Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a housewife in my 50s. I'm worried that my single older sister is addicted to shopping.
My sister works at a company and lives together with our mom. She manages both her own salary and mom's pension checks.
She loves to go shopping, and is always purchasing clothing, household goods, electronics and the like. Whenever she buys something she feels a sense of satisfaction, and then immediately relegates the purchase to oblivion. Her room is piled to the ceiling with merchandise still in its original packaging. She's had this tendency to go overboard with shopping ever since she was young, but recently it's gotten really bad.
She never cleans or tidies up the house, and I'm concerned that once mom passes it will turn into a hoarder's den. Our elderly mother is dependent on my sister to an extent, and apparently never lectures her about the situation.
At our father's Buddhist memorial service, when I casually asked my sister, "Have you given any thought to how you're going to live your life from now on?" she grew indignant and said, "My only option is to keep on living in this house, isn't it?" The comment took me and other relatives by surprise. Please advise me on what I should do.
H, Miyazaki Prefecture
Dear Ms. H:
You say you're wondering if your older sister's a shopping addict, but addiction is when you're unable to quit something that is having a negative impact on your daily life and causing harm to others, try as you might.
Your sister is taking care of your mother while holding down a job, and the habit hasn't caused her social life to unravel. What she has isn't a shopping addiction -- it amounts to a case of enjoying shopping but disliking housekeeping, with the result that the house has become a little disheveled.
When I'm busy, I also find myself piling up unopened packages of goods. There are even times when I don't do any cleaning, but if someone were to say to me then, "How are you going to live your life from now on?" I would probably tell them that it's none of their business. Aren't you really worried about the fact that you need to be saving money for the time when your elderly mother will require medical care?
If you're concerned that your sister is using your mother's pension money on shopping, you need to stop beating around the bush and instead sit down with your sister to discuss your future plans. Don't just leave the care of your mother entirely in your sister's hands. If you divide up the responsibility, I think there's a possibility that your sister will reduce the amount of stress-relieving shopping that she does.
Junko Umihara, psychiatrist
(from Sept. 23, 2019, issue)
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