Great excitement in the film world: Mr Tony has found his post-political career and it is thus - he is to be the next Tom Cruise. The proud adherence to a niche religion; the slightly psychotic grin; the shows of early promise deteriorating into mature emptiness due to a weakness for vanity, flattery and yes-men. How could we have not spotted the connection before?
And now Mr Tony has taken his Cruise alliance one step further by signing up for a movie.
Yes, we thought it was a joke, too. And even better, his co-star is to be the Bette Davis of her generation, Sienna Miller, a woman best known for - actually, I'm not entirely sure what she's best known for. Not acting, though, it's probably fair to say.
Anyway, Global Cool is Mr Tony's debut du choix. At first, we hoped it was to be a sequel to the John Candy swansong, Cool Runnings. Imagine: the Olympics are coming to town. A man realises that none of the venues are likely to be built in time, or at least for under £10billion each. So he, and a plucky little Sloane he bumps into at a party hosted by his best mate, David Tang, race against time to build various running tracks around the Clapton area and make London a place known for its Global Cool. Oscar-rama!
So imagine our and Harvey Weinstein's great disappointment when we realised it was about, yawn, global warming. Tony, showing a heretofore disguised Single White Female tendency in relation to Al Gore, is keenly taking like a duck to an oil slick to promote his upcoming arrival to the silver screen "I play a prime minister in a future world..." he intoned solemnly to Sky News on Sunday morning, the wishful thinking causing just a hint of a palpable vocal quiver. LiS is deeply hopeful there will be scenes a-plenty in which he can show off his many evenings of studying Jack Bauer's moves in 24. Less hopeful there will be any sex scenes. You're all visualising that now, aincha?
