COLUMBIA, Mo. _ Surrounded by memorabilia in his home, Gary Pinkel turned toward a collage of images from the unforgettable 2007 game at Arrowhead Stadium when his Missouri football team beat then-No. 2 Kansas to vault atop the national rankings for the first time in 47 years.
"That was quite a moment. Historically, that was huge," said Pinkel, noting he'd never point to one game as his favorite memory before adding, "It's hard to match that game, you know?"
It's also hard to duplicate the all-consuming adrenaline flow that came with the work that Pinkel immersed himself in for 39 years _ including 15 at Missouri before he retired following the 2015 season a few months after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma.
Then and now, the fourth season since he left coaching, the winningest coach in Mizzou history had conviction about the decision.
"My biggest concern was if I'm dead in seven years and I was still working 80 hours a week, 40 weeks out of the year, that's irresponsible" to family and friends, he said. "The biggest thing for me was, 'Am I spending my time right?' "
But Pinkel, who jokes that he expects to live to be 160 after undergoing new treatment in May when his cancer came out of remission, naturally grappled with the transition that first fall. Suddenly, he was confronted with life outside the cocoon he had been sheathed in on game days for 25 years as a head coach.
When Missouri opened at West Virginia that season, he woke up at 3 a.m., as he typically had on game days. Later, he started crying while out running errands.
At MU's first 2016 home game, he had a more direct contrast with the feeling he'd long known of just being "just gone," in a command-mode zone where he wasn't even cognizant of people in the stands.
Sitting in a suite, he practically jumped from the rattling boom after an MU score.
" 'That's the cannon,' " his wife, Missy, remembered telling him, noting the ROTC tradition that began in 1895. " 'Now, watch: They'll do pushups. See them? They do one for every point.' "
Over time, Pinkel learned to appreciate life beyond the tunnel vision, and the freedom of spending more time with his three children and eight grandchildren. He'll tell you now he doesn't miss coaching, per se, and in a way he was at peace.
Most of us need a particular sense of purpose, though, don't we? Maybe all the more so when it comes to high-energy people who've spent decades always conscious of moving forward.
