Well, this has been fun. If you enjoy a certain sort of fun. But all fun things must end, so it’s time to end this blog for the day and wait for tomorrow to come. Tom Bryant will be yer man for everything lovely then, so tune in from 9am (ish).
I shall send you off into the night with this, for everyone enjoys a goalkeeping blooper.
Here’s the Fiver, on Manchester United and Marouane’s big Belgian elbows.
The blog, and indeed the day, are winding down. So here’s Jamie Gladden: ‘Berahino to Spurs is actually the perfect signing for us because you have to be a Saido-masochist to derive any pleasure from Tottenham’s transfer dealings. Saido-masochist! Hello..? Is this thing on..?’
‘To clear up any lingering doubts,’ clears up Michael, ‘in his tweet Krychowiak literally says “I’m staying in Sevilla for another season”. (Trust me, I’m a Polish carpenter)
‘If you think about it, since Man U can’t seem to get any players that say they want to sign for them maybe they should try to sign players that don’t want to be signed...’
According to Marca, Barcelona are keen to open talks with Neymar about a new contract, but interestingly his old man/agent (also called Neymar, which is a coincidence) is happy to leave it for a bit. He has ‘been a bit blasé about the whole thing’, apparently.
This is all very well of course, but there is some football happening tonight. I know! Fancy reading about Manchester United’s Champions League qualifier against Club Brugge tonight? And the great Fellaini experiment?
(Incidentally, with Van Gaal saying that Fellaini can either play as a No.8 or 9, have we all done lots of 8 1/2 jokes? I hope so. I mean, they’re rubbish, but it passes the time.)
Anyway, here’s Jamie Jackson’s match preview:
Last year Fellaini scored seven times and Van Gaal is clear the 27-year-old can offer a threat in attack. “He can play in a 9 position and in a 10 but also 6 and 8 but this year he shall play more 10 and 9 than 6 and 8 because there [in midfield] we have more players,” he said.
Fellaini is ready to operate up front. “In the past I played No10 and No9 sometimes when I had to help the team,” he said. “It’s not important where I play, it’s important to win the game. It’s different playing midfielder and striker or No10 but I enjoy all the positions I can play.
“Last season I did well and I want to continue like that. I know the philosophy of the manager and am looking forward to doing well and scoring some goals.”
Doesn’t look like Sevilla midfielder Grzegorz Krychowiak wants to go anywhere fast. Or anywhere at all, really. There’s been talk linking him to all sorts of clubs, notably Arsenal or Chelsea, but the Pole looks quite happy where he is...
Me quedo en el Sanchez Pizjuan para la proxima temporada Zostaje w Sevilly na kolejny sezon #vamosmisevilla @FotoPyK pic.twitter.com/zPxmxXSywP
— Grzegorz Krychowiak (@GrzegKrychowiak) August 26, 2015
Drew Gough doesn’t sound entirely convinced about Mario Balotelli’s new leaf (15.42):
‘I’d like to respond personally to Cristian Zapata by reminding him that at this time last year Liverpool and Brendan were praising Super Mario’s work ethic and his newfound dedication to marking at corners and that fact that he had turned up at training and that he had nice shoes that seemed to indicate a fundamental level of dedication to buying new shoes. In fact, is there a better first-two-days-at-a-club player than Ballotelli? You know, before any games have been played, he’s the man.’
Incidentally, Enner Valencia has now apologised for calling West Ham a big bunch of ninnies (or something like that) over his injury:
Valencia later moved to smooth the waters on Wednesday with a statement on West Ham’s official website.
“I have had a number of consultation meetings with specialists in London, accompanied by members of the Club’s medical staff, and they have always kept me updated me on my injury,” he said.
“It has been a frustrating time, but I would like to make clear that I have the utmost respect and confidence in the club’s medical team and the specialists I was referred to and I would like to apologise to them and the club for any issues arising from the recent press coverage.
“I will continue to work as hard as I can with them to return to help the team as quickly as possible, and continue the good start I made to the season.
“It is not possible to put an exact date on when I might be back on the pitch,” Valencia added, “but you can be rest assured that I am motivated to get fit and score more goals for West Ham United as soon as I can.”
