Top UFC middleweight Sean Strickland has revealed his troubled past as a white supremacist and his desire to murder someone.
Strickland raised eyebrows in August after his win against Uriah Hall when he said he would "love nothing more" to kill somebody in a fight.
The 30-year-old is currently one of the best middleweight fighters in the UFC, winning his past five fights but saw a clash with Luke Rockhold postponed when his opponent suffered a herniated disc.
And Strickland has now opened up about past fantasy of murdering someone and credits MMA for saving him from doing so.
"I would walk down the street with like a knife or a rock hoping to kill somebody," he told MMA Fighting. "I always say the difference between me and a lot of people, like you can watch 'Dexter', you can watch 'The Punisher', you can watch movies and you can think about killing, but I was on the path to where I was gonna act it out.
"I was fantasising, so I think that’s why my mum took me to train. Once you start fantasising enough about it, you start putting yourself in situations to act out the fantasy.
"Training allowed the outlet for the fantasy to stop. I’d just go train, I’d fight, go train, I’d fight, go train, I’d fight. But if it wasn’t for that, I fantasise about it all the time."
Strickland explained that his violent thoughts came as a result of a troubled past, which included a troubled relationship with his now-deceased father.
He went on to explain the influence of his grandfather in pushing him towards neo-Nazism and racism as a youngster, adding that he is “ashamed” of that period.
“My grandfather was like this big big piece of s***. Like when you’re a kid though, you don’t see that, you hero worship. He just kind of liked filled your head with crazy s***," he continued.
"You’re in seventh grade spouting off like Nazis... you don’t even know what that means, but you hear it.
“He was a massive figure that wasn’t my dad. That identity consumed me. I was drawing swastikas on my arm walking around in school. Like, I didn’t know what the f*** that was."
Strickland thinks the cause of all his issues could be his abusive upbringing.
And although he plans to seek help once his MMA career is over, he admitted to liking the troubling thoughts he still has today.
He added: “I like it. I like when I leave my house, the potential thought of ‘maybe I can kill someone'.
"After I’m done with MMA, I probably will work on rewiring my brain and maybe finding more value for human life. Maybe try to connect more with people. But now, I f****** like it. I f****** enjoy it, you know?”
Strickland was set to fight former champion Luke Rockhold at UFC 268 on November 6, but Rockhold withdrew citing a back injury.
The UFC is yet to confirm if Strickland will remain on the card.
