A man has been branded 'ungrateful' after refusing to change his surname to match the man who raised him, despite confessing he 'owes everything' to him. The man was taken in by his uncle and aunt after his mum passed away, when he was around 10, as his father had already remarried with a new family.
Since then, his uncle has raised the man as his own, and has always treated him as equal to his biological son, who happens to be the same age. “My uncle treated me very well and my cousin also treated me just like his own brother,” he wrote on Reddit’s AITA forum.
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Growing up, whatever his uncle would buy for his cousin, the man would receive too, so when one of them got a new, expensive laptop, the other would get one too. When the cousins turned 18, they even both got their very own car each.
“Needless to say, I am very grateful to have them in my life. Everything I have and that I am, is owed to them,” the man added. “However, my relationship with my uncle has hit a slight snag recently.”
In their culture, the man explained, it is considered normal for parents to help their sons purchase a home when they get married, as couples tend to marry young and often haven’t been working long enough to save up for a deposit.
“For a man not to have a marital home is considered a disadvantage and the women's family may not accept the proposed union,” he continued. “So a man having a marital home is very important.”
Now he is of an age to marry, the man has turned to his uncle to ask for help in buying a marital home and his uncle has agreed, on one condition - he must change his last name to his.
“Last names are a big deal in my culture so this is not something that is taken lightly,” he explained.
“My uncle said since he's been more like a father to me than my own father, and also as a remembrance of my mother, I should change my last name to his. So basically, no change in last name = no marital home.”
He told his uncle that he felt it was “an unfair demand” due to cultural expectations and the fact changing it could “trigger uncomfortable questions” from people, but his uncle doubled down on his request.
“My uncle insisted that if I refuse to change my last name I would have to buy the marital home on my own, which is impossible because I'm a fresh grad and it could take me YEARS to even save up for the down payment,” the man wrote.
“This could seriously set me back in terms of a romantic relationship and future marriage. Because of our disagreement, things between my uncle and I have become awkward.”
Although the man hasn’t spoken to his cousin and his aunt about the situation, he has confided in his closest friends, who came to the conclusion that he was in the wrong for not being willing to change his name.
“I am very thankful to my uncle and what he had done for me, and I would gladly take up the responsibility alongside my cousin to take care of him in his old age,” he concluded.
“It is just that I really don't think I should be forced into making a fundamental identity change and be punished for not doing it.”
One Reddit user replied: “Your uncle has been your father since you were 10. The last thing that will legally state that you are his son is the change of your last name which is the only reminder of your sperm donor.
“Refrain from looking back in the past, instead look forward to your future.”
“Change your name and be done with it. At this point he's your dad. Not your sperm donor,” another agreed. “Seeing as your culture sets a big deal on this, this is the best way to honour your family.”
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