No Offence
9pm, Channel 4
We’re at the halfway point in Paul Abbott’s smart cop drama and tonight the Friday Street law enforcers are on the trail of a gang conning the hard-up into selling their kidneys on the black market. The female leads utterly make this, giving Abbott’s zappy dialogue true heart and humanity. That said, if we could just pop a moratorium on dead-girl victims in all TV drama for a year, that would be great. The unending parade of throttled, hacked women in canals – continued here – needs to stop. Julia Raeside
Festivals, Sex & Suspicious Parents
9pm, BBC3
After umpteen spinoffs, it’s a surprise that young holidaymakers aren’t more, erm, suspicious of the camera crews keen to tag along with them. As a third episode of festival-themed gatecrashing begins in Vienna, mum Donna spies on 19-year-old Charlie, as he embodies the worst of UK lad culture. Also in attendance is 18-year-old Amy, who has a reputation for partying hard. Will she prove that she’s mature enough to join the army? And will either of the teens twig the achingly obvious ruse? Hannah J Davies
Later Live with Jools Holland
10pm, BBC2
Jools ends his millionth series with what should be a ratings spike, thanks to the presence of Muse. Teignmouth’s answer to the military-industrial complex have stripped away some of their lusher trappings for new LP Drones, taking them back to cheesewire guitars and angry-robot drums. Ranged against them are indie heroes Sleater-Kinney – a different kind of protest; more analogue, articulate and angular – and adventurous jazz purrer Melody Gardot. Plus, the great Giorgio Moroder chats. Jack Seale
Broad City
10pm, Comedy Central
It’s rare that a series manages to be so straightforwardly funny and yet so seriously subversive. But in a pressurised, image-centric world, Broad City is something of a relief valve, siphoning off the stream of self-loathing that women are usually encouraged to buy into. Instead, via their steadfast friendship, Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson’s sitcom channels a sense of breezy and magnanimous fun. In this episode, the pair attend a rooftop party, before returning to the flat of two sleazy, and extremely single-minded, DJs. Rachel Aroesti
Gary Lineker on the Road to FA Cup Glory
10.45pm, BBC1
After a six-year gap, the FA Cup has returned to the BBC. It’s an essential part of the corporation’s broadcasting heritage, with the cup a reminder that football has a history that stretches further back than the founding of the Premier League. Tonight, Lineker meets men whose careers were defined by the competition, from Roberto Martínez, who won the trophy with Wigan in the same season as they were relegated, to Ian Wright, who burst into the nation’s consciousness in an epic 1990 semi-final. David Stubbs
Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or List It
8pm, Channel 4
For TV purposes, Kirstie and Phil have two settings: first, there’s their default bickering mode, where they snipe at each other affectionately. But don’t get in the middle of these exchanges or mode two kicks in, where they turn on you and … offer sensible property advice. Luckily for Kirstie and Phil, people seem to like this shtick. Hence Ian and Sarah from Brixham, Northamptonshire call in the duo as they try to decide whether to flog their two-bed semi or tart it up. Jonathan Wright
Joan of Arc: God’s Warrior
9pm, BBC2
“The voice came at midday in the summertime in my father’s garden…” Helen Castor explores the life and times of the miraculous feminist icon, a 17-year-old peasant girl who led an army against a seemingly indestructible foe (the death tally during one earlier Orléans skirmish was: Dauphin’s soldiers – 400; English – four), and in defiance of the Old Testament’s decree that a woman dressed as a man was “an abomination unto the Lord”. A compelling tale of courage, faith and warfare; as much psychological as literal. Ali Catterall
Today’s best live sport
• French Open Tennis The second grand slam of the year continues, with men’s and women’s first-round matches. 9.30am, ITV4
• Elite League Speedway: Swindon Robins v Coventry Bees Swindon’s Abbey Stadium hosts the top-flight meet. 7.30pm, Sky Sports 1
• Major League Baseball: Chicago Cubs v Washington Nationals; Los Angeles Dodgers v Atlanta Braves MLB double bill. 12midnight, ESPN
• Basketball: NBA Conference Finals: Cleveland Cavaliers v Atlanta Hawks Game four of the Eastern Conference finals. 1.30am, BT Sport 1
