Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a woman in my 50s. I'm worried about my relationship with my sister and her family.
My sister, who's one year older than me, developed early and has always fallen for members of the opposite sex. In junior high school she attracted the interest of boys both older and younger than her, and in high school it was already not uncommon for her to date two people at once. After becoming an adult, she started to date one of my classmates that she had randomly bumped into, but eventually went on to marry a guy who hit on her while she was in another prefecture. She told my classmate she was dumping him one week before her wedding.
I don't know if my sister has gotten over her penchant for two-timing, as she lives outside the prefecture. But in the last few years, whenever we get together for a family event, she incessantly makes little motions toward my husband. She asked for his smartphone number when I wasn't around, and often physically touches him while making idle chit-chat.
My older sister has a 30-year-old daughter who's single, and she's just like her mother -- she's always linking arms with my husband and chatting him up. Instead of rejecting their advances, my husband just stands there with an awkward smile on his face.
I went to my mother with this problem, telling her it upsets me, and her response was, "You're just overly sensitive." But this sense of foreboding that I feel comes from the fact that I've known my sister since she was young.
U, Ishikawa Prefecture
Dear Ms. U:
So the harm caused by your sister seems to have finally extended to you. Your mother and sister don't seem to get it, but I think that the person who is currently causing you anxiety is your niece. Am I right about that?
You expected that she would always be a child, but when you met her after a long time she had become a full-grown woman. I think that when you saw your husband looking not the least unhappy as she touched him, it conjured up memories of your sister's past behavior, and you instinctually felt a surge of disgust.
If you had a solid basis of trust with your husband, you would likely be able to laugh it off and be done with it, but the fact that you feel a sense of foreboding is probably a reflection of your current relationship with him. When you enter the second half of your 50s, you're confronted with a host of new challenges in various aspects of your life, including caring for your parents, establishing a firm post-retirement life plan, and the independence of your children. It's not unusual for a husband or a wife to want to cling to their sexuality. I'm not saying this is the case with your husband, but if he starts disregarding your feelings and contacting your sister or niece without good reason, it seems like it would be a good idea to give him a firm warning at least once.
After that, you can rest easy. Your husband is sure to feel ashamed about his behavior and begin to practice self-control.
Hazuki Saisho, writer
Read more from The Japan News at https://japannews.yomiuri.co.jp/
