 1795

   1. Dumfries

   2. Stirling

   3. Edinburgh

5. “Houses literally heaped one upon another, water scantily supplied, and people not much habituated to cleanliness render it, while it delights the eye, most powerfully offensive to the nostrils of strangers.” Mawman, J, An Excursion to the Highlands of Scotland and the English Lakes, London, 1805

   1. St Andrews

   2. Glasgow

   3. Edinburgh

6. 

   "A paltry town" Skrine, H, Tours in the North of England and Great Part of Scotland, London 1795

   1. Kirkcaldy

   2. Dunfermline

   3. Elgin

7. “Their manufacture is chiefly in stockings … and every morning the poor bring in loads to sell about the town … They are generally all white, when they bring them in, and exceedingly cheap; and the maid servants scour them by treading them in lye, in a large tub, which gives the strangers great diversion, for by so doing they are obliged to expose their legs and thighs, by holding up their coats sometimes rather too high.” Volunteer, A Journey Through Part of England and Scotland ... in the Year 1746, London 1747

   1. Aberdeen

   2. Dundee

   3. Inverness

8. 

   "… they have a local pleasure which is as much the staple of the place as old colleges and churches are. This is golfing which is here not a mere pastime, but a business and a passion [...] This pursuit actually draws many a middle aged gentleman whose stomach requires exercise” Cockburn, H, Circuit Journeys by the Late Lord Cockburn, Edinburgh, 1889

   1. Inverness

   2. St Andrews

   3. Perth

9. “Its streets disappointed me, exhibiting a bad miniature of the superior grandeur of Glasgow but without its beauty or regularity.” Skrine, H, Tours in the North of England and Great Part of Scotland, London, 1795

   1. Kirkcaldy

   2. Stirling

   3. Paisley

10. 

    And finally, a rather more complimentary one: "It seemed as if the rock and castle assumed a new aspect every time I looked at them; and Arthur’s Seat was perfect witchcraft. I don’t wonder that anyone residing [there] should write poetically." Washington Irving, American author of Sleepy Hollow, visited Scotland in 1817. But which city moved him to this high praise?

    1. Dundee

    2. Stirling

    3. Edinburgh

Solutions

1:C, 2:B, 3:A, 4:B, 5:C, 6:C, 7:A, 8:B, 9:C, 10:C

Scores

1. 8 and above.

   Excellent score: have a wee dram!

2. 4 and above.

   Pretty average - unlike these stinky reviews

3. 0 and above.

   Terrible, just like these reviews

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