‘Re: Owen Powell,’ writes Tim Sutton, ‘Don’t Spurs need to make money every window so they can give it all to Adebayor to play for someone else?’
Ooooh, let’s get a crate of balm in for that burn.
Mario Balotelli’s new teammate Cristian Zapata reckons the big man has his game face on. Whatever that means. He told Milan’s telly channel.
He seems serious. He definitely wants to make up for what happened over the past year with Liverpool. He needs to get in the game, and certainly over the past two days he’s been doing that. We hope he continues like this.”
Owen Powell’s been busy: ‘Today’s update is in danger of becoming a Spursfest, but then again, it is the last week of the transfer window. Anyhow, I was idly Wikipedia-ing Spurs transfers for the past few years and I think we’ve made a profit in every window for the past five seasons.
‘Or, at least, we’ve made an overall profit (I know that some people will say that’s because we sold Bale and Modric - yes, I know, our team no longer contains Bale and Modric). To get to the point, that means we have a lot of money in the bank. Ibrahimovic, please. (He would be the Klinsmann of 2015).’
‘Why didn’t Spurs try to get Lukaku when he was up for grabs?’ asks Chris Gardiner. ‘Someone out there answer me or I’ll have to believe that, despite what social media suggests, no one really knows anything.’ What an outrageous slur, Chris. Perish the thought that nobody has the first clue of what they’re doing.
Everyone, we’ve just found a way to make golf worse...
Great man - @Redknapp pic.twitter.com/NGcdFQMnRK
— Kevin Pietersen (@KP24) August 26, 2015
Nomination for Transfers That Just Make Sense, here:
@NickMiller79 can we try United in for Lacazette? He's already got a new contract, I'd like to see what happens.
— Tim Sutton (@TimSuttonC) August 26, 2015
Sure, let’s go for it.
Madridconomics:
Illarramendi sold in July 2013 for around €38m after playing 56 games for Real Sociedad, and returns today for around €16m.
— David Cartlidge (@davidjaca) August 26, 2015
Want the Northern Ireland squad for their European Championship qualifiers against the Faroe Islands and Hungary? Well, tough, you’re going to get it anyway.
Carroll, Mannus, McGovern, Hughes, Baird, McAuley, J Evans, Cathcart, Ferguson, Hodson, McLaughlin, McNair, Davis, Brunt, C Evans, Norwood, McCourt, Dallas, Reeves, Lafferty, McGinn, Ward, Magennis, Grigg, Boyce, Lavery.
Harry Redknapp has the inside track on what’s happening in the Saido Berahino deal:
Everything’s probably all done with the player behind the scenes. He probably has a good idea about where he’s going to live, even.”
Thanks Harry.
DONE DEAL! Asier Illarramendi has returned to Real Sociedad, signing a six-year contract with his former club. Next target, Tottenham.
It’s gone a bit quiet. Not that it was ever particularly loud today. Go on then - give us some transfers that just make sense, but haven’t been rumoured.
Guardian man Jacob Steinberg, sat to my left, reckons Victor Moses will go to Spurs. That sort of thing. Go!
Joe O’Connor has a theory: ‘Seeing as everyone linked to United suddenly decides to sign a contract at their current club with a nice pay increase, Mr Woodward should spread a rumour that United are interested in signing David De Gea, before he knows what’s happened he’ll have signed a new contract at united to stop that happening!’
You know Joe, that’s so crazy it just might work.
“I see your NFFC as the Championship’s basket case club and raise it with Leeds United FC,” writes Mark Judd.
Let’s open it to the floor - who’s the biggest mess in the Championship? Can’t really extend it to the whole Football League because Blackpool have no peer in those stakes.
Enner Valencia isn’t happy at all. You’d think West Ham would be doing their best to keep what strikers they have sweet, since they haven’t really got any others.
West Ham seem to have forgotten that I’m injured. But they don’t let me speak to another doctor. I don’t understand why West Ham doctors are doing this to me,” Valencia told Ecuador radio station La Deportiva, as reported by the London Evening Standard.
“The truth is that West Ham have not been supporting me. I have tried to ask an external doctor but the doctor of West Ham doesn’t want me to ask another doctor. It’s my health we are talking about here.
