“You might be wondering what I am doing here this afternoon,” said David Cameron to a group of about 200 workers at O2’s Leeds’ headquarters for his latest PM direct meet and greet. He wasn’t the only one. Many employees seemed to have found remaining at their desks and answering spam emails a better use of their time than standing around listening to the prime minister. A few of those who had made the effort to squeeze themselves into the atrium unkindly speculated that Cameron was trying to make trouble in Ed Balls’ constituency. Unkinder souls still speculated that the prime minister would rather be anywhere than in London for the latest televised leaders’ debate.
Cameron was keen to put everyone’s mind at rest. “The reason I’m here is because I want a jolly good debate,” he declared. “And unfortunately Nick and I aren’t allowed to join the televised debate because it’s only for the challengers.” This wasn’t strictly true as it was Dave who had made up the rules for the debate in the first place and Clegg has spent much of the last week begging the broadcasters to allow him to take part. “I’m sorry Nick,” the BBC had replied. “It’s for challengers. Not also-rans.”
“So I came here to Yorkshire because I know Yorkshire people are never shy of voicing their opinions.” And some Conservative politicians are still never shy of sounding patronising about Yorkshire people. As PM Directs go, this one was probably more direct than most as Cameron found himself rather closer than he had bargained for, as the audience was within touching distance of the prime minister’s rolled-up sleeves and waxy forearms. It wasn’t immediately clear who felt their personal space was being most invaded, though it was by the end. At least 30 O2 workers decided they had had enough within half an hour and sloped back to their desks. You can have too much of a good thing.
Early on, Cameron looked as if he might have been regretting his decision not to take part in the televised debate as the questions were a great deal tougher than anything he had been asked at the last leaders’ debate. “The IMF say your figures are going to leave the country with at least a £7bn deficit,” said the first questioner. “Hmm,” said Cameron. “That is very annoying of the IMF. But their figures are based on the assumption that I will have to form a coalition government. I believe that I can win an outright majority and if we do then my figures are absolutely right and we will suddenly have a £7bn surplus.”
Having established that he was the only person in the building – if not the country – who believed he has a serious chance of winning an overall majority, Cameron was keen to move on. He did his best to keep it informal and jokey but he was finding it harder and harder to pick someone out who would ask him a tame gimme. “Why have you cut legal aid?” a woman asked. “I voted Tory last time but I won’t now.” “That’s a very good question,” Cameron replied, playing for time. “We’ve had to make some difficult decisions … ” An aide mimed a throat slit manoeuvre and the bit about working-class criminals not being great vote-winners got faded out.
“Another question please,” the prime minister begged. “What about my disabled relative who now gets less benefits than he used to … ” “Umm,” said Cameron. “A lot of badly disabled people are actually getting more … ” The throat slit made a reappearance as Cameron had been on the verge of telling this man that his relative clearly wasn’t disabled enough.
This was all getting a bit too real, so Cameron now kept everything to safe soundbites. The right to buy wasn’t an attempt to buy people’s votes. Why, he could still remember the thrill of the day he had come into his inheritance and was handed the keys to a flat in Notting Hill. And yes, schools should be more flexible because he knew only too well how annoying it was when easyJet put up their prices during the school holidays. Cameron checked his watch. He’d promised everyone 45 minutes but they would have to make do with 35; the coach taking him to the private plane to get him to his next event was waiting to leave.
