Anyway, thanks all for your company and comments - bye.
FULL-TIME: Spurs 1-2 Dortmund (agg 1-5)
And that’s that; the score tells you all you need to know. Spurs aren’t bad at all, Dortmund are very good indeed, and proved it across near enough every minute of this tie. It’ll take a serious performance to stop them.
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90+2 min I wonder if Pochettino regrets the team he picked for the first leg, but I’d guess not. His first team at its best is no match for Dortmund.
90 min There shall be two added minutes, and the Dortmund fans are starting to enjoy themselves.
89 min Aubameyang pulls into space at inside-left, effortlessly sliding away from Wimmer and to the line, pulling back for Kagawa to shoot wide.
87 min This game is now down to shlurrying pace, and Weidenfeller is taking plenty of time over a goalkick. Meanwhile, Robbie Savage reckons Mark Noble should be in the England squad, which I don’t get. Sure, he’s playing well, but what’s the point? He’s not international class and never will be - give the spot to someone with potential.
85 min People are starting to go home as an announcement comes over the PA in German. Surely they aren’t keeping the Dortmund fans in?
84 min In particular, Weigl looks a really serious player - his passing is slick, accurate and clever.
82 min It’s very hard to see any team beating Dortmund in this competition. Seville are good too, and Bilbao have a chance, but they players they have - and, just as importantly, the confidence - makes them a hot favourite.
80 min Spurs are now playing for time.
78 min Kagawa diddles Mason and Alderweireld in centrefield, winning a free-kick, and nothing happens subsequently.
75 min If there isn’t a Kevin Wimmer song to this, then there should be.
72 min Lamela departs and Onomah comes on. On which point, Shinji Kagawa is also on, for Mkhitaryan.
Updated
GOAL! Spurs 1-2 Dortmund (Son, 71) agg 1-5
And he runs into the net to retrieve the ball - bless. Subotic isn’t concentrating, he knees a long pass behind him, looking for his keeper but getting nowhere near, and Son pounces to round Weidenfeller and roll home. Game on!
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GOAL! Spurs 0-2 Dortmund (Aubameyang) agg 0-5
This one is probably over now. Mkhitaryan glides through midfield, no one bothers attending to him, and he stabs a ball through to Aubameyang on his right. Advancing into the box, he rams a shot that Lloris manages to get a hand to, but has no chance of saving.
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70 min Pochettino has seen enough, and Alli goes off, to be replaced by Tom Carroll, he of the assist.
Tom Carroll was dropping fire assists before Ozil even knew who Arsenal were. pic.twitter.com/kIXDYUsj7j
— Yidvids (@YidVids) December 23, 2015
68 min Alderweireld hits one of his “diags, finding Rose who, very deliberately, stabs a cross for Chadli. But the ball won’t come down, and Subotic is able to smother the attempted shot.
67 min Can someone please confirm that when Dortmund played Monchengladbach a few years ago, the English commentator described “the Borussia derby”?
65 min Mkhitaryan charges through centrefield and Dier slides in to bring him down. It looks a foul, but actually it’s a great tackle, and while Mkhitaryan writhes, Castro furiously brings down Lamela and is booked.
64 min Spurs are doing their best to rush Dortmund and the crowd are getting behind them, but it’s all bubbles, no solid at the moment.
62 min Thomas Tuchel is a fantastic name, like something from a Yiddish saying. “He’s not just any old Thomas Tuchel, you know.”
60 min Dortmund brings on Pulisic, the American youth international, for Reus. They probably think they’re going to win this.
58 min My oh my, Dortmund have missed some chances tonight. Trippier squeezes up to the extent that one straight pass from Weigl sends Aubameyang in on goal. He hares through at inside-right, pursued by Alderweireld, and the pressure gets to him, forcing a slash that whooshes high and wide.
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57 min Again, Son gets in behind, but the ball won’t come down for him, then he goes with his right foot when it’s on his left side, and Subotic is able to intercede.
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56 min Spurs can’t get anything going at all - they’ll do well to forget tonight by Sunday, because this tie has been a stark reminder of their standard. Of course, it bears no relation to their ability to win the league, but confidence isn’t often rational.
