Dad-of-three Rob Manuel has sifted through 150,000 confessions submitted to him anonymously via his viral Twitter account - Fesshole. He receives around 200 a day, which can range from people admitting white lies, sharing awkward incidents, and revealing wicked encounters - all of which are either interesting or funny, which is Rob's rule of thumb when deciding those that make the cut.
Following the account's instant success, three years later, he's compiled his favourites into a new book - The Very Best of Fesshole: Britain Confesses Anonymously. The book plays on the idea of how worshippers confess their sins to God and is centred around Rob's version of the biblical 10 commandments.
"Finally the second Bible has been published," Rob, 48, of north London, jokes to The Mirror. "I think very much like the Bible, it's full of stories that you can learn lessons from.
"I'm not telling you what the lesson is. I'm saying you need to read it and find your own meaning and important lessons of humanity." He later quips: "There's a lot of advice in there on how to screw people over in your office".
From ways to avoid embarrassment to revenge tactics, here are Rob's favourite confessions, with each one based on a makeshift commandment that he warns people should take "very, very seriously"...
1. THOU SHALT THINK OF VERY BRITISH WAYS TO AVOID EMBARRASSMENT
"I answer my front door in my coat, if it's someone I want to see I say I've just got in and if it's someone I really don't want to see I say I was just on my way out, works every time."
2. THOU SHALT ALWAYS WORK HARD IN THE OFFICE
"I have literally no idea what I'm doing at work and I've been here 8 months. I just sit and edit a fake Excel spreadsheet to make me look busy."
3. THOU SHALT ALWAYS ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE'S ACTIONS
"After a heavy drinking session, I shat the bed. Told the wife it was the dog to avoid embarrassment. The size and stench was so bad that she took him to the vet, and found out he was showing early signs of stomach cancer. I inadvertently saved my dog but can never take credit."
4. THOU SHALT HONOUR THY HUSBAND OR WIFE
"My wife passively aggressively points out my failings to the dog when I'm in earshot. I tell her this is pathetic, but when she goes out, I sit him down and give him my account of events at length."
5. THOU SHALT NEVER BE A BIT WHIMSICAL
"Whenever I refill the tea bags, if there is only 1 left in the jar, I move it to the top so that it is the next to fulfil its destiny and not consigned to a life of forever being trapped under its tea bag friends."
6. THOU SHALT NEVER OPT FOR PETTY REVENGE
"My ex broke up with me about a month before the finale of his favourite Netflix show hit. He'd organised a viewing party ready for midnight when it dropped. I let him stay signed in on my account until 11:59PM that day, when I changed the password & forced logout on all devices."
7. THOU SHALT NEVER TELL FIBS
"When visiting New York the wife and I had a routine each night when we ate out, I'd 'propose' to her and she'd tearfully accept, Americans being Americans would whoop and cheer and occasionally the restaurant let us eat for free. We'd been married 8 years."
8. THOU SHALT USE TECHNOLOGY RESPONSIBLY
"My organisation decided that the statement at the end of all email signatures should also be in Welsh to be inclusive. As the only Welsh speaker I translated, and added at the end the words 'here be dragons'. The whole organisation has had this on emails for four years now."
9. THOU SHALT RESPECT MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC
"I'm a bus driver. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'll look in the mirror while driving, and mutter to myself "you're all ****s aren't you?" and then tap the brakes twice so they all nod."
10. THOU SHALT NEVER DO CLEVER RETORTS
"Got harassed by a guy on a train for still wearing a mask. Loudly told him I was undergoing chemo. Got home and made a £50 donation to Macmillan. I don't have cancer, but the public humiliation of the fool was worth every penny."
You can read his full interview with The Mirror here - Meet the man thousands confess their darkest secrets to - that then go viral online. You can find The Very Best of Fesshole: Britain confesses anonymously on Amazon here. You can also buy tickets to Fesshole Live in London here and for his Leicester show next year here.
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