About two months into the graduate trainee programme, I had a bit of a freak out. It was a bit adolescent in hindsight but I started asking myself "who am I?" Having spent nearly six years in advertising, I didn't realise how much my job and professional status and even clothes had defined my sense of self. It wasn't just the day to day work, but the move from a hip office in Soho to a school at the end of the District Line left me with a feeling of being out of touch with, well, everything. I don't believe that clothes maketh the woman, but I used to love the fact I could wear anything to work and enjoyed dressing up. Now I scrutinise my hem and neck lines for fear of appearing too provocative and barely wear a scrap of make-up.
"It's only natural," you (and certainly my mother) may cry. Of course, but this transition could have been smoother if I had taken more time to reflect. We reflect on a daily basis without being conscious of it — about whether we bought the right sandwich for lunch, or the right dress size, or had quite the appropriate reaction when our mother told us our shoes don't go with our bag. But I am talking about a more conscious and deliberate effort; looking back regularly at teaching experiences in order to process and learn from them.
Early on in my training I asked a year 8 class to get into groups and make a poster about whether we should recycle. I thought they would jump at the chance to do something kinaesthetic with their peers that didn't involve lots of writing. It was a disaster; the students were not engaged, weren't really sure what they were doing, fought over resources and just wanted to chat. I was upset and annoyed having spent ages planning for it, but my mentor pushed me to think about why I felt that way and more importantly what I could have done to avoid the situation. I realised I should have made the activity much more structured and differentiated and consequently have not had this problem again.
Trainees are encouraged to write a reflective diary. Its main use is as evidence for meeting QTS (Qualified Teacher Status) standards but it can also be a useful outlet for a tricky day at school. I did sometimes resent having to write it, but it forced me to think about why I was frustrated at a lesson or a child and equally why something might have gone so right for a change. Above your diary however, do try to make a habit of analysing why and what the repercussions of a response were. As far as I can see, if the desired outcome is not achieved, most of the time it is the teacher's fault for not reacting to a change in situation in the most constructive way.
I can only talk from the perspective of a state school teacher who was immersed into school life from day one; the ride might be a little smoother as a PGCE, I don't know. Either way it can do no harm to make a real effort to be aware of, and reflect on, your emotions and reactions to school, class and pupil situations and think about what you could have done differently. It has certainly helped me learn a great deal from my mistakes and my lucky strikes. Oh, and I am more sure now of what makes me me than ever before. In fact I am going to reflect on that and how brilliant it is to be a teacher as I hop off to France to enjoy the six weeks summer holiday.
Flora's tips will resume after her break.