“I have been injured for a month and I still don’t know what the name of my injury is. I think I will have to ask a doctor to see me behind their backs. I have been thinking about going to an airport and getting out of London.”
Well, this is a thing. According to the Daily Mail, Derby are talking to Ashley Cole. Have they discovered oil under the iPro or something? They are spraying money around like Ray Stantz spraying pink slime on the inside of the Statue of Liberty.
Speaking of Cole, here’s Danny Taylor’s Observer column about him from last weekend:
The chances are you might not know a great deal about Cristian Raimondi, but it is a nice line in self-deprecating humour that he calls himself CR77. Raimondi has had what they know in Italy as a pacco postale career, going from club to club like a game of pass the parcel before returning to Atalanta and, at the age of 31, scoring his first goal in Serie A.
He is 34 now and a right-back by trade. But then he was asked to experiment as a winger when Atalanta took on Roma last season and Il Messaggero summed up rather neatly what happened next. “For one afternoon,” it observed, “the modest Raimondi became Cristiano Ronaldo’s older brother.”
His opponent that day was Ashley Cole – three Premier League titles, seven FA Cups, one Champions League and 107 international caps – and the player many consider to be the finest English left-back there has been was subjected to the kind of ordeal that made it tempting to wonder if the same panicking thoughts flashed through his mind as Gary Neville experienced for Manchester United at West Bromwich Albion on New Year’s Day 2011. Neville’s decision to retire was made on a toilet at half‑time, trying to work out how he had just made “Jerome Thomas look like Ronaldo”.
Updated
A few more details on Liverpool not selling Lucas Leiva to Besiktas or anyone now. Here you go.
According to BBC East Midlands reporter Natalie Jackson, West Ham are the latest club to make a bid for Nottingham Forest’s Michail Antonio.
I understand @whufc_official have made a formal bid of around 4m + Matt Jarvis (wages covered for a season long loan) for Antonio. #nffc 1/1
— Natalie Jackson (@NatJacksonsport) August 26, 2015
However...
I also understand the bid will be rejected and it is no where near the clubs valuation for Antonio #nffc 2/2
— Natalie Jackson (@NatJacksonsport) August 26, 2015
One wonders if anyone has asked Jarvis if he wants to play for the Championship’s most historic basket case club. Still, things would be much simpler if we adopted the American system of just trading players without letting them know. Simpler, but not especially pleasant.
DONE DEAL! And it’s a whopper. Liverpool under-21 winger Harry Wilson has joined Crewe on loan until January.
The Sky Source-o-matic is in full flow again, and this time it has spat out a little chit that says Wolves have rejected a third bid of about £10million from Norwich for Benik Afobe.
Here’s what Kenny Jackett said about that particular situation after Wolves beat Barnet 2-1 last night:
He’s a Wolves player and when the window shuts he’ll still be a Wolves player. There is an enormous amount of speculation. But he won’t be leaving.
“We’re looking at the whole picture, the amount of time left in the window, the overall prices, there’s so much to consider and everything points to Wolves not letting anybody go.”
Manchester United could probably earn a few quid if they just register themselves as agents and take the 15% from all these new contracts they’re helping other players to sign. Apparently Thomas Müller is the latest to find their reported interest very handy indeed when negotiating a box-fresh deal from Bayern, which will earn him something like €10million-a-year.
More from Asier Illarramendi now, and he sounds rather pleased to be heading home, to Real Sociedad. He told AS:
Very happy. Of course, I wanted to return, I haven’t yet spoken to my teammates, later I will speak with them. Real [Sociedad] has always been my first option and I was really wanting to return home, of course.”
Enjoying the chap at the back here wearing a beret to Belgium.
More #mufc fans soaking up the Bruges atmosphere. pic.twitter.com/elGV4jdYUh
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) August 26, 2015
News from our own Dave Hytner here – Virgil van Dijk, the Celtic defender targeted by Southampton, would not be averse to seeking his fortune elsewhere. A development not remotely connected to last night’s shellacking by Malmo.
We all know Italy is the place that makes the transfer rumour mill go round. And the Italian journalist Alfredo Pedulla has added further grist by suggesting Napoli are interested in Spurs’ Moussa Dembele. È vero?
