Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a self-employed woman in my 40s who got married three years ago.
It's my first marriage, but my husband's second. He has two sons around 30 years old. The second son recently had a baby, and my husband is elated to have a grandchild. But I have mixed feelings.
I heard the second son had been living with my husband for a long time. Since marrying my husband, I have had a good relationship with the second son, who came to see us often with his wife before they got married and stayed over sometimes.
They got married this year, and recently had a baby boy. I think the baby is cute, but I feel totally different about the situation than my husband does.
I feel lonely because I was unable to have a baby due to an illness I have and other reasons, so I cannot feel happy like he does.
When I see photos of the baby the son sends, I pretend to be glad -- and hate myself for it. I don't know how I'll react when I think about future occasions such as the baby's omiyamairi first shrine visit, first seasonal festival, and entering and graduating kindergarten.
D, Hyogo Prefecture
Dear Ms. D
It's your first grandchild! However, the baby is unrelated to you by blood. In addition, he always reminds you of your frustration over the fact that you were unable to have your own child. I understand why you have a hard time enjoying the birth of the baby.
Maybe you were destined to face such a situation when you got married. You therefore absolutely have to turn your fate into a happy one.
So far, your husband has been pleased from the bottom of his heart with the birth of his grandson, and he seems to believe you are also happy about the news because you pretend to be, even though you hate doing it. Thanks to your efforts, you and your husband can maintain a good relationship.
One good thing is that you get along with the son's family. With or without a grandchild, you should actively maintain that good relationship if you can. If you do, you may begin to love your grandson, or at least the seeds of affection may naturally begin to bear fruit.
Thinking about what I've written so far, I can see that what you're facing is the next chapter of a story about building a new family.
You're now thinking about various things and certainly having a difficult time, but I think what you're experiencing is the birthing pains of future happiness.
Soichiro Nomura, psychiatrist
(from July 10 issue)
Read more from The Japan News at https://japannews.yomiuri.co.jp/