54 min Sokratis, who hasn’t looked fully fit, is replaced by Durm.
52 min The ball drops out of the air to Trippier on the right touchline, 35 yards out, and he allows it to hit his instep, gliding a lovely ball down the line for Son. But he’s easily run out of it by Piszczek, and that’s that.
51 min Not a whole lot is coming to pass, eventuating or occurring.
49 min I know he’s playing against some smart operators in Weigl and Castro, but I like Alli a bit deeper than tonight, so he’s got space in front to burst into.
48 min “I really hope the Spurs drummer was not banned after the South Africa World Cup, it ruins a perfectly good anecdote,” writes John Tumbridge. “I have been telling people for years, that he was allowed into the Spurs for many seasons with the drum before anyone thought to check his ticket; which had expired.”
If it no go so it go near so.
48 min I must say, I’m surprised by how good Alderweireld is - I thought he’d peaked at Warnings/Promises.
46 min Spurs set us away.
Right, we’re ready to go again - no changes as yet.
Harry Kane appears to be warming up. I don’t think I grasp the point of that - not at this stage.
Half-time entertainment:
Robert Schirmer emails in as regards Aubameyang’s goal - the absence of deflection can be seen here.
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Half-time: Spurs 0-1 Dortmund (agg 0-4)
Dortmund are just a bit too good.
45+3 min Spurs win a free-kick and Mason has a dig as the ball bobbles around the box, then Dortmund break. Suddenly, Piszczek flights a ball over the top, and Mkhitaryan is through! But he dallies and again, Alderweireld dashes back to save what’s left of the day.
45+2 min Philippe Coutinho has scored an absolute jazzer at Old Trafford - that should see Liverpool through.
45 min “This negative Walker chat is nearly as naive as Poch’s XI in the first leg,” says Nic Owen. “He’s been class this season. He may not have a cross on him like Trippier, but he brings way more attacking nouse and his defending, positioning and concentration have come on leaps and bounds this season.
PS Wouldn’t get Kane on at half time, would get Alderweireld and Dier off. All eyes to Bournemouth.”
Hard to disagree with that at this point - and as Alli rams a shot into Ginter’s hand from point-blank range. There shall be three added minutes.
43 min “Why have they let the Dortmund guy in with the drum,” asks Mark Hockings, “when they banned our (Spurs) drummer on the shelf several years ago on the back of the vuvuzela World Cup?”
As Bros once said, I can’t answer that, I can’t answer that. And I’d hazard a guess that no one else can either.
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41 min Things are quiet. And then Lamela takes ab ball on the half-turn at inside-right, losing Sokratis beautifully and rolling in Son. As the keeper advances, all he has to do is slide it past him, which he does - only to send it wide. That was not so good.
40 min “Wasn’t that “incredible” strike by Aubemayang deflected off Trippier’s knee?” “asks” Gareth Beale.
It’s possible, though not sure who termed it thusly. I didn’t spot it live, after which I was typing as fast as my fingers would carry me. But it would certainly explain its deviation.
38 min “If you were trapped in a lift with someone whose surname was as interesting as ‘Trippier’, you’d have at least one thing more to talk about than if they were called Walker,” points out David Young. “So yeah, Trippier gets my vote.”
His grandad was plain old Trippy, then went to university and reinvented himself.
37 min “Walker has had lots of injury problems, but has improved defensively, tweets Alex Perring. “Think he just panics on the ball, difficult to coach out. On potential, Trippier clearly could become better, but lets not forget they are only a couple of months apart age wise.”
Yeah, I agree with the first part - the second part depends. Some players develop sooner, some have opportunity to develop sooner.
35 min Lamela curls a very presentable ball to the back post, and Alderweireld is in on it, but Subotic swings a random leg at it, connects, and the ball goes out of the aforementioned Alderweireld.
34 min Martial scores. Here, more of the same: Spurs pass without penetration, Dortmund eventually step in - though this time, they concede a free-kick 40 yards out.
33 min Meanwhile, at Old Trafford, Anthony Martial has roasted Nathaniel Clyne, not for the first time, been brought down, and is preparing to take the resultant penalty...
