For the first time in a long while, Brock Lamb says he is enjoying being able to lead a "normal" life again.
Finally free of the pressures of being a professional footballer that used to mess with his head, the former Knights playmaker now goes off to work each day as an apprentice electrician with a smile on his face after walking away from the NRL.
For the first time, Lamb has opened up about his battles with his mental health at the start of pre-season training late last year after he had just joined the Parramatta Eels on a two year deal that led to him having to make some big decisions about his playing career.
At the time, he was mentally shot and could feel himself getting worse.
"I knew I wasn't right and mentally, I was in a pretty bad space," Lamb told us this week. "I just wasn't myself at all and I didn't want to end up getting worse and start treating the people I love like crap. I wanted to get on top of it straight away.
"I'd never felt like that before. I've always been a happy-go-lucky sort of person but I started to feel a bit crappy.
"I didn't even want to get out of bed - didn't want to get up to go to training which I'd never felt before, I've always loved training. I wasn't myself, that's for sure."
It took the 23-year-old just a week of training to realise how depressed he'd become. But it had been building up for more than six months.
"I just think it was a combination of living the way I'd been living," he said. "Leaving home and moving to Sydney, then moving to London and moving back home and then back to Sydney again.
"I was not living a good life. It was just on and off, in different spots, in and out of teams, going back and forth. It sort of built up over half a year or more and I wasn't dealing with it.
"I came back home from London at the end of last season and there were supposedly some other opportunities over there and here after I got back that fell through.
"To be honest, I was happy to be home and I already had my head wrapped around just staying back here and playing footy at Maitland.
"Then I got thrown this deal at Parramatta and I thought at the time taking it was the right thing to do. I'm a footy player, I should chase it. But as soon as I got down there, I just wasn't right."
An outstanding young local talent, Lamb played Australian Schoolboys at the end of 2014 while in the Knights junior system and less than 18 months later, debuted in the NRL at 19 under coach Nathan Brown at the start of the much-publicised re-build in 2016.
"It was pretty crazy at the time - an awesome feeling because it was always the goal to play first grade," he said. "I probably didn't feel it then but there was obviously a lot of pressure that went with all that.
"Like I said, I didn't feel it at the start but it came along gradually the more you played. The expectation grew."
In his 32 NRL games with the Knights, there were more than a few glimpses of the player Brown and the club hoped Lamb would development into. But his toughness and physicality in defence was often questioned and there is little doubt he suffered because of the lack of experience around him.
When the Knights signed halfback Mitchell Pearce and Connor Watson was recruited to play five-eighth in 2018, the writing was on the wall for Lamb.
He linked with the Sydney Roosters for 2019 with ironically, his only top grade game for the premiers coming off the bench in a mid-season hiding from the Knights on his old home ground. A few weeks later, he was in England, playing out the season with the London Broncos.
"I'm definitely enjoying life a lot more now being closer to family and friends," he said. "I'm feeling like a different person to what I was. A lot more relaxed and easy going."
As for those who say at 23, he has wasted a great opportunity, Lamb says:
"Some people think that it's a massive deal and I'm letting go of this big opportunity. But the bottom line is I just want to be happy and live a life that I'm happy with.
"Not many people can say they have ticked off a goal in life. I wanted to play in the NRL and I did that and now I can chase some other goals. I'm pretty stoked to be able to say I've done what I've done to be honest."
Our Easter quiz
1. Who scored the Newcastle Knights first try in a premiership match?
2. Who are the youngest and oldest players to have played in the top grade for the Knights?
3. Name the six Knights players to have all scored the most number of tries (4) in a game?
4. Which club forfeited to the Knights in the opening round of the 1996 season?
5. How many seasons in their 32-year history have the Knights featured in the finals series?
6. Name the six former Knights players to have played State of Origin for Queensland?
7. Name the six Knights players to have captained the side on only one occasion?
8. Which former Knight and South Newcastle coach is now on the coaching staff of the Brisbane Broncos?
9. Who was the Newcastle Jets inaugural A-League coach?
10. Who was the first Jets A-League coach to be sacked by the club?
11. Who did the Jets beat in extra time in the 2008 preliminary final to reach their first A-League grand final?
12. Which import was the Jets leading goal-scorer in the 2014-15 season?
13. Which Cessnock Goannas legend was named in the Newcastle Rugby League Team of the Century?
14. Who coached Toronto Workers to a drought-breaking Newcastle league premiership win in 1991?
15. Who ride the Kris Lees-trained County Tyrone to victory in the 2006 Sydney Cup?
16. Who are the four Newcastle Cup winners to have also won the Melbourne Cup?
Answers:
1.Brian Quinton 2. Owen Craigie (17 yrs, 2 mths, 20 days) and Jeremy Smith (36 yrs, 4 mths, 20 days). 3. Darren Albert, Adam MacDougall, Andrew Johns, Cooper Vuna, Akula Uate, James McManus 4. Cronulla Sharks 5. 13 6. Michael Hagan, Mike McLean, Robbie O'Davis, Adrian Brunker, Darius Boyd, Dane Gagai 7. Peter Johnson, Robbie O'Davis, Kirk Reynoldson, Adam Woolnough, Dan Tolar, Shaun Kenny-Dowall 8. Ben Cross 9. Richard Money 10. Nick Theodorakopoulos 11. Queensland Roar 12. Edson Montano (6 goals) 13. Don Schofield 14. Mal Graham 15. Jim Cassidy 16. Green Moon, Gurners Lane, Hyperno, Russia.
SIGN UP TODAY: For the best coverage of sport in Newcastle and the Hunter, subscribe to the newcastleherald.com.au/lovesport for unlimited digital access
In the news:
- Push for NSW government to reveal findings of investigation into controversial $44m Lake council loan scheme
- Man charged after police find drugs, throwing axe in car
- Coronavirus: Public health physician Dr David Durrheim answers reader's questions about COVID-19
- Closed beaches and empty streets: Pictures of Newcastle and the Hunter amid COVID-19
- Toohey's News, The Podcast Episode 05: Paul 'Chief' Harragon
- Three charged over late night Newcastle police chase
