Monkey hears tempers have reached boiling point over at the Daily Express following a ban on … wait for it … kettles. Kettlegate, as it is known internally, has provoked a stream of furious emails to zip around Northern & Shell's headquarters. Conspiracy theories abound as to the reason for the edict that kettles are banned from the editorial floor – ranging from a claim that proprietor Richard Desmond tripped up on one to the fact there is a new franchise in the canteen which has led to coffee prices rising. Monkey hears staff are livid over this storm in a teacup, with kettles being furtively boiled in defiance. Bearing in mind Desmond's musical pursuits, presumably kettle drums are still allowed.