32 min Apparently Robbie Savage said on telly that Dortmund would stroll the Premier League this season - and people disagreed with him. On what basis he doesn’t elucidate, but really; they’re miles better and more grooved than anything I’ve seen.
31 min Harry Kane is warming up, presumably because he’s cold.
29 min “Walker has looked good recently but can be a liability,” asserts Xander Wood. “Trippier lacks pace but his deliveries more than make up for that.”
When he broke through, Walker looked like he might be special - why hasn’t he progressed?
27 min Confidence turns into over-confidence as Wimmer slips and Aubameyang robs him, bearing down on goal. But instead of putting his laces through it, he dallies and checks to show everyone how good he is and Alderweireld storms into to tackle, then strides clear and chucks in a Zidane turn for good measure. What a buy he was.
27 min “I’d lean towards Trippier,” emails Michael Cook, “if not now then maybe in the next season or two. His crossing is usually excellent and he seems to read the game better. Walker’s assets are his pace and his work rate, but season after season he’s proved himself capable of making absolutely ridiculous, head-scratching mistakes. The NYC Spurs supporters group has a saying: “The Walker Giveth and the Walker Taketh Away.”
GOAL! Spurs 0-1 Dortmund agg 0-4 (Aubameyang, 24)
When you’re hot, you’re steaming! Aubameyang picks up the ball 25 yards out, left of centre, and, though admittedly no one bothers closing down, he does also absolutely waste a swerver into the far corner. Brilliantly done.
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22 min Dortmund are dropping off a little now and Spurs are growing in confidence. They find Trippier down the right and he swings over a good cross that Sokratis heads out. The corner is reasonable too, for Dier at the near post, but he can’t quite contort his head round it, sending it just wide. In any event, Castro was on the post, but these last few minutes have been better for Spurs.
21 min First little bit of Spurs, Rose and Chadli exchanging passes down the left. Rose looked up and cut back a smart, low cross, but Subotic was there to intercept. Better.
20 min Spurs have barely been near Dortmund’s goal yet - so far, this tie is a reminder of just how far off English teams are at the moment.
18 min Not a whole lot is coming to pass here. But Gareth Beale emails thusly:
“I think the die was cast with the team selection last week, which went about as badly as it could have. To recover completely would take too much out of this team. I’m sure most Spurs fans are willing to let go the EL at this point, but a 1-0 or 2-0 would restore some pride at least.”
16 min “Trippier is certainly not better than Walker,” tweets Alex perring. “Trippier makes Walker look like a world class defender, he can put a ball in though.”
Fair enough - you probably watch Spurs more often than I do. But with some coaching, I think Trippier could become a very good player, whereas I’ve never been much impressed by Walker.
14 min Ooh this is delicious invention from Dortmund. Ginter swings the ball into Mkhitaryan, who springs into space ina a central area, emerges into the box and without breaking stride, backheels to Reus directly behind him. The ensuing shot is leathered into the side-netting, but that’s warning; these guys know precisely that which they’re doing.
13 min Those two stoppages have, on the one hand, prevented Spurs from getting going. But, on the other, perhaps they’ll disrupt Dortmund’s rhythm.
12 min Oh dear - Ben Davies is down again, looking groggy as. That’ll be his evening, and Danny Rose is getting ready to replace him.
12 min Trippier is better than Walker; discuss.
10 min Dortmund stroke the ball across the back four and Spurs are struggling to stop them - and when Spurs attempt the same, they’re harried this way and that.
9 min Davies trots off and back on again.
7 min Davies is still down, but we see him say “I’m ok” - good news. But I’m not sure he’ll be able to continue.
6 min Mkhitaryan, wide left, finds Reus, who slings a cross into the middle - Lloris collects easily, but absolutely bodies Davies, who stays down. On come the physios.
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5 min Dortmund have started very nicely - they’ve not created anything further, but look incredibly comfortable. My old fella once told me,a teacher in his primary school used to mispronounce words in spelling test, such as comFORtable. Send in your ridiculous twcher behaviour here - at my primary school, the punishment for kicking was being made to stand on the stage at lunchtime, on a piece of green paper, shoes and socks off. This, apparently, was similar to what donkeys did.