The Birmingham Mail reports that Aston Villa striker Libor Kozak has turned down a move to Celtic, after a deal was apparently agreed. “I knew we shouldn’t have let him watch us actually play,” Ronny Delia didn’t say.
Keysey’s been thinking! Who wants to take this one?
A thought. Since Utd's last trophy in 2013 Ars have won 2. They've spent £142m Utd £290m + 1 failed C Lge qual. Who's arrogant and naive?
— Richard Keys (@richardajkeys) August 26, 2015
And, of course, if you haven’t seen it...
With a whirr and a splutter and a plume of smoke, Sky Sources are in action...
BREAKING: Sky sources: @Besiktas agree deal to sign goalkeeepr Victor Valdes from @ManUtd. #SSNHQ
— Sky Sports News HQ (@SkySportsNewsHQ) August 26, 2015
Bloody hell, poor old Kevin Strootman. Apparently the Roma midfielder will miss the whole season after it emerged he’ll need a third operation on his knee. Eeessh.
Sort of tangentially almost ish transfer window stuff now, and Union Berlin fans are apparently planning a 15-minute silence in protest against the big spending of Friday’s opponents Red Bull Leipzig.
Leipzig has again spent vast amounts of money on new players, almost all of whom had offers from the top division,” wrote the Union fan group Scene Koepenick in an open letter to the Berlin club’s fans. “The financial possibilities seem endless.“
“But we will fight for the preservation of football culture for as long as possible. Pure marketing instruments like RasenBallsport will never be part of that culture and that is why we call on a 15-minute silence.”
Have some more details on that AWOL Lewis Grabban/Bournemouth/Alex Neil story mentioned earlier. Have them, and have them good, and have them here.
“It’s worth pointing out that Heung-Min Song’s Wikipedia page lists his height as 7’8,” points out Joe Mackertich. “What a target man.”
Looks like it might be a busy last week at Tottenham. According to assorted reports in Germany, including our old pal Bild, they are closing on a deal for Bayer Leverkeusen forward Heung-Min Son. About €25-30m, apparently.
Dick Advocaat already has the look of a man thoroughly irked with all around him and with some, shall we say, regrets about his decision to return to Sunderland rather than retiring somewhere sunny to sip drinks with little umbrellas in them.
For the moment though, defence is his concern, particularly after they conceded three goals to Exeter (!) in the League Cup last night. He told the Sunderland Echo that they’re still in the market for defensive reinforcements:
I’m happy with the six goals, but totally unhappy with the way we gave three goals away. That has to improve and the players know that.
“I am wondering if it is to do with concentration, sharpness - it cost us three goals, and that’s a worry. And it’s not the first time.
“There has been talk about the young guy (Jason Denayer) from Manchester City, but he is going to another club. We are still looking, but when (Younes) Kaboul is fit, he’s a very good player.”
There had been talk that Lucas Leiva might be heading to Besiktas, but now it seems Liverpool have decided not to let their man leave. Besiktas president Fikret Orma said:
Liverpool do not want him to go. The transfer can only go ahead with their say so there is nothing we can do right now.”
Word from Cadena Ser Sevilla, the Spanish radio station, who report that Fernando Llorente is heading to Sevilla from Juventus. Not sure if it’s a loan or a permanent move, but one of their alternatives was apparently one Andy Carroll. Eeesh.
You want some Wales news? Here’s the squad to play Cyprus and Israel in the upcoming European Championship qualifiers: Hennessey, Ward, Fon Williams; A Williams, Chester, Collins, Davies, Gunter, Taylor, Henley, Richards; Ledley, Ramsey, J Williams, King, Edwards, MacDonald, Cotterill; Robson-Kanu, Lawrence, Bale, Church, Vokes.
Remember when Manchester United signed Fábio Coentrão? Well, no, you don’t, because that was one of a number of transfers they effed up a few years back. Obviously they don’t really need a left-back now, but it seems that particular train has sailed, because Coentrão is off to either Inter or Monaco, according to Marca.
Kevin de Bruyne update! Fresh news! Well, actually, it’s nothing of the sort, but it passes a minute or so.
De Bruyne’s agent has apparently told Sky in Germany - and brace yourself for this - that: “There is nothing new to report. We’ll see in the next couple of days. It’s also difficult for the players.”
Oh.
