OFFICIOUS NEBS AND FLAPPING GUMS
Peak Newcastle was achieved on Saturday 5 December 1908. That’s when the Toon, en route to their third league title in five years, having conceded a mere 13 goals in their previous 15 matches, shipped eight at home. In the second half. Against Sunderland. Final score: 1-9. Meanwhile, as that fiasco was unfolding at St James’, the reserves were taking on each other at Roker, where the latest score of the league fixture was being constantly updated on a touchline scoreboard. The fans assumed the poor bloke changing the numbers was trying to be funny, and kicked his heed in, giving him notes on his professional performance and suggesting ways he could improve going forward as they did so. Sunderland’s win remained the biggest away victory in the English top flight until Leicester ran riot at Southampton earlier this season. Peak Newcastle, ladies and gentlemen, right there, right then.
Friday 19 June 2020 isn’t likely to leave a 111-year stain in the diary. Even so, it’s not been a banner day on Tyneside, where folk have been desperate to get shot of blasé shopkeeper and casualwear industrialist Mike Ashley since 2007. It’s been looking as though everyone may finally get their wish, but with Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund this close to taking the club off Ashley’s sweaty paws, the International Trade Select Committee has stuck its officious neb in. It’s urging the government to block the deal until it ascertains who is behind beoutQ, the Saudi TV channel accused of nicking the feed of Qatar-based beIN Sports, the official Middle East rights holders of both the Premier League and the flapping gums of Richard Keys.
The Fiver hasn’t watched any of beoutQ, though we assume they only show the football and then cut away from Keys eliciting dreary contrarian takes from Andy Gray and Sam Allardyce, instead showing old episodes of Maude, or some retro bongo, that’s what we’d do if we were running the channel anyway. But we’re not. But who is?! “The UK government must now play its part in protecting our creative industry exports by investigating the launch, promotion and operation of the beoutQ service. Quite simply, if Saudi Arabia is unwilling to play by the rules of international law, then it should have no role in the future of UK sport.” The words of the ITSC, there, in a letter to trade secretary Dominic Cummings, or whichever nonentity he’s operating by string, pulley and lever.
None of this is good news for Toon fans who really, really, really want rid of the big man. And we haven’t even broached the subject of Udinese target Matty Longstaff, who is stalling over a new deal to the point that Bernard Cribbins has resorted to the old mob-rallying trick of reminding everyone that the young midfielder is “a Newcastle fan who lives in North Shields” and reporting how “fantastic” the offer is. Ah well, tomorrow will surely be a better day, as they’ve been saying in Newcastle since late 1908, with varying degrees of accuracy.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Panic is not for me” – obviously, given it’s Olivier Giroud, who chews the cud with Jacob Steinberg and reveals he’s not done with Chelsea, France or football just yet.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
There’s now an extra Football Weekly podcast each week, but here’s the latest Football Weekly Extra. And there’s a new Forgotten Stories of Football episode up on Fred Spiksley: wing wizard, film star and POW escapee. Our head hurts.
FIVER LETTERS
“To be fair to José Mourinho, he’s right. The Football Association acted against Dele Alli when others’ misdemeanours during lockdown have been completely forgotten about and they should go back and retrospectively punish them. Perhaps we could start with this guy?” – Noble Francis.
“If Dominic Raab is tin-eared (yesterday’s Fiver), and potentially to have more free time on his hands due to his ill-judged and tasteless remarks, how soon can we expect him to join the team at Fiver Towers?” – Brendan Donnelly.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Noble Francis.
BITS AND BOBS
Jürgen Klopp has given his support to the Black Lives Matter movement. “If football is a role model for anything in life, it is equality,” said the Liverpool boss. “Everybody is the same, that’s how it should be everywhere. Judge people only on who they are, nothing else. It’s so dumb not to do it like this.”
Leroy Sané’s days at Manchester City are numbered. “Leroy has rejected to extend his contract,” sniffed Pep Guardiola. “If at the end of the season two clubs agree [a deal] he can leave, if not he will leave at the end of his contract.”
Mikel Arteta is not going to bundle David Luiz into his car and drop him off at the nearest recycling centre just yet. “We need to be fair on him,” soothed the Arsenal manager, who may just not have been able to book an appointment, like The Fiver. “I am going to defend him with everything I have because I believe in him.”
Pint-sized, out-of-contract Ryan Fraser will be scurrying up the Bournemouth wing no longer. At least not in a Bournemouth shirt. “This isn’t the end that we wanted for him,” sighed Eddie Howe. “I would prefer to focus on the players I do have available.”
Liverpool forward Kirsty Linnett wants to “put the club back where it belongs” after signing a new deal in the wake of their WSL relegation.
And Union Jack Grealish reckons playing in front of an empty Villa Park was a bit bobbins. “It’s weird … like a non-competitive game,” he tooted. “You try not to think like that because you are fighting for points. But it is hard, if I am honest.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Barrow are back in the Football League, baby and it’s all thanks to miracle man Ian Evatt, reports Louise Taylor.
Italy’s top soap opera returns this weekend with Juve and Lazio in leading roles. It’s Nicky Bandini on Serie A.
Disliker of heights Sid Lowe was cruelly sent up a tower block at Eibar, where the best seats are in the house.
“It’s not as big a beast as Liverpool – but it’s a real challenge. In a season you’ve probably got 50 games or so, week-in, week-out.” Lewis Holtby tells Ben Fisher why getting spanked 6-0 in a friendly was actually good for Blackeye Rovers. And here’s Ben with the lowdown on what’s at stake as the Championship roars back.
The return of Premier League football to the BBC reminded Steven Pye of the 1980s [shock! – Fiver Ed], when their coverage of the English top flight was often great fun, particularly when it was cut short by Wogan.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
