Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a woman in my 40s. I work as a housekeeper, but I want to leave the family I'm responsible for now.
The family is composed of a father in his 50s and a teenage daughter who's a college student. About 10 years ago, the father's mother asked me to do their housework, saying that his wife had suddenly disappeared.
At first, I felt sorry for them and willingly went to their home, cleaning rooms and preparing meals. However, I gradually started thinking that I don't have to do it because there are fathers in the world who handle housework even though they're busy.
The daughter leaves clothes lying where she takes them off and makes a mess everywhere. No matter what I say, she doesn't listen. I tidy them up because it's my job, but I wonder whether it's good for her.
I'd like to leave the family and work for another one. But a gift arrived from the woman who asked me to do the job with a letter saying, "I want you to continue helping them as long as possible," and I took it.
I don't know how to convey my intention to quit in this situation.
K, Chiba Prefecture
Dear Ms. K:
I can tell from your letter that you're very worried about this family, as if you were their relative. I understand how affectionately you've worked for the father and the daughter for a long time. I appreciate your hard work.
There are elements of housekeeping that can't be handled as just a job. You see the family's situation in detail, and there are feelings on both sides. Your relationship may sometimes be strengthened through their gratitude for your support in tough times.
However, when you're growing apart, the relationship is apt to be troublesome. If either you or they feel there is a problem, I think it's wise to quit before the ill feelings become more serious.
Considering that you're feeling mental stress with this family, I think it's certainly better not to continue doing their housework. What is important is how to say so. I think you should tell the family that it's for your own sake, such as you've become too busy with working for another family.
You should refrain from things like criticizing or advising the father and daughter on their lifestyle. They're not your relatives, and you should end your working relationship with them.
For future reference, as long as you are paid for your work, you shouldn't receive any additional compensation. I think that's important in order to maintain an appropriate distance.
Masami Ohinata,
university president
(from Aug. 7, 2019, issue)
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