Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a female high school student. I'm worried about my relationship with my mother and also about my future.
We have no savings and my father isn't around. I also don't receive child support from him. I live with my grandparents now, but I'm still worried about so much. My grandmother told me that she'll help me go to college, but I don't think we have enough money for that.
My mother is emotionally unstable, and the adults in my family argue often. My mother checks my smartphone anytime she wants. She once called my school and my friends without telling me and destroyed my relationships with friends. My elder sister and younger sister in junior high school are also annoyed by my mother's behavior.
We have to eat all meals together as a family. We aren't allowed to go out without permission. Because the adults are so closed-minded, staying in this house with them is unbearable.
Even if I could enroll in college with a scholarship, there is no doubt that I'll have to look after my mother and grandparents in the future. I cannot throw my sisters under the bus and break ties with them. What should I do?
W, Nagano Prefecture
Dear Ms. W:
Your family is in a bad place financially, and your mother is a micromanager. You are under pressure because you think you will have to look after your mother and grandparents in the future. So you don't have any hope for your future, is that right?
It must be tough for you in your adolescence. But, I have to tell you that you'll never be able to unlock your future only by looking at the negative factors in your environment.
The fun part of life is trying to find concrete ways of how you can overcome each problems. In order to do so, you have to find the positive factors hidden in those problems and make them your source of energy.
For example, you may feel better if you realize that it was your grandparents' warmth that let their divorced daughter and granddaughters stay in their house and your mother only wants to protect her daughters, which drives her to over-manage you.
Your grandmother telling you that she would send you college came from her consideration toward your academic aptitude. I don't think your grandparents expect you to look after them.
Family bonds naturally loosen as you get older. Just let your family's future go with the flow, share your problems with them and support each other. Good luck.
Megumi Hisada, writer
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