It can be all too easy to pick up one's Sunday tabloid and mutter "typical footballers" at the front-page splashes of Wags and super injunctions. But you are a bit different, Joey Barton (@Joey7Barton). Previously best known as the footballer most likely to stub his cigar out on your eyeball, the perception of you changed once you joined Twitter and began sharing your thoughts on Monet, Orwell and Nietzsche.
However much of a revelation you may have been, given your propensity for trouble, a few more pointers probably couldn't hurt. So here are some tips to finding Twitter enlightenment.
Cultural immersion
Your recent transfer to QPR has meant a move to London and, like a Scouse Melvyn Bragg, you have kept us informed with trips to art galleries ("Tate Modern summary; some great pieces, some good pieces, some weird/strange pieces and then some pieces an infant leaves in their nappy!!!!"), museums and the theatre ("Jersey Boys interval.......didn't realise how many decent tunes Frankie Valli and the four seasons had"). Keep it up. Your tweets are cheaper than a copy of Time Out.
Steer clear of text speak
One defining feature of many footballers' Twitter accounts is the use of text speak. Rio Ferdinand is the chief culprit: "I 8 2 tell you this @piersmorgan but....I been watching the Goonies again with my lil men...the truffle shuffle is classic, reminds me of u!"
You, on the other hand, are keeping it classy: "My two words of the day today. Tomfoolery and Aplomb. I've heard them both in different contexts in the last hr and it has amused my greatly (sic)." The word of the day toilet paper is doing you proud.
Play nice
While I'm usually a fan of your straight- talking nature, sometimes it's nice to be nice. Perhaps give poor Robbie Savage (@robbiesavage8), competing on Strictly Come Dancing a bit of encouragement rather than: "@robbie savage8 Good luck tonight Sav, ill be watching in hysterics #menin sequinsis abignono."
And what about Gavin Henson? Still still plugging away on Channel 5's The Bachelor, trying to find himself a new wife through the romantic medium of reality TV. Do you think your critique ("'The Bachelor' should be called 'The Bellend'") is really helpful?
Words can cut deep, babe. Sensitivity.
Lots of love
