DELE’S SWANS DIVE
Perhaps because it led to only one of the five goals Tottenham Hotspur scored past the training cones of Swansea City on Saturday, the preposterous dive with which Dele Alli gulled referee Jon Moss at White Hart Lane on Saturday was greeted more with amusement than the kind of sanctimonious, spittle-flecked outrage and indignation more usually reserved for such antics. Previously the sole domain of dirty, cheating foreigners, Alli’s perfectly executed forward two-and-one-half somersault with pike is the kind of duplicitous behaviour that has only in recent years been adopted by formerly upstanding (in every sense of the word) Englishmen. Indeed, former Manchester City legend Franny Lee is widely credited with leading the vanguard for homegrown players as recently as the 1960s, about 30 years before the German Jürgen Klinsmann, another Tottenham Hotspur player, was widely derided for officially introducing this scurrilous practice to the English game.
Of course Alli’s manager, Mauricio Pochettino, has long had first-hand experience of gravitationally challenged Englishmen, having been the hapless Argentinian defender over whose wafting, outstretched leg Michael Owen famously swan-dived to earn the penalty that consigned the South American side to defeat in the group stages of the 2002 World Cup. “Don’t believe that English football is fair play always because Owen jumped like he was in a swimming pool,” he said. “Come on. I didn’t touch him. I promise you. It’s true. I think today football is more global. England is more like European football. Now we have the influence of the Latin people that try to cheat always. Maybe you were more pure 20, 25, 30 years ago. Now you are like us.” It’s a charitable view that doesn’t stand up to much scrutiny as the study of ye olde English footie footage confirms, but it’s nice of you to say so Mauricio.
While Swansea boss Bob Bradley described the decision to award Spurs a penalty “a game-changer”, presumably in so far as it delayed the inevitable opening of the floodgates by a mere six minutes, former referee Howard Webb has said Alli is in danger of earning himself a bad reputation as a serial diver, like Lee, Owen, $tevie Mbe, Ashley Young and various other foreigners before him. “It was a dive and Dele Alli needs to be careful he doesn’t get a reputation,” Webb said. “Although referees will go into the game trying to be neutral, you can’t unsee what you have previously seen a player do, so these things subconsciously affect the way referees view him.” Webb is correct in so far as that what has been seen cannot be unseen … a sentiment with which angry Swans fans who’ve been watching their side’s defending in recent matches will wholeheartedly agree.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We are fighting for justice. We have all been through it and we just want justice” – former Crewe player Andy Woodward speaks at the launch of The Offside Trust, an independent organisation that will support victims of sexual abuse in sport. Woodward called on the English Football League, Football Association, Premier League, Professional Footballers’ Association and commercial organisations that profit from the game to donate money to the cause.
FIVER LETTERS
“I read the Fiver daily and gotta’ say I really enjoy it. The letters, though, are a mystery to me; I read them and while I often understand the jokes, I cannot muster the ability to write any humor like that. As a semi-retired American living in Spain, it’s not simply ‘dumb ‘murican doesn’t chuff our jolly old humor’ or whatever you Brits would say. (‘Chuff’ is a word, isn’t it? Maybe it’s Scottish, I dunno.) Anyway, I’ve got a wide assortment of penis size jokes (some don’t even involve Donald Trump) or mom jokes that I’d like to submit, but I also don’t want to be blacklisted for being too crass. Is that possible? Being too crass, I mean? Oh, by the way, your coverage of the Seattle Sounders is terrible. We’re in a Cup final next weekend, for Pete’s sake, get on our level, Fiver” – Paul Cox.
“I was going to read Ben Graham’s letter (Friday’s Fiver) all the way to the end, but couldn’t be bothered” – Colum Farrelly.
“OK Ben Graham, I’ll take the bait, along with my 1,056 fellow readers. The thing that fills me with ennui is the gratuitous attempt to provoke a pedant frenzy with an archly knowing controversial use of the word ‘disinterested’. Yes, yes, I know it has been used to mean ‘uninterested’ since Adam failed to be entertained by Eve’s fruit shopping anecdotes, but you know that we’re all going to find it offensive and not be slow to point it out. Satisfied?” – Dale Sellers (and 1,057 others).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Paul Cox.
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And former Newcastle player Emre has appeared out of nowhere to launch some invective the way of Sam Allardyce and a soft, cohesive substance. “He was a terrible coach – his relationships, innuendo, the way he would chew his gum. I had nothing to hide, but he always had secretive walls around him and huge gum that he was chewing constantly,” he roared.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s Monday. It’s ten talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action.
It’s Monday. It’s Sid Lowe’s La Liga roundup, with the focus on plucky little Barcelona and Real Madrid.
It’s Monday. It’s Paolo Bandini’s Serie A wrap on how the Rome derby descended into disrepute.
It’s Monday. It’s Sean Ingle’s column on how brainy folk in white coats might be able to measure football IQ.
It’s Monday. Um.
It’s Monday. Ah.
It’s Monday. It’s Raphael Honigstein’s Bundesliga blog – appearing here soon.
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