As we hurtle into the Jinger Ben mayhem (Jingle Bells to the uninitiated), it certainly helps if you have a bit of stamina. It is the time you prepare yourself for wearing silly hats, singing even sillier songs and acting in jovial fashion when the last thing you feel like is being jovial. You might even be subjected to inebriated gentlemen singing Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.
Every mall, department store, supermarket, hotel, restaurant and even banks seem to have their own version of Jingle Bells. The department store girls probably suffer the most. For some reason store owners seem to think that no one is capable of making a rational purchase at this time of the year without the spiritual stimulation of Alvin and the Chipmunks singing Frosty the Snowman. One supermarket has a tape of a ghastly kids choir ruining every Christmas carol you've ever heard. I would rather hear the Singing Dogs woofing away on Jinger Ben -- at least they bark in tune. And you don't have to worry about the lyrics, "ruff ruff ruff,/ ruff ruff ruff,/ ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff".
However, the best approach is probably to at least pretend you enjoy Jinger Ben time because we can't escape it. Considering all the depressing news we've been subjected to lately, the festive season is something of a welcome break. After all, it's not every week you get served by girls with reindeer ears.
In his Devil's Dictionary Ambrose Bierce describes Christmas Day as: "A day set apart and consecrated in gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, public dullness and domestic misbehaviour." In other words, for some of us it's just another day.
Spaced out
Apart from driving everyone mad, Jingle Bells does have another claim to fame -- it was the first song to be broadcast from space. Some would say it's a pity it didn't stay up there.
The people responsible were Gemini 6 astronauts Wally Schirra and Tom Stafford. It was mid-December in 1965 when they reported they had just seen a man in a red suit whizzing past in a command module in polar orbit. They then launched into Jingle Bells on a harmonica and bells.
Cold comfort
A popular song at this time of the year is the standard Baby It's Cold Outside. It is not really a Christmas number but is associated with the festive season because of the wintry weather the US and Europe experience.
The song has run into a spot of bother this year however, being banned by some US radio stations , saying the lyrics are "manipulative", claiming it encourages date rape. This seems a rather odd charge to suddenly appear for a song that's been around since 1944 and long accepted. Even my mum and dad liked it.
The song involves a flirting couple, with the male trying to persuade his girlfriend to stay a bit longer and they indulge in some entertaining verbal jousting.
The version I am most familiar with is that sung by Ray Charles and Betty Carter which was a big hit in 1961. You can hear it on YouTube and I would be very surprised if anyone found it offensive. It features some delicious soulful harmony between the two singers and is something of a classic, so please leave it alone.
Santa wars
One Christmas song that caused uproar when it first came out was, believe it or not, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Although it was a big hit when released in 1952, the Catholic Church in the US frowned upon it, saying sex and Christmas should not be linked. It was only resolved when the 13-year-old singer Jimmie Boyd, pointed out to the church authorities that the "Santa" mommy kissed under the mistletoe in the song was actually daddy.
Which brings us to a celebrated occasion in a New York department store a few years ago when mommy certainly didn't kiss Santa.
A little boy sat on Santa's lap, then turned to his mother and exclaimed "It's daddy!" sending his mother into a state of shock. The kid was right.
Santa was his mother's ex-husband who happened to be on the run for non-payment of child support. Santa's tranquil grotto suddenly erupted into an ugly shouting match between the bearded fellow and his ex.
The cops had to be called in because Santa was using extremely colourful language in front of lots of bawling kiddies and angry parents were demanding their money back.
There was another lively incident in a US store some years ago when Santa got into a punch-up with his assistant elves.
The elves became very upset when Santa called one of them a "midget". They went crazy with beards, hats and toy reindeers flying around in the grotto. Some of the kids fled, but others loved it, thinking it was all part of the show.
No escape
As for tourists who come to this predominantly Buddhist nation to escape the excesses of commercialised Christmas -- well, tough luck. Thai people have the wonderful capacity to celebrate anything as long as it offers the possibility of a good time and is sanook (fun).
On that note I would like to wish everyone a terrific festive season and may all your Jinger Ben experiences be just the way they should be -- splendidly out of tune.
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@gmail.com
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