Spoiler alert: this weekly blog was originally for those watching True Blood on its FX UK debut. If you've watched episode four on Channel 4 join us here …
I missed a body out of the count last week, so thanks to Becks66 for topping up the victim list. And sorry, Vamp Groupie. We will never forget.
To make up for last week's bloodthirstiness, there are no deaths tonight (Fangtasia's Willy-Thorne-alike punter appears to be spared by the raid), perhaps because a bigger slice of the episode happens in the daytime, with lots of sunshine and less fangy predators around. Not that it's necessarily a vampire on the big lady-killing rampage – so far, there does appear to be a link between Maudette and Dawn and their predilection for fang-banging, but is that Sam rolling around in dead Dawn's sheets at the very end?
Back to the discovery of Dawn's body. "What did you get yourself into?" asks Sookie, which is not very helpful for two reasons: it's a bit early to start chucking the blame about, and there's a chance she's not feeling all that chatty. But murder passes for a street party in Bon Temps, and soon the whole town is out to see Jason being arrested again. It's a good excuse to showcase Hoyt's brilliant mum, who seems to have mistaken True Blood for Steel Magnolias. I hope she's in it more. Poor Hoyt. A name like a gag reflex and a mother like that to boot.
Jason gets taken into the police station and is eventually released (thanks to Tara), but not before necking the entire vial o'V that Lafayette gave him with strict instructions to take no more than one or two drops. The overdose turns his penis into an aubergine, or, in Jason's inimitable words: "I got gout. Of the dick!" Thankfully there's a doctor on hand. With a very big needle.
There's some animosity towards Bill in Merlotte's, where Sookie uses her telepathy to learn, once again, that people are scumbags, and later they have a non-date to vampire bar Fangtasia. "You have to remember that vampires are very old," says Bill, with a glare that's as close to a giggle as he'll ever get. "Puns used to be the highest form of humour."
Sookie is disappointed to find that Fangtasia looks like a Camden market stall. It's all red lighting, ill-fitting PVC and studs. But we do get to meet hostess Pam, and Eric, the oldest vampire there, who looks like Kurt Cobain in a Versace ad. Both are miles cooler than Bill, who gets to say "Sookeh is mine" again, though he doesn't really look as convinced this time.
In fact, the whole non-date (wink, wink) thing turns out to be a proper non-date after all, when the drive home and subsequent almost-kiss is interrupted by a police officer. Bill takes offence at being called son.
"I have 100 years on you," comes the stern reply – and at the policeman checking Sookie's neck for bite marks. He doesn't eat him, but he does glamour him into wetting his pants. The power! Sookie is unimpressed. Cut to Sam in CSI-style latex gloves doing the weirdo bed-rolling …
Other things we found out:
Sookie relishes the opportunity to go Nancy Drew. Age equals authority in vamp world. Not all vampires are called Eric and Bill – meet Longshadow. V is illegal, and for good reason. Tara lusts after Jason because he protected her from her drunken mama when she was little. The police don't like the undead. Bill is mainstreaming, much to the disgust of Eric and Pam.
NSFW-ometer
Not so bad – most of Jason's trauma was implied.
Body count
Zero!
How to take notes, Detective Andy Bellefleur-style
"Bitch -> gunshot"
What next?
Bill and Sookie must surely bicker some more about their dead/living compatibility issues. Sam must surely explain himself. Jason must surely get his "sweet, sweet baby" back in some kind of working order.