And now, advice on how to get around customs laws.
Aidy Griffin has some thoughts. Specifically, on Erik Lamela:
“How much of Erik Lamela’s sudden interest in la dolce vita at Inter has been spurred (pun intended) by Dele Ali’s goal scoring PL debut last weekend?
“Ali probably costs a lot less than Lamela, knows where the goal posts are (it is unclear whether Lamela has a grip on this aspect of the game) and most importantly understands that putting the ball in the goal not faffing about with it in midfield is what the game is about.
“Everyone knows Lamela is a uniquely talented footballer but it is a pity that Spurs fans didn’t get to see consistent proof of this on the field. Best for all concerned if he catches the next Do One Express to Milan, hopefully taking Baldini along as extra baggage.
“As a Spurs fan who once had high hopes for Lamela, it grieves me to say this but he just isn’t cut out for the EPL.”
The Rumour Mill contained talk that Andriy Yarmolenko would be moving to Barcelona, and their pet paper Sport reckon that he turned down Arsenal in the hope of completing that move.
Apparently Arsène Wenger gave him a call, but he politely responded: “I am very grateful but my dream is to play for Barca.”
EXCLUSIVE! Huge Blow For Manchester United As Zlatan CONFIRMS Shock Malmö Move
MFF in Champions League. One day I hope to experience the Champions League in Malmö on the pitch. Congratulations! pic.twitter.com/ZJ5CAMPBNH
— Zlatan Ibrahimović (@Ibra_official) August 26, 2015
And here’s an answer:
@NickMiller79 re: has anyone been to keen to join us... http://t.co/FRKRfap6q6
— chip de la touche (@john_neptune) August 26, 2015
Has a player ever been so desperate to move to Bournemouth? According to the Daily Mail, Lewis Grabban disappeared from the Norwich hotel before their League Cup game against Rotherham last night, after a bid from the Cherries (worth around £6million) was rejected.
Alex Neil said after the game:
I don’t have any issues with any player. He might have an issue but I’ll quickly fix it...There won’t be any shedding of light. Any sort of thing that happens behind closed doors stays there and that has always been the case and that will remain the case.
“As far as I am concerned Lewis Grabban is a Norwich player, bottom line, that is it. Every player has got a price, but they [Bournemouth] have to meet a valuation we think the player is at, not what they think the player is valued at.
“We have rejected three bids from Bournemouth and the bids we have received were not anywhere near the valuation of our player.
“Until we get to a stage where the bids are acceptable then Lewis Grabban remains a Norwich player.”
Well, people? Why don’t they? Tell @circusfreak88 why. Or why not. Emails, tweets, Snapchats, shouts out of your window, good vibes welcome. Apart from Snapchat. I don’t really know what that is.
@NickMiller79 my last tweet was aimed in your direction. pic.twitter.com/4aKvLIShGY
— The Official Kate (@circusfreak88) August 26, 2015
One of the more unlikely supergroups here, but take a quick break from this transfer hoo-ha by enjoying Taylor Swift, St Vincent and Beck doing the latter’s ‘Dreams’:
And to relate this slightly to football, here’s Annie Clark/St Vincent teaching you how to do ‘The Rainbow’. Take a deep breath, compose yourselves and be still your beating hearts, indie boys and girls.
Interesting line from German tittle tattle title Bild, who report that there could be another spanner in the Kevin de Bruyne works. Word was knocking around yesterday that Bayern Munich are in for the Belgian Milkybar Kid, but the paper now claims Paris St Germain are keen too.
Of course this could be true. But it also could be some sneaky sneak at Wolfsburg trying to add another few €€€€€€€€€€€ to his price.
A plea, from Tom Levesley, who from reading between the lines and picking up subtle hints, I have deduced is a West Brom fan: “If Jeremy Peace is reading this, please, please take the next offer. He’ll be no good to us for the rest of the year and/or we’ll sell him for half the price come January, and Rondon looked very good on Saturday. It feels like an Enzo Maresca opportunity from 10 (15?) years ago – the money we got from him built a championship team that has a lot to do with where we are now.”
Ah. Sorry for getting your hopes up Spurs fans, but it looks like Asier Illarramendi won’t be heading to White Hart Lane after all, because - according to Marca, at least - he’s in San Sebastián for a medical ahead of a return to Real Sociedad.
