Late-night hosts on Thursday discussed the Trump-Cohen recordings, Facebook’s stock market drop, and the effects of Trump’s trade war.
“Today was a rough day for everyone’s favorite social network/democracy destabilizer,” Stephen Colbert began. “Facebook stock dropped 19%, losing $120b in value.”
“It all happened because of an earnings report that showed slower than expected growth in user numbers,” the host explained. “It’s apparently the largest one-day loss in market value by any company in US stock market history.”
“That includes the Great Depression,” Colbert noted. “Great depression, by the way, also describes how I feel after two minutes on Facebook.”
The host then moved on to Donald Trump, who on Thursday was in the midwest “attempting to reassure factory workers that his trade war isn’t actually hurting them”.
During his speech, Colbert explained, Trump mentioned the cameras in the press pool, adding, “this never happened to Obama”.
“Yeah, Obama was never photographed!” Colbert replied. “That’s why now he exists only in myth and legend.”
At another point in his remarks, Trump blasted the media’s treatment of his summit in Helsinki with Vladimir Putin. “They’re dying to see us make a little bit of a mistake,” said the president.
Colbert fired back: “That’s right: we’re dying to see you make a little bit of a mistake because we’re getting tired of these huge, democracy-threatening ones.”
Meanwhile, Trevor Noah addressed Trump’s penchant for having to put out fires of his own making.
“It’s no secret that we at the Daily Show haven’t been the biggest fans of president Trump,” he began. Pretending to have turned a new leaf, Noah added: “This morning I realized that I have become a Trump hater.”
“I’ve seen that Donald Trump is fixing America’s problems,” the host joked. “Every day this week he’s done something great. It started on Tuesday, when he saved the farming industry.”
Noah was referencing a $12bn emergency aid package being given to farmers to offset the losses suffered by Trump’s new tariffs. “Donald Trump,” Noah quipped. “Saving the farmers, baby!”
Trump eases tensions with Europe, sends aid to farmers hurt by recent trade wars, and reunites separated migrant families. Just don’t ask him why that all needed to be done... pic.twitter.com/re4LpC0NYq
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) July 27, 2018
The host then showed news coverage of Trump’s meeting with Jean-Claude Juncker, president of the European Commission, where the two struck a “wide-ranging agreement to stave off further trade hostilities”.
“This man is a visionary,” Noah said. “Can you imagine a world where, one day, America and Europe can work together? You realize, just two and a half weeks ago, a major world leader declared Europe one of America’s biggest enemies. Who that leader is will be mystery forever.”
“If you still don’t believe in this great leader’s ability to mend what was once broken, maybe this will open your eyes,” Noah said, referring to the reunification of children taken from their parents at the southern border.
“In one week, president Trump saved the farmers, made peace with Europe, and freed the children,” the host said. “We could spend forever trying to figure out which 45th president hurt the farmers, antagonized Europe, and kidnapped the children to begin with, but again, that’s not the point. The point is, my friends, president Trump can fix any problem, just as long as he created it.”
Finally, ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel discussed the release of an audio recording in which Trump can be heard instructing former attorney Michael Cohen to pay off a Playboy playmate in “cash”.
He began: “We have so much to get to, a veritable cornucopia of crazy, all stirred up by our celebrity president whose voice we heard on Tuesday night instructing his former lawyer to pay off a Playboy playmate.”
“Apparently, Cohen would record these calls and meetings on his iPhone instead of taking notes,” Kimmel said. “I’m starting to think maybe Trump doesn’t hire all the best people.”
“By the way, you know who’s really annoyed about this?” Kimmel asked. “Russia. They’re like, ‘Why are we putting so much work into spying on these Americans when they seem to be doing it by themselves.’”
The host then referenced a tweet by Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti who suggested there have been pay-offs to “multiple other women” and concern about a pregnancy.
Breaking: Donald Trump conspired with Michael Cohen to pay off multiple other women prior to Election Day in 2016. They were also concerned about a pregnancy. Cohen has evidence and info in his possession and it must be released to the public.
“Oh great, just what we need,” said Kimmel. “Another Trump out there lurking, planning to run in 2048.”
