1/2 I was 15, hands full with guitar and PE kit. He wrenched my school skirt up and #grabbed me on deserted train platform @EverydaySexism
— Maitre Chanteuse (@MaitreChanteuse) May 8, 2014
@EverydaySexism #grabbed at work by two of my managers within my first fortnight of being there
— Amy Stevens (@amystxo) May 8, 2014
A man once #grabbed me, in the crotch, as I hobbled down a busy street with my broken foot in plaster. In daylight. Never been so angry.
— Amy Davies (@Amy__Turtle) May 10, 2014
Was first #grabbed by a man on a number 9 bus on my way to school, age 14/15. He sat between me and the aisle and put his hand up my skirt
— Nina Bahadur (@nbahadur) May 8, 2014
Getting #grabbed and harassed is something that I have come to expect every time that I leave the house and I really wish that it wasn't
— H (@ironypursuit) May 8, 2014
Lost track of the amount of times I've been #grabbed
— Helen Breeze (@HBreezyboo) May 8, 2014
These are just a tiny selection of the thousands of stories that poured in when I started the hashtag #Grabbed on Twitter to document experiences of being touched, grabbed and groped without consent.
Within a few hours, according to the International Business Times, the hashtag had been used more than 6,000 times. By that evening it was the top trending topic in the UK.
As suggested by the overwhelming number of personal testimonies that flooded in, the experience of being touched in a sexual way without your consent is devastatingly common.
What is shocking about the #grabbed timeline on @EverydaySexism is it makes you realise how much this has been a part of your life.
— Joanne Radcliff (@GBBFamilyLaw) May 9, 2014
@EverydaySexism couldn't possibly count the number of unwanted times I've been #grabbed. those are the three i remember most right now...
— Kim Simpson (@kim_shift) May 9, 2014
The responses also clearly indicated that the phenomenon of being actively touched against your will has a disproportionate impact on members of the LGBTQ community.
As a #genderqueer person I've been #grabbed time and again by gay cis men who've said groping me 'doesn't count'. @EverydaySexism
— CN Lester (@cnlester) May 8, 2014
friend & I #grabbed by 3 males who said they wanted to "teach you not to be lezzies" bc we danced together in a club. others intervened.
— NellaLou (@NellaLou) May 8, 2014
Actually, it was my friend being #grabbed that outed her as trans & got her glassed in the face. A few years ago now.
— SuperQueer (@iamphoenixgray) May 8, 2014
What the entries starkly revealed was our societal normalisation of the phenomenon – women in particular are actively taught, at all ages, to accept it and not to protest.
As teenager I've been #grabbed at school. Reaction of my(female)teacher "That's normal. They are just boys. Don't pay attention."
— LaSara (@LaSignorinaSara) May 8, 2014
Let me wager in. I was #grabbed by a customer at work who, after i told him to stop and go away, was quick to tell me that I knew i liked it
— -B'S'C- (@xBritannie) May 8, 2014
@EverydaySexism Worked in hospitality at uni, was told getting #grabbed was just an 'occupational hazard' by bosses and not to stress.
— Gia Armstrong (@GeeArms) May 9, 2014
Part of the reason this normalisation is so effective is that it starts at a startlingly young age – for both victims and perpetrators.
In middle and high school, guys ran around and #grabbed girls in various places, tallying points before the bell rang. #sexism #feminism
— Jacqueline Franklin (@boobfood) May 8, 2014
@EverydaySexism I first #grabbed in 16 at a street by three guys(like 5 years younger than my age!) on a motorbike, then run away laughing
— (Janis) Al-Fath (@alfath92) May 8, 2014
re: #grabbed - when I was 13 one dude in our grade would casually grab girls' butts in the hallway & it was accepted as funny, unchallenged
— šīrīn ✺ šəfīʿ (@shereenTshafi) May 8, 2014
And the normalisation is perpetuated still further by a marked lack of response from witnesses and bystanders.
When I drew public attention to the man who #grabbed women & girls in public I was stunned how many others looked the other way, shameful
— Desiree (@TruckerDesiree) May 9, 2014
Many well-meaning people suggested various ways that victims should respond, but in reality, as so many of the tweets explained, shock, fear and embarrassment can make any response difficult under such circumstances.
@EverydaySexism #grabbed more than once. Standing at a bar waiting to be served. Didn't speak to me just went for it. Too stunned to respond
— Eleanor Parker (@EleanorParker24) May 8, 2014
I was 12 the 1st time I was #grabbed. He fondled my behind on a crowded train. First, I was confused & then, afraid. I froze.
— Holly Brown (@Br0wnieface) May 10, 2014
Even if the person being grabbed does manage to react, society's propensity to blame the victim and the idea of entitlement to female bodies in public spaces have become so ingrained that it often results in an aggressive, shaming or silencing outcome …
Last time I got #grabbed I lashed out in panic and was called a "violent bitch". The irony was lost on the drunken offender. @EverydaySexism
— Joy Snow (@secondmagpie) May 9, 2014
@EverydaySexism #Grabbed years ago from behind getting in to cab. After confronting the 4 lads, they shouted bitch and gave me the finger.
— Anna Phillips (@AnnaJPhillips) May 9, 2014
The #grabbed hashtag that @EverydaySexism have started is making me wonder how many assaults I've been too ashamed to report
— Fay (@fysbk) May 8, 2014
We have focused on victims instead of perpetrators for far too long – as one tweeter eloquently responded:
And to those saying "kick 'em in the balls" why should we resort to violence because you don't know how to behave properly? #grabbed
— Meem Guilliano (@MeemsInterlude) May 8, 2014
What is most shocking about all this is that the 2003 Sexual Offences Act clearly defines many of these incidents as sexual assault under UK law:
Sexual assault
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if –
(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b) the touching is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the touching, and
(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
Yet the majority of both victims and perpetrators don't seem to consider having your breasts groped or being grabbed between your legs to be "sexual assault" – partly because of the failure of UK sex and relationships education to inform young people about their rights, and partly because we are just so used to it. As one teenager recently told me on a school visit: "It's seen as normal – part of being a girl."
It's time for that to change. This is a shift we can all be a part of, whether reporting incidents when they happen to us, stepping in as bystanders to send a clear message that it isn't socially acceptable, supporting victims to feel able to report or educating young people.
The recent Project Guardian initiative from the British Transport Police was specifically aimed at tackling incidents like these on public transport – you can report incidents to them by calling 0800 40 50 40 or texting 61016. To report an incident to your local police, dial 101. In an emergency, call 999.
Perhaps the saddest thing of all about the #Grabbed hashtag was the number of people who wrote variations of: "I don't know any woman who hasn't been." Shame on us all if we don't take immediate action to change that.
