How old do you think children need to be to go to school on their own? We live about 15 minutes' walk away, and my son, now aged 10, is pestering me to let him go on his own. I have another son, who is now aged 24, and this was about the age that he started to walk there on his own (in fact he had another friend to walk with, which my younger son doesn't have). But even in the past 15 years, people have become more wary about letting children go anywhere on their own.
With this situation, your son's age is really only one of the considerations. To make this decision, you may need to address some of the following issues.
How confident is he in crossing the road? Does have sufficient road knowledge and sense to be able to judge tricky situations?
Perhaps a few 'dry runs' with you might help to assess this. Let him take you, without prompts and see how he manages.
Will he talk to strangers? Does he know what to do if a stranger approaches him? Are there any groups or gangs that he may have to pass? To address these concerns, you could discuss with him the importance of never going with strangers, revealing personal information or engaging with groups or gangs. Education is the key to helping him avoid difficult situations.
If you were happy to allow your eldest son to walk to school at the same age, what has changed for you to have concerns now? This will perhaps help you to address any other concerns you may have.
You could also approach his teacher or other parents to see if any of his peers live near by who are looking for a partner to walk to school with.
If you remain unhappy about allowing him to walk alone, don't be pressurised by your son. Stick to what you think is best, explaining to him your reasons why, perhaps agree to consider it again when he is 11 or next term.
We are moving home soon and we want to make it as smooth a procedure as possible. They are happy at school, with their friends, etc, and we are moving too far away for them to stay at that school. We have tried to put a positive spin on the situation, but in actual fact we are moving because my husband lost his job last year and we had got into in terrible debt. Luckily we were able to sell our house and buy one with a much smaller mortgage, but the children (girls aged five and six) will have to share a bedroom. Do you have any guidance to offer?
Young children are quite adaptable to change if they are correctly supported. At five and six years old, your children's main concern will be how you and your husband cope with the changes. You seem to be handling it very well so far and they will pick up on your emotions and feelings. Being as honest as you can without worrying them would be the best approach. Keeping in touch with the friends they leave behind will be important as well as getting them involved in community activities in their new area.
They may initially struggle with sharing a room but they will probably come to enjoy it, sharing their toys and having each other for company. Give them plenty of opportunities to tell you how they are feeling – listen and reassure them with lots of cuddles. As long as you are happy, they will accept the changes and be happy too.
My son is going to secondary school later this year, and he almost certainly hasn't got into the school both he and we want him to go to. This school is not a bad school as such, and we aren't worried for academic reasons. But it's inconvenient to get to, and his best friends aren't going to be there. He's also quite a nervous boy and is getting very stressed out about the whole procedure – from thinking that maybe he's failed by not getting into his first choice, to worrying about bullies in the playground. What shall we do?
The time between primary and secondary schools can be a difficult period. Positive reinforcement and encouragement are key in helping your son understand that he is not alone.
In the first instance, we would recommend that you contact your son's current school and speak with the head of year, specialist teacher or pastoral care. They should be able to work with your son to reassure him that by missing out on his first choice was not his fault and alleviate any fears he has of moving schools.
It could also be worthwhile contacting the secondary school to see what support networks they have in place for new students.
You could also contact a children's centre in your area (please contact one of regional offices closest to you for a listing of centre's run by Action for Children). There is
support for both parents and children available which will help you both to deal with this transitional time.
Alternatively, if you contact your Local Authority they will have a full listing of services available in your area. Go to actionforchildren.org.uk for a list of all of our offices.
My 16-year-old daughter is on the pill - I found a packet in her bedside drawer and some were missing. She has never had a proper boyfriend, so I don't know why she is taking it. I don't even know if she's sleeping with anyone – I thought she was a virgin. When I confronted her, she was very angry and said it was none of my business because she was over the age of consent. I told her about diseases you could catch and she got even more angry with me. I thought we got on well and that she could confide in me. I think sex should be something special and that's what I taught her. I'm not sure I know her any more.
Even parents who have very good relationships with their teenagers often struggle with communicating about sex. Your daughter may well be having difficulty dealing with her own life changes.
Teenage years are a major transitional time, when young people are dealing with the change from being a child to an adult. Your daughter may be aware that by talking to you about the pill and sex means she is no longer your little girl – and worry that this will change the way you see her.
She might be having conflicting emotions about the messages she has been given and her own feelings or behaviour. You have taught her about sex being special and she may think that you will see her in a different light if she admitted that she is sexually active. She may think that she has let you down.
From your daughter's point of view, puberty and its feelings and physical changes are a lot to cope with. This can be made worse if she has a peer group who are sexually active. She may be trying to fit in with them by taking the pill as a sign for them that she is sexually active. There is still the possibility that she isn't. However, on the other hand you may need to accept that she has had sexual encounters.
You are not alone in having difficulties discussing sex with your teenager. Do you remember your own conversations with your parents? Things have not changed much today – the embarrassment is normally felt on both sides. It could mean, the agenda might be best discussed with another adult close to her who cares for her and who you can trust: an older sibling, aunt or cousin perhaps. She may be more open with them about what is going on and how she feels about it.
If your main concern is STD's, leave her a leaflet on her bed with a little note saying you care about her and you want her to be aware, be safe and to protect herself. And let her know that if she ever wants to talk then you are there. Writing things down can bridge that gap and avoid verbal conflict.
However sometimes as a parent the most important role is to just be there for them if they need you. She is still the daughter you knew - this hasn't changed. Unfortunately, if you continue to pry too much and the issue becomes a barrier between you, which causes you both distress and anger then your good relationship could suffer even more.
I would really like to go to some of the projects like those you mention. I think I'd enjoy them, and so would my kids. I am not particularly in need, or vulnerable, but everyone needs help from time to time. Or even a bit of encouragement before things go wrong. But how do I know where they are? Do you have to be recommended by social services? Can I find out from the doctor? Or am I just living in the wrong area? I looked on the internet and I couldn't find anything nearby. The only things I could find were really expensive private clubs.
Our services – and indeed all Sure Start Children's Centres – are designed to help all families. And you are right to state that everyone needs help from time to time.
This is exactly what the centre's aim to do – help you tackle any problems before they turn into big ones. You do not need to be referred by social services or a doctor. You can contact one of Action for Children's services by contacting one of our local offices, who will be able to provide you with a full listing of services in your area.
Alternatively, if you contact your Local Authority they will have a full listing of services available in your area.
Action for Children helps nearly 170,000 children, young people and their families through nearly 450 projects across the UK.
They also promote social justice by lobbying and campaigning for change.
Staff all over the UK help and support the most vulnerable children. They work in children's centres, in schools for disabled children, help children in care and in many other areas. They have been helping and supporting children and young people for the last 140 years, giving them a huge breadth and depth of experience.
A small team of Action for Children staff, working in the relevant fields, are available to answer any questions you might have on the topics that are being covered each week.
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