Parents can be set in their ways, especially when there’s a traditional or cultural element involved. Even after you’ve left the house and proven you can actually be an adult, they often still feel entitled to aspects of your life you’d rather keep to yourself.
One woman was getting pressured by her Chinese in-laws to reveal the gender of her unborn baby, to the point where things were getting unreasonable. After endless badgering, the woman’s husband stepped in to lay down the law, but now the woman is asking an online community if holding out was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Parents-in-law can be the worst if they’re entitled, and this woman’s parents tried to take the whole cake
Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite the fact that she preferred to keep the gender of her unborn baby a surprise, the traditional couple wouldn’t stop badgering her about it
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The elderly couple has already expressed their disdain at her parents’ “misfortune” for only having girls, leading her to think they’ve got a problem with a female baby
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The overbearing mother-in-law even tried turning on the waterworks, urging the father-in-law to slam his son for upsetting her so much
Image credits: Adorable_Willow_4984
Finally, the woman’s husband laid down the law, threatening to “burn down” his parents’ family tree, but now the woman has asked netizens if she’s the jerk for standing firm
At 27 years old, OP is 22 weeks pregnant and over the moon. She and her husband agreed they didn’t want to know their baby’s gender, since that didn’t really matter to them; they’d be happy either way. However, while they were all smiles, her mother-in-law had other ideas… and was not shy about expressing them loudly.
The problem didn’t start with the pregnancy. OP, who is Caucasian, says her Chinese in-laws have always made comments about her being one of six girls, calling her family “unlucky” for not having a boy. Meanwhile, they bragged about having a son on their first try. She usually ignored it, but it still stung.
Once she got pregnant, things escalated fast. Her MIL started pushing to know the baby’s gender and even cried when told it would be a surprise. OP fears how her in-laws will react if the baby is a girl. Her husband is supportive, but the pressure is clearly threatening to grind him down too.
In an edit to her original post, OP shares that when her in-laws stopped by (uninvited) to push the gender issue again, she braced herself to intervene, but it was her husband who shocked everyone. He told them the baby’s gender was none of their business and, if they kept pushing, any future sons would take her last name. He even threatened to “burn” the whole family tree before showing them the door.
Image credits: itchaznong / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us in her post, her in-laws are a classic case of entitled and overbearing parents who haven’t got a clue about boundaries. If you’ve ever had to deal with an insufferable in-law, you can probably relate. So, what’s the best way to deal with a toxic in-law? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Marriage, Rachael Pace writes that managing relationships with in-laws can be tricky, especially when they start to feel more like toxic in-laws. According to Pace, sometimes understanding what’s happening is the first step toward finding a way through it. Clear signs of toxic in-laws include constant criticism, boundary violations, undermining your parenting, and playing the victim.
In her article for BalancedMinds, Sanah Kotadia recommends a few effective strategies for setting boundaries with problematic parents-in-law, including communicating beforehand with your partner so you’re both on the same page, setting boundaries early in the relationship, remaining respectful and empathetic, reinforcing boundaries consistently, and following through with consequences if boundaries are crossed.
While his parents might be offended, we’d say OP’s hubby stepped in at just the right moment. At the very least, they’ll think twice before pushing the gender agenda again and leave the couple in peace – at least until their grandkid actually arrives, that is.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Have you got your own story of unhinged in-laws? Let us know in the comments!
