The jungle called for Tony McCoy, but though starvation, camaraderie and physical hardship on I’m A Celebrity might seem like a natural extension of his career in the saddle, the 20-times jumps champion did not listen. “I did think about doing it just for the craic,” he says, when it is pointed out that he could be in Australia this weekend with Ant and Dec. “And doing none of the challenges and making everyone starve, because I think if we’d have ended up having a starving competition, I’d probably have won. The worry is that they [his family] will bully you into it, and my daughter is one of the very few people that has control over me. But I’m not sure that reality TV is really for me.”
Instead, McCoy will be at Cheltenham’s Open meeting this weekend for an assignment that, in its way, seems equally daunting. He has film premieres to attend over the next couple of weeks as well, as Being AP, an honest and absorbing account of his final season, is due to launch in Dublin and London later this month. His book Winner: My Racing Life, was published last week. Saturday, though, will be his first afternoon as a pundit for Channel 4 Racing, a switch from performer to paid spectator that is making him nervous.
“I’m frightened about it,” he says, in an interview to promote Being AP, “more than I ever was [when I was riding]. Because I always felt confident on a horse, even when I was young, I felt confident on a horse. I don’t feel comfortable talking on the TV, even when I’m talking about something that I like. I don’t feel comfortable about it at all.
“I’m going to tell the truth, and hopefully it doesn’t upset too many of them, but everyone makes mistakes and I’ve made more than the rest of them. Hopefully, I’ll like it and be OK at it and enjoy it.”
In the relative calm of the bar at the Dorchester, where McCoy is doing a series of 15-minute interview slots, it is difficult to imagine him being frightened of anything. He is also well aware that even the adrenalin rush of live television can never replace the buzz of a winner. Nothing can or will. In Anthony Wonke’s film, McCoy admits that he is addicted to winning. Though he is no longer feeding it, the addiction remains.
“You learn to live with it and accept that it isn’t coming back,” he says. “Other sports people try different challenges, but the reality of it is that it’s never as good as what they have before. It might make it easier to live with, but it’s really not replaceable, so what can you do? The only thing that really makes you happy is winning, and the disappointment is that it lasts for only a very short space of time. If you win a football match, at least it lasts until the next football match. If you’re a jockey, it doesn’t even last half an hour. That’s the thing, it’s just getting a little of something every now and then, and then you’re looking for that buzz again. Sometimes it doesn’t even last until you get back to the winner’s enclosure.
“It’s very individual, and sometimes I think football would be better if some people did take it a bit more personally. That’s why certain teams now lack the Roy Keanes, the Patrick Vieiras and Steven Gerrards of this world, because for them, it was personal. It should be about wanting to be better than the fella sat beside you, even if he’s on your team. It should be about thinking, I’m the best one of all these players.”
Football, though, is a team sport. Racing rewards driven, individual talents. One of several telling observations by Chanelle, McCoy’s wife, in Being AP is that when he was racing, McCoy “became a really selfish person”. It hints at the possibility that, once his racing days are behind him, a different McCoy might re-emerge from the 20-year fog of obsession. Has it happened?
“Most sports people are selfish,” he says. “I don’t know any successful people in any walk of life that aren’t selfish, though they won’t all admit to it. But you have to be. You can’t be engrossed in other things. It has to be about you. I’m less selfish now than I was, definitely. There’s no doubt. Chanelle has noticed the difference because I go places and I go on holiday, I do family things that I’ve never done before like going to have Sunday lunch. She’s noticed that, so hopefully it’s a good difference.
“But in some ways I felt that I needed to be selfish to drive myself, I needed my state of mind to be like that. In a lot of ways you can’t live in the outside world, you’re just in your little bubble.
“You don’t feel like you deserve to have a fun, enjoyable life, it’s not meant to be like that. I enjoyed winning, but the joy of winning is taken away very quickly because you have the fear of failure when you go home. The psychology of it is fucked up, because you go home after having three or four or five winners in a day and you think, brilliant, I’ve cracked it. And then before you go to sleep you think: what if that never happens again? What if tomorrow is not like today? And the enjoyment’s gone.”
Unlike some ex-jockeys, McCoy has not ballooned in the six months since his retirement, and will still look like the extraordinary professional sportsman he was when he lines up for Channel 4 this weekend.
“I weighed myself last week when I was away on holiday with four other jockeys,” he says, “I was the heaviest of the lot of them, which wasn’t good. Since I’ve been back I’ve been a bit more disciplined. I was 12st 2lb dressed, so that’s at least a stone-and-a-half heavier than I was. I’m not fat, but I want to be fit, so I’m going to get myself back into shape.
“I’ve never been to a big weekend meeting before that I haven’t ridden at. Cheltenham is one of those meetings that gets everybody back in jumping mode again after the Flat season. Hopefully I’ll cope with it all right. But I’m jealous of them all, that’s for sure.”
Winner: My Racing Life is published in hardback by Orion, £20, and Being AP is out in cinemas on 23 November
