Dear Troubleshooter:
I am a housewife in my 20s, I got married in February to a man my own age and I would like some advice.
In the last month of my pregnancy in March, my sleeping husband left his phone unlocked and I found out that he had been cheating on me with several different women. Later, I found out that he went to a "love hotel" with a woman, and when I confronted him about it, he apologized and just laughed it off.
Because our child was almost born, I tried to be patient, but after I gave birth, we got in a huge fight in July about his affairs. He seemed apologetic at the time, but in September I discovered that he was cheating on me again, and after that, the little love I had left for him was gone. It's too exhausting not being able to trust him.
I want my child to always be happy, so I think it would be best if it were just me and my child. My husband just says that a child needs their father, and avoids giving me a straight answer when I ask him for a divorce maybe because he thinks it's too bothersome.
Before we got married, I was a nurse. If I need to move forward with the divorce without his cooperation, what should be my next step?
B, Osaka
Dear Ms. B:
If you and your husband can't agree on a divorce, your next step is to go to family court and apply for a mediator.
There will be two mediators in the room whose job will be to listen to both sides of the argument, and will work together with you and your husband to formalize an agreement. The mediators will be an objective third party, so they will be able to think rationally throughout the meetings. Depending on your mediators' experience, when it comes to the subject of alimony or child support payments, they will be able to present a reasonable amount that is acceptable for both parties.
However, if you are still unable to come to an agreement and are unable to settle in mediation, your next step would be to sue him in order to get a divorce.
By the way, why do you think your husband won't agree to a divorce? Is he concerned about keeping up appearances? Considering how he continues to cheat on you and lie to you, he does not strike me as a particularly responsible or thoughtful person.
I don't think he will be too desperate to cling to the marriage for much longer if he sees how determined you are to get a divorce and that you're fully prepared to take care of your child.
You said that you want your child to always be happy, but in order for that to happen, you must first become happy.
Yoko Sanuki, lawyer
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