A Vermont woman spent a week talking to a man and getting ready for a first date. Then, they met up. She quickly realized he was a creep who consistently pushed boundaries and didn’t match any of her expectations, turning a regular evening into a horror show.
“The moment I saw him, I should have just got back in my car and left,” said Ciara (@secondhandsmokeshowvt), in a now-removed video she posted on TikTok on Dec. 29. It’s since gotten over 558,000 views. Despite having immediate reasons to leave the date, Ciara went through with outing, only to end up in a dangerous, night-long situation.
Expectations versus what her date offered
Ciara was getting ready to meet a man she hadn’t met yet for the first time. The week leading up to the date, she had been chatting with him on the phone, sending voice notes and getting to know him. Everything was looking up for a first date that didn’t have any specific, intense expectations, as she described in her TikTok video.
Before meeting with her date for the first time, Ciara clarified what she usually looks for when meeting someone. She wanted to go on a dinner date and didn’t mind dressing up for the evening. She discussed her expectations firmly, to which the man she had been speaking to said he would have a “small gift” waiting for her.
Her date wanted to meet at a bar, however, insisting that he had a reason not to eat dinner on the first date. Ciara hesitantly agreed, but had a slight problem with the plan. They were meeting on the first day of her workweek. She realized that meeting at a bar would be a bit harder for her, considering she wouldn’t be able to eat beforehand. This made her feel slightly concerned, but she tried to be understanding in case he had a specific, tangible reason for not wanting to eat on a date.
Ciara notices something is off with her date as soon as she sees him
When meeting the man in the bar parking lot, the first thing she noticed was that his height did not match what she expected. He said he was 5 ‘9, but in actuality, he was closer to 5’ 4. He also misled her regarding his physical fitness, as he wasn’t as fit in person as his pictures presented.
Even though she didn’t feel a physical spark, Ciara went through with the date. She didn’t note any “gift” or flowers for her as he had described on the phone. Instead, the man immediately went in for an uncomfortably long hug, which the Vermont local recounted as lasting “three minutes.”
“[He would] not release me from this [hug]. I was like, ‘oh ha. nice to meet you,’ and kept trying to pull away. He literally would squeeze me and pull me in… I am not a physically touch person on a good day,” Ciara recounted, “ you’re a stranger. I don’t know you, [and] I don’t wanna [expletive] hug you.
They got inside and sat down, ordering drinks at the bar. Then, the man started negging Ciara, a tactic often used to make women feel belittled and lower their confidence going into an outing. As Ciara described, “They put [the drinks] down in front of us and he’s going, ‘your personality is so different in person.’ And I’m like, ‘How is it different in person?’ He goes, ‘You’re more mature. You seem like a teenager over the phone.’”
She immediately noticed that the conversation was not flowing. Despite this, she felt like she couldn’t get out now that she was already in this situation.
The man keeps supplying drinks, despite Ciara wanting water
The evening continued, with conversation sitting at a meager standstill. The man offered to get another cocktail for the pair, and Ciara agreed. Then, she realized she might need to start drinking some water.
Her date went to the bar to grab her some water, which was relieving. However, he brought back tequila shots instead. This made her feel pressured to drink more, even though she didn’t really want to.
“The thing about me is… I’m not a quitter,” Ciara said, while explaining the decision to drink more. So, she knocked back the shot.
Unusually, though, she started to feel incredibly inebriated, despite having the tolerance to handle the drinks she had that night. At that point, she had only had two drinks and one shot. “ Even over the course of an hour and a half with not a lot of food in me, I shouldn’t have been as [expletive] up as I was,” she told her audience.
She decided to go to the bathroom to take a quick break from the date and regroup her thoughts. Then, he followed her there.
Her date follows her to the bathroom
Ciara noticed that her date was trailing her to the bathroom. There were only two stalls inside the restrooms, so Ciara locked herself inside one and started texting her friends.
By that point, her date had locked the door and shut out the lights. He was waiting outside the restroom for her to come outside.
“ I’m dumbfounded because one, I’m super [expletive] up,” Ciara told her viewers. “I’m texting my friends and I’m saying, ‘I am so [expletive] drunk right now. Both of my girlfriends were like, ‘How many drinks have you had?’ And I told them, and they were like, you shouldn’t be that [expletive] up.”
She realized she needed to enter survival mode, as she was in a perilous situation. “ I’m in a locked bathroom in a bar that maybe has five people in it total,” Ciara said. That, in combination with the fact that there was no one in the bathroom stall at the time, scared her. She pushed her way out of the stall and told the man to leave the bathroom at that point.
“I’m like, ‘What are you doing? Get out, get out, get out, get out,’ Ciara said. “And he goes, ‘No, it’s fine.’ He says, ‘You’re so different. I thought you were a sexual person.’”
He refused to leave the bathroom, so Ciara had to physically push her way out of the stall to leave.
Ciara heads to the bartender and asks for water, only to get another tequila shot
Already incredibly inebriated, Ciara left the bathroom and asked her date for water again. She then received another tequila shot.
She recounted that she “should have said no,” but didn’t know how to in that situation. Ciara said she was close to blacking out, something that had never happened to her before.
“ I’ve never been blacked out,” she said. “I had two cocktails and two tequila shots and I couldn’t function.”
She asked her date not to let her drive home, so he offered to take her back to her place. She immediately said no, telling him that her mom could get her. He insisted upon “helping,” so they planned to Uber to her house. He was supposed to Uber back to the bar to pick up his car, but the plan changed.
The situation blurs, as Ciara blacks out
From there, Ciara doesn’t remember as many details. That’s because by that point, she had blacked out.
It’s unclear based on her story whether or not they took his car after all, or if they Ubered originally. But when Ciara woke up, she was “cuddling” with the man on her couch. She didn’t even remember entering her house or anything that transpired, and her car was there at the home. Clearly, the man had driven her car home, possibly after Ubering the first time.
She jumped up and immediately told the man that he needed to leave her house. He tried to refuse, saying that there was a snowstorm outside and it would be dangerous for him to cross the border to Canada at that time of night.
Ultimately, she relented and offered him the guest bedroom in her home, and then took her dog out to pee. When she returned to her bedroom, she found the man in his underwear on her bed. She said that he would “not stop trying to touch” her. Ciara reiterated that he needed to sleep in the guest bedroom, and he finally, seemingly, gave up on his attempts to sleep in the same bed.
Then, later in the night, he tried to crawl into her bed wearing nothing, which made Ciara move to her own guest bedroom to avoid him. When the morning finally came, the man gave her the “silent treatment” the entire car ride back to his car as she explained that his behavior was suspicious and she suspected he may have drugged her.
Blocking her date and moving on
Later, Ciara posted a long, tirading voice note the man left her, which emphasized that he “had a very good time” with her, but that they should watch out for her alcohol tolerance if they go out again. After this point, Ciara did not message back and blocked the man. She had already mentioned to him that she was highly suspicious of his behavior during the car ride, something that he seemingly ignored.
The Mary Sue reached out to Ciara for more information.
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