WHEN THE CROWD SAY BOO, EJECT HIM
If you stick a ferret down your trousers it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise when it nips your crown jewels, so it’s no great shock that Tottenham’s appointment of a conservative, counter-attacking manager did not lead to them playing the kind of liquid football all involved with the club were hoping to see after the departure of José Mourinho.
When Nuno Espírito Santo was appointed by Tottenham following a long and extremely drawn out selection process in which they were turned by Mauricio Pochettino, Antonio Conte, Paulo Fonseca, Gennaro Gattuso, Dave from Chas & Dave and several bewildered pedestrians hauled into their stadium boardroom off Tottenham High Road, he was immediately on the back foot because everyone on the planet knew he was nowhere near the club’s first choice.
Fast forward four months and Nuno was left looking like a sad spaniel who’s just realised he’s being taken to the vet, as 62,000 enraged Tottenham fans booed one of the most “Lads, It’s Tottenham” capitulations in recent memory. To nobody’s great surprise, Nuno was finally put out of his misery this morning, with everyone apart from those who decided to employ him in the first place having known from the get-go that he’d almost certainly been on a hiding to nothing.
“I know how much Nuno and his coaching staff wanted to succeed and I regret that we have had to take this decision,” said the Spurs director of football Fabio Paratici, having unceremoniously ushered the Portuguese to the training ground door marked Do One. “Nuno is a true gentleman and will always be welcome here. We should like to thank him and his coaching staff and wish them well for the future.”
Having dawdled over Nuno’s appointment in the hope of attracting Antonio Conte, Spurs have moved at the speed of light today in the hope of attracting … er, Antonio Conte. Having rebuffed his White Hart Lane suitors during the summer because there was something about the club “that didn’t convince me”, the Italian now seems more enthused by a move to N17 despite presumed eyelash-batting in his general direction from Manchester United and Newcastle.
Reports from his native Italy suggest the man who has won titles with Juventus, Chelsea and Inter is an “advanced talks” over an 18-month contract with Tottenham, presumably subject to certain cast-iron guarantees of investment in the January transfer window that are likely to cause Levy, a notoriously tough negotiator, more than a few sleepless nights. Having already stuck two metaphorical ferrets down his trousers with predictably disastrous consequences, it would be prudent for Levy to acquiesce to the demands of this particular cantankerous critter to avoid getting bitten yet again.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“When I was signing my second contract at Forest, I was called into Clough’s office. He was sat there with Frank Sinatra on. He just said: ‘Do you like playing for me, son?’ I replied: ‘Yes, gaffer.’ ‘OK, son. Sign that.’ And he slid over the contract, no details on it, just his signature and a space for mine. His dog, Del, was there. It was one of the most surreal situations I’ve ever been in. So I signed. I would have signed for nothing. If Forest wanted me to sign, I’m signing” – Ian Woan relives Nottingham Forest memories in this cracking interview with Michael Butler.
FIVER LETTERS
“I was playing on Football Manager earlier when I got offered the Spurs job! I politely declined, hung up the phone and went back to playing my game” – James Vortkamp-Tong.
“In their eternal search for the power and the glory, Spurs have turned to Harry, Jamie, and Nuno. In other words, the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost (what did you think Espírito Santo meant?). Sadly, none of them could do miracles. But now they’re turning to Antonio Conte – and rather happily Saint Anthony is the patron saint of lost things” – Mark McFadden.
“I thought that Newcastle United fans said Steve Bruce (win ratio 29%) was the main problem rather than the lack of quality of players? Anyway, the caretaker manager has admittedly only been in charge for two games but is still on a win ratio of 0% so far after playing Crystal Palace and now Chelsea, who were missing Mount, Lukaku, Werner, Pulisic and Kovacic. Where’s John Carver when you need him?” – Noble Francis.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Mark McFadden.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Watford are investigating an allegation of homophobic chanting at their match against Southampton on Saturday.
Hungary fans will be barred from attending the country’s final Human Rights World Cup qualifier away to Poland after clashes with the police at Wembley last month. The Hungarian FA has also been fined 75,000 Swiss francs (£60,170) over the disorder during the game against England.
Marcus Rashford has hit back at Owen Hargreaves’ claim that his goal celebration at Spurs showed he was “fuming” at being left out. “Fuming at the manager??! We won the game. That celebration was pure relief!” Rashford posted on Social Media Disgrace Twitter.
More names in the frame to be the next Newcastle manager: Germany’s Sport1 reckon the club’s new owners want to prise Unai Emery away from Villarreal (current league position: 13th) while Sportitalia claim talks are ongoing with 2017’s Eddie Howe.
On a good day to bury sacking news, Barnsley have given Markus Schopp the chop and League Two basement club Firewall FC have fired bundled Neil Cox through the door marked Do One.
And finally, Fun and Games in South America dept: Grêmio fans stormed on to the pitch and destroyed a VAR monitor after a goal was disallowed in their 3-1 home defeat by Palmeiras. The defeat leaves the three-times Copa Libertadores winners second-bottom of the Brazilian top flight.
STILL WANT MORE?
Neymar turned up against Lille. Why can’t he be like this all the time, ponders Adam White.
Giovanni Simeone is tired of talking about his dad, so wrote his own story against Juventus. Nicky Bandini explains.
Christian Streich is leading Freiburg into a new dimension, writes Andy Brassell.
Spurs have one of the great stadiums and all it cost them was the team, muses floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson.
De Bruyne, Ramsdale, Raphinha and Potter are the protagonists in our latest batch of Premier League talking points.
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