DOWN BY THE DANUBE
It seems only a few weeks ago that the Fiver’s Scottish cousin, Shortbread McFiver, was effin’ and blindin’ with excitement at the news that his country would return to playing international football after a sabbatical of nearly two decades. And what a return it was, as Scotland shrugged off years of inactivity to smash five goals past a Malta side that would go on to frustrate England fans at Wembley almost as much as England regularly do. But good vibes were scattered when Lithuania rocked up at Hampden Park on Saturday and helped themselves to a 1-1 draw that left Scotland fans hitting the boos. So it is that Scotland need a big result in Slovakia tonight to keep themselves in contention to qualify from Group Z and possibly even to keep Wee Gordon Strachan in a job.
The omens are mixed. On the dark side, the last time Wee Gordon was in the Slovakian capital he endured the worst night of his managerial career as his Queen’s Celtic team were humiliated 5-0 by a polytechnic college, Artmedia Bratislava, and the disastrous nature of that defeat was symbolised by the fact the manager’s watch stopped working (“at five past David Marshall”, as the Daily Record later quipped). On the bright side, today’s game is not in Bratislava – it’s a little further north, in Trnava – and, more to the point, Slovakia have suffered a worse start. They’re bottom with no points and no goals after two matches. So the stage is set for an evening of heroism, drama and/or blanket farce.
Wee Gordon has some interesting questions to ponder before the game – should Leigh Griffiths start up front? How about the gifted but raw Oliver Burke? And what way will Slovakia’s captain, Martin Skrtel, find to get booked while missing the match through suspension? - but one thing on which Wee Gordon can definitely count is the staunch support of his own captain, Darren Fletcher, even though he will not know until after a late fitness test whether or not Fletcher can play. Fletcher, you see, says that Scotland’s players have been so buoyed by the manager’s willingness to refrain from criticising them in public for bad performances that they are going to try really hard to stop performing badly. “It definitely makes us more determined,” thundered Fletcher. “The players are delighted with the manager. We are desperate to play for him and desperate to do well for him.” So the question that remains for Scots only a few hours after Rod Stewart dropped into Buckingham Palace to pick up a knighthood is: is tonight the night it’s gonna be all right for Wee Gordon?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m in the dressing room with the under-23s but I don’t have a locker. The other players have where they put their stuff but I don’t. I come with my bag and I just have a place that I know. I put my bag down, I train and after, I put everything in my car and go home” – Oumar Niasse gets his chat on with David Hytner about what it is like being an Everton outcast.
FIVER LETTER
“It is good to see a football club behaving with a bit of decorum for a change. Although Jackie McNamara (aka he who cannot get fired despite his best efforts) is no longer manager of York City, the chairman has asked him to stay as caretaker manager “in order to assist the managerial transition period and to accommodate a thorough identification, interview and appointment process”. But is anyone else secretly hoping that Jackie McNamara applies to be the next permanent manager? I genuinely think the chairman would pick him” – Noble Francis.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Noble Francis.
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BITS AND BOBS
Wayne Rooney is not walking away from England. “That’s not me. I feel I have a lot to offer,” he said, opening up a big bag of sweets.
Gini Wijnaldum is a doubt for Liverpool’s dust-up with Man Utd after twanging a hamstring during Holland’s 1-0 defeat by Paul Pogba.
“The most important thing was to score early.” Christian Benteke reveals his hitherto unseen comedic side after scoring in only 8.1 seconds – the fastest ever goal in a competitive international – for Belgium against a Gibraltar defence containing a confused policeman, a Barbary macaque, a strand of spaghetti and some orange peel.
Um.
West Ham have taken full control of their women’s team following accusations of being possibly, maybe, allegedly – but also probably not – discriminatory. “From the top down, West Ham United is passionately committed to equality, particularly for women,” cheered vice-chairsuit Karren Brady.
Yes, it’s still international fortnight.
And new Cardiff boss Neil Warnock has added human paperweight Marouane Chamakh to freebies Sol Bamba and Junior Hoilett, all signed inside a 24 hours that would rival a day in the life of Jack Bauer for busyness.
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The best crossbar-rebound volley you’ll see all day.
STILL WANT MORE?
David Squires is back, which means there’s at least one funny thing in today’s Fiver.
Wayne Rooney got old, writes Daniel Taylor, thankfully elaborating on this trail somewhat.
Can you blame Gerard Piqué for wanting to retire from Spain duty? Alan Smith can’t.
If Paolo Guerrero wasn’t Peruvian, he’d be playing for Barça, writes Luis Miguel Echegaray, putting lazy scouts on alert.
Tom Maslona and Tom Bloomfield on the perils of being interns at Crystal Palace and Coventry – in 1989 and 2014.
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