Name: OneNation.
Age: Brand new.
Appearance: Untainted.
Is this One Nation, the disaster relief charity that was investigated for management failures? I thought it had been going for years? Ah, no. It’s a political party.
You mean the notorious Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party in Australia? Wasn’t that founded in 1997? It was. This is a British party, just announced by Henry Bolton.
That guy who had to be evicted from the Ukip leadership after he pretended to dump his girlfriend for saying that Meghan Markle would “taint” the royal family? Yes. That’s how people think of him right now. But that will change when OneNation becomes a new political force.
How is it going so far? It has 54 followers on Twitter.
I suppose it’s a start. What policies will OneNation offer Britain? That part is still vague.
Tax relief for racist girlfriends? Perhaps. “Policies are being drafted,” according to the party website. All we know at this stage is that they, or at least Bolton, plans a “100% leave party”, which “believes in Britain” and will “preserve our national identity, culture, heritage and confidence”.
Ukip 2: Henry’s Revenge. Heavens, no. This is something quite new. Ukip “has sadly lost much of its influence and ability to shape national events,” says the OneNation website.
Agreed. Except for “sadly”. So Bolton has risen again to carry on the fight? Au contraire. The promise now is to reunite Britain after its “highly divisive” Brexit debate.
How will a “100% leave” party reunite a country where 48% voted to remain? That’s still being drafted.
And why on earth would you think the man for the job was Bolton? He couldn’t even unite Ukip. Well …
The man whose own girlfriend told LBC that “maybe the public shouldn’t trust him”. All right, that’s a problem.
The man who is now actively trying to divide Ukip by launching a new party! Look, I’m sure all will become clear in the fullness of time.
I’m not. It just sounds to me like a bitter relaunch. Nonsense! Ukip is purple, for one thing. OneNation’s colour will be British racing green.
British racist green? You heard.
Do say: “We all need to come together as one nation.”
Don’t say: “Which, as always, means everyone agreeing with me.”
