It's that man again. Barclays chief Matt Barrett is "moving on", in the current jargon, from the pay cheque row and the branch closure debacle and preparing to host "eday" (geddit?), which is just like D Day except the latter was about the liberation of Europe and the former is about Barclays' "technology and e-commerce strategy". Letters of invitation from Mr Barrett's office to the event on May 23 kick off with the obligatory split infinitive before diving into a quicksand of mixed metaphors. Guests are promised a "greater insight" along with the chance to "'kick the tyres'" of New Barclays, a company that has no intention of "falling by the wayside" but wishes only to identify the "real substance" among the "flood of rhetoric". Phew! Put that little lot together and one is left with the impression of a lot of discarded car tyres bobbing forlornly on a torrent of floodwater. Not, perhaps, quite what Barclays had in mind.
Elsewhere at vulture HQ, Paul Barber, the PR man who held the forward foxhole during the above-mentioned publicity disasters, is on the move. Working for his new employer, the Football Association, may seem eerily familiar, despite the obvious differences (representing a shifty bunch of suits on the make who can't string two words together, as opposed to representing the governing body of the association game). In particular, handling the emotive issue of branch closures ought to be excellent training for handling the emotive issue of Wembley's twin towers (the removal of). Mr Barber displays the serenity that comes from (a) no longer fielding outraged calls about the loss of Little Sodding's bank branch and (b) being a lifetime football nut (Tottenham) who is joining the board of the FA next month.
In the silver lining department, EU budget commissioner Michaele Schreyer has unearthed yet another reason why the euro's successful launch (that is, collapse) is an unparalleled triumph. Most agricultural commodities are priced in dollars, she notes, and the euro's 25% slide against the US currency will save about €500m from the Brussels bill for subsidising farm exports which are sent across the Atlantic. Tremendous news! So, if the euro's "progress" continues at this rate, we'll have saved a whole billion by November next year. The only fly in the ointment is that, at just half a billion euros per 17 cent drop, the currency will be worthless long before the €40bn a year farm budget is eliminated.
Elsewhere on the European stage, a big hello for iX (previously the London stock exchange and its sister outfit in Frankfurt). And iX stands for? "International Exchanges", replies the betrothed London bourse. Or perhaps "international Exchanges"? It doesn't matter; the new exchange, in the modern manner, will never be known as anything other than "iX", which looks unfortunately like the appellation of a short-handed cricket team.
Sportsmanship of a more traditional type was on display at the IMF summit in Washington in April, where gaming fever swept the British contingent and - as disclosed here - one notable bet centred on how many times Gordon Brown would use the word "stability". Distressingly, we learn of another Washington wager, this on the likely replacement for Charles Goodhart on the monetary policy committee. Britain's economics correspondents made their bets and the $6 stake money was held by the Treasury's John Kingman. None guessed correctly (Chris Allsopp of New College, Oxford), causing great glee in Great George Street. Mr Kingman suggested the pot ought properly to be donated to the Exchequer, on the candle- end principle that every little helps. As a compromise, the $6 is to go to charity, we hear, (a proper one, not the Treasury).
Finally, grumbles from behind the wheel as the bus and rail group Stagecoach, on the south coast, offers drivers a 2.1% pay rise - "not even RPI", says our spy in the cab. But it seems wage militancy is being fuelled less by fine economic judgments than old-fashioned professional amour propre . In the soaraway south east, it seems, Stagecoach's hourly rates are being left behind, and just the other day our man spotted an advertisement in Lewes offering a Stagecoach-beating £7.50 an hour "for driving [wait for it] a Transit van". Lady Bracknell's mobile number, anyone?
