As a woman and as a mother I take issue with several arguments put forth in your article on attachment parenting (Never let me go, Weekend, 30 July). I am most disturbed by the presentation of attachment parenting, or AP, as “maternal masochism”. This comparison mocks the life-and-death struggles of millions of women and undermines the gains of so many more.
Growing up in conservative Latin America, I saw at first hand how the domestic can be used to oppress women – women who had no choice when to have children and who were then captive to all household work with no choice, recognition, voice, or joy. To compare this in any way to the vast array of parenting methods that fall under AP is preposterous.
Women following attachment parenting are, first and foremost, choosing their role in parenting. They are active agents investigating their option, researching data (so much for anti-intellectualism), weighing up options (because in our current patriarchal society, we cannot have it all at the same time) and making hard choices – but their choices. This is crucial: AP is feminist; it acknowledges women, men and children as agents with value, and seeks methods that respect these agents. And quite often the choices of AP are wonderful – I have yet to meet a person who thinks “I wish I’d had fewer cuddles from my babies”.
Moreover, other parenting gurus who decry AP are not setting out to liberate women. The rules and schedules are not there so women can enjoy wine while having their feet rubbed. More often the schedules are set out so women will not be disrupted from the burden of household chores and/or paid labour while their partner is not inconvenienced.
Parenting is hard, and it is harder when it challenges the status quo. This is AP’s greatest crime.
Dr Karem Roitman
Oxford
• No particular brand of parenting will necessarily be perfection. At its best, parenting is a negotiation between belief and practice, and a willingness to take the child’s view into account. From the age of 10, peer group pressure is paramount. The best that can be achieved is through showing by example such attributes as respect for others, ability to listen and inner self-confidence to do what is considered to be right. Then all you can do is watch, listen to their emotional selves and, if asked, help. When they are adult, you congratulate yourself that they seem happy in spite of their upbringing – never mind if they are not Mozarts or Hawkings. Job done.
Val Mainwood
Wivenhoe, Essex
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