You don't get to the big leagues by just applying to places. You earn the stripes. You put in the hours. You shed your blood, sweat, tears, and often a small fortune just to get in the door. And even then, you're scouted, you're courted, you're wined, dined, and then, if they like you, they'll ask which sponsors you're bringing to the table. At least, that's the normal route for MotoGP and other top-tier racers.
It's a business and marketing decision, and one that's largely made without a job application or cover letter—why won't those freakin' die already?—and made in a boardroom, not by some lowly HR person passing anything along to management. It's decided during silly season, as most race fans will attest.
That, apparently, isn't how Superfile Trackhouse MotoGP Team is doing it, as it's put out a call for regular, average, everyday riders to apply for one of its coveted MotoGP spots on the grid. It's most certainly a silly publicity stunt, but maybe we should all apply? Just for funzies? I mean, maybe they're serious? Maybe I, at nearly 40 and with the reflexes of a dead raccoon, but with a complete lack of self-preservation, could do well against the likes of 20-year-old Pedro Acosta or 9-time champion Marc Marquez? I could take Jack Miller!
I can't take Jack Miller...
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In a VERY tongue-in-cheek post on LinkedIn—where else would you expect it to be?—Superfile Trackhouse MotoGP states that the team is looking for its next MotoGP star.
"‼️ WE'RE HIRING! ‼️," the posting starts, adding that the location is "global" and that the "calendar decides, not you." It is full-time, though, so you get a "competitive salary, inversely proportional to gravel-trap frequency. Full medical. You'll need it. Team-issued motorcycle (returns not accepted, also not really possible). Unlimited ice baths, physio, and mild existential dread. Champagne on Sundays, when applicable."
If selected, you'll sit next to Raúl Fernández on the grid with the team, and that "We value speed, precision, and a healthy relationship with risk." I've definitely got the latter. The two former...eh. But I can learn! You do need some skills, though.
According to the team, you'll need to be able to "Operate a motorcycle at speeds north of 220 mp/h, ideally while facing forwards. Translate 45 minutes of controlled chaos into calm, technical feedback for your engineers. Handle press conferences and sponsor commitments with visible composure. Maintain a respectful, occasionally combative relationship with gravel traps. Wear leather to work. Every day. Non-negotiable."
As for who should apply, if you've got "Proven form in Moto2, Moto3, or a suspiciously competitive local karting scene. Reflexes that outrun conscious thought. Comfortable being out-briefed in the data room and out-quipped in the press room. A resting heart rate your GP will want to discuss. Fluent in English, conversational in Apologising (Italian a strong plus). [Or] appetite for risk; zero appetite for finishing outside the points," you should give them a ring.
I mean, my resting HR is 48, sooooooooo. And mi dispiace, mi dispiace. I'm basically Canadian in my Italian sorries despite my southern Italian roots.
If any of this sounds like you, you can send over your resume and cover letter—WHY, TRACKHOUSE, WHY?!—to apply@trackhousemotogp.com. We've been assured it actually works and definitely doesn't go into the team's Spam folder...