Hopefully David Moyes will figure out how to say his name before he puts pen to paper.
As you’ll know, Mario Balotelli is heading back to AC Milan, but they’re covering their bases - apparently he’s going to have a behaviour clause in his contract.
According to Gazzetta, Balotelli must not damage the image of the club and his Twitter, Facebook and Instagram posts will be closely monitored.
He will be banned from extravagant haircuts and clothing, from smoking and from visiting night clubs and must turn up on time from training. His drinking will also be limited.
The no boozing and time-keeping stuff seems fair enough, but the ‘no extravagant haircuts thing is a bit of a rum do. How are we policing that? Is Philippe Mexes restricted by the same draconian grooming policy?
The whole business of a behaviour clause for Balotelli now seems a bit odd/unfair, since he didn’t really do anything in his year at Liverpool. Indeed, that was the problem.
Samir Nasri is looking increasingly like a third (fourth or fifth) wheel in Manchester City’s new sexy attacking midfield set-up, what with Raheem Sterling and impending Kevin de Bruyne to deal with. Thus, there is a certain amount of logic to Italian paper Tuttosport’s claim that Juventus are keen on the occasionally sulky midfielder.
Our chum and Dutch football top bod Michiel Jongsma’s day will be made if we mention Hedwiges Maduro’s move from PAOK Saloniki (hang on, PAOK Saloniki? Wasn’t he quite good years ago?) to FC Groningen, so consider it mentioned.
A couple of interesting side-notes in that story include Tottenham’s interest in a defensive midfielder...
Mauricio Pochettino, the Spurs manager, is also keen to add a commanding defensive midfielder and Asier Illarramendi of Real Madrid is one option that he has considered. The 25-year-old joined Madrid from Real Sociedad in 2013 for £23m but he has struggled to establish himself at the Bernabéu.
...and also the possibility that an attacking midfielder could be doing one at some stage...
The Tottenham winger, Erik Lamela, who has endured a dismal start to the season, is a target for Internazionale. “We are in talks with Inter so we’re discussing it,” Lamela’s father, José, said. “We would like a return to Italy.”
Lest you missed it (although quite what else you could possibly have been doing is unclear), have some details about West Brom cocking a snook at Tottenham’s latest bid of £22million for Saido Berahino, via your pal and ours David Hytner.
The Rumour Mill
Want something a little less concrete? Step right up, step right up, step right up pals, bargains galore, for here is the Rumour Mill, which will answer such questions as:
- Which Stoke target might be moving to Barcelona?
- Which Celtic defender who couldn’t keep Malmo quiet could be replacing John Stones at Everton?
- Which clubs aren’t quite as fussed as David Gold about the state of Charlie Austin’s knees?
- Which Italian striker who sounds like a contact James Bond might meet in Monte Carlo are West Ham keen on?
- And will there, in fact, ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?
Looks like the inevitable transfer of John Stones to Chelsea will fulfil its inevitable destiny, like the sun rising in the morning, like eggs being eggs, like Manchester United declaring they don’t need to buy another striker because they have Marouane Fellaini.
After Stones handed in a transfer request yesterday, it seems Chelsea are set to up their bid to £40million. Here’s Dominic Fifield’s story on the matter:
He had been reluctant to force the issue further but Everton’s refusal to countenance his departure this summer has prompted Stones to take matters into his own hands. The appeal of Champions League football with the Premier League title holders is apparently too great and Stones handed in the request before training on Tuesday afternoon and is now awaiting a response.
Everton have suggested publicly that their hardline stance would not change even if the player asked for a move, maintaining a policy that saw them retain Leighton Baines despite strong interest from Manchester United in 2013. The left-back opted against submitting a transfer request and, six months later, signed a long-term contract at Goodison Park.
Updated
Preamble
Good morning. One more day closer to the merciful release of the infinite. By which of course we mean the end of the transfer window. Will any deals be done today? Well, sources have told the Guardian they might, but equally they might not.
There is quite literally only one way to find out, so keep this blog open all day, and just quit your job if your boss rumbles you and tells you to start doing some work. You can always find alternative employment, but there will only ever be one summer 2015 transfer window.
