Louis is going for an early morning walk, wondering if Henriette will be OK in Angleterre but heureux that Sweden will join him in fighting the Dutch. Versailles is looking a treat – from the back at any rate. The front is still a building site with scaffolding on both wings, but from the rear, the works look totally complete. C’est bizarre, ça. Elsewhere, Rohan is looking increasingly anxious – as well he might. He exposed the ring in the last episode, so his end must surely be nigh. Let’s hope he has time to launch his own clothing brand before he cops it.
As Henriette approaches Douvres, Fabien has started beating up the man in the plastic mask and asking him all sorts of difficult questions about William of Orange. The man in the plastic mask says rien, then mentions something about Holland which confirms Fabien’s suspicions. Just as he is about to establish la vérite, Fab is called away by the king which gives Rohan enough time to nip in to the dungeon, kill the two guards and release the man in the plastic mask. Security at Versailles isn’t as tight as it should be.
Back in Dover, Henriette has developed a pronounced French accent. “You are bankrupt,” she declares to her brother, King Charles II. “France will give you 300,000 per month for six months and a guard of 5,000 men and in return you will help us be beastly to the Dutch.” Charles caves immediately. The accent has turned Henriette into a top negotiator.
Poor old Fabien. He just can’t win. Despite doing well both to survive the poisoning and finger William of Orange as a baddy, Louis is pissed off with him. All the more so when he discovers the man in the plastic mask has escaped. Fabien declines to point out that the man in the plastic mask would never have got away if Louis hadn’t interrupted him. Instead, Bontemps tries to put in a good mot for him.
Being the Sun King-in-waiting, Louis is fascinated by all things related to the sun, so an astronomer tells him that it is the centre of the universe. Louis pauses to reflect on this profound metaphor for his own existence, but is less keen when the astronomer observes that France has shrunk a few hundred square kilometres since the Dutch swiped it back off them. In the background, Not-So-Bad Philippe is still sulking at being put in charge of etiquette.
Louis loses 2,000,000 francs to Evil Rohan at cards and Madame de Montespan gamely promises to try and win it back as his Maj troops off to bed. Fabien is hunting high and low for the man in the plastic mask but cannot trouve him anywhere. He eventually gives up and goes to search Madame de Clermont’s bedroom instead, where he finds the phial of poison hidden inside a cloak. Madame de Montespan returns to the king’s chamber having won the money back and is rewarded with a quick shag. Some people get all the luck.
The Mauvais Philippe is busy trying to persuade the Not-So-Bad Philippe that being in charge of etiquette is not such a bad gig after all. Not-So-Bad Philippe eventually goes along with it, and becomes very enthusiastic about creating ever more absurd rituals for the noblemen and women to obey at court. Back in Blighty, William of Orange has turned up to chat Charles II into reneging on whatever deal he cooked up with Henriette. Charles II suggests William marry his niece, Mary. William is a little taken aback to find out Mary is only 12. But needs must and all that.
In Versailles, Madame de Clermont is running round like a blue-arsed fly having discovered that her poison has gone missing. She is in such a tizzy that she barely gives her daughter, Sophie, the time de jour on her return from Angleterre with Henriette. In desperation, Madame de C seeks out Fabien and tells him she is sorry she lied about being posh and that she only did it because she was scared. Fabien rightfully remains unconvinced by what (even in his long history of confessions) must be the feeblest excuse he has ever heard. Moments later, Madame de C gets a note under her door inviting her to a rendezvous in the forêt. She goes, only to find Fabien and un autre homme. At Fab’s bidding, the autre homme whips out a sword and slices off her tête. Quite why he needed to go to such lengths to kill her outdoors is none too clear. A bientot, Madame de C. It’s been nice knowing you.
Henriette is feeling under the weather since her English adventure and is confined to her room to eat broth. Meanwhile the two Philippes are thrilled at having turned king and court into a piece of performance art that is to be crowned with a masked ball. Henriette eventually comes down to join in, but is looking very hot and sweaty. Either she is tres malade or someone has poisoned her. She also appears to be on wheels as she spins round and round in front of Louis and his frere. She eventually collapses. Véritablement, there are dark forces at work.