3 min Spurs fans - actually anyone’s fans - chuck the Uefa to do everything possible to win the league, or not?
1 min Dortmund are already snapping into tackles, and Aubameyang, drifting right, curves a ball into the corridor named Uncertainty, seeking Reus - he’s not far away.
1 min Dortmund get us underway.
Here’s Mats Anderson again - surely there’s a better winger than Harry Kane? Jose Dominguez who plays on the wingeuz, for example.
“Jennings, Bill Nick, Steve Perryman, Ledley King, Cyril Knowles,Hoddle, Mackay, Blanchflower, Waddle, Greaves, Kane.”
Robbie Savage reckons Bournemouth at home on Sunday should’ve meant Harry Kane starting tonight; I’m not so sure. 2-0, fine, but 3?
The players are tunnelled, and in tracksuit tops. Dortmund’s are a lot better, as you’d expect.
“Two former great European teams scrapping it out in a competition which is a bigger joke than the Community Shield,” reckons Ezra Finkelstein.
Not sure about that - whether either ever were, but also whether the competition is a joke. More laughable, I’d say, is how the English clubs have thought themselves above it.
“If we win the game we retire the adjective Spursy?” asks Mats Anderson. “Certainly not, we retrieve it. Take it back. Back to it’s proper meaning, from the days of Bill Nick, Danny B, Hoddle, Gazza etc. Like Kane, one of our own. A word of our own. But maybe Michael Philip just misspellt retrieve.”
That was me, not him - but doesn’t “spursy” come well after all that lot?
More nostalgia. Clap those hands.
Talking of YouTube uploads, my first visit to the Lane is a recent addition. SPOILER: Mitchell Thomas scores an overhead kick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2msTWBk2gE
“Thank you for exhibit A - certainly gave me a nostalgic buzz…” emails John. “Can I take this opportunity to ask if anyone’s found the 5-1 game against Grasshoppers Zurich onYouTube, or could kindly upload it? My dear Father
took me to the game as a kid, and I was blown away but have never seen it since. All I can remember is a move down the left side culminating in a low cross and an absolutely horizontal Gilzean skidding through the mud from the right to put the ball in… Magic.”
Someone help this man out, or at least reminisce with him. And send in your all-time Spurs XIs, too. Austin, Nethercott, Vega and Edinburgh are my back four.
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“What’s the game plan, to get an early goal?”
“It’s always to get an early goal, in any game we play it’s to get an early goal!”
Thomas Tuchel is superb.
Why do telly folk think that you like to watch your goal recaps upside down with a head inclined at 64 degrees, and aren’t especially bothered to see what happened.
Hand over mouth time.
“3-0 Spurs, Spurs winning on penalties - you read it here first,” emails Michael Philip.
If Spurs could win a shootout - against a German team, noch - then it really might be time to retire the adjective “spursy”.
I’ll level with youse: those line-ups don’t shriek Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 Borussia Dortmund. However, impossible is nothing. However, should it turn out that impossible is actually something, there’s still plenty to look forward to. There are still plenty of lovely players in the team Mauricio Pochettino has sent out, while Dortmund have the wonrdrous Marco Reus, one of the funnest players in world football, and much more besides.
TEAMS!
Tottenham Hotspur: Lloris, Trippier, Alderweireld, Wimmer, Davies; Dier, Mason; Chadli, Alli, Lamela; Son.
Dortmund: Weidenfeller, Piszczek, Sokratis, Subotic, Ginter, Weigl, Reus, Castro, Schmelzer, Aubameyang, Mkhitaryan.
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Exhibit A:
Preamble
Aleksey Vayner is not a name frequently mentioned when discussing the finer points of association football, but Tottenham Hotspur could do worse than examine his legacy before they take to the field this evening. The need to retrieve a three-goal deficit against one of Europe’s best and most in-form sides seems impossible; seems. Because we now know that impossible is nothing. So, there you go.
Kick-off: 8.05pm GMT
