BARTON: THINK
Five days after the Old Firm derby, Joey Barton finally got stuck in. Only verbally, of course, because these days the midfielder is more Piers Morgan than playmaker but, in fairness, his shock-jocking appears to have been quite punchy because after hearing what he had to say, his own club, Scottish Premier League newcomers The Pope’s Newc O’Rangers, sent him off their premises with orders not to return till Monday. Now, to copy and paste from previous editions, Barton feels hard done by.
It seems O’Rangers took issue with sentiments expressed by Barton during a training-ground tête-à-tête-à-tête with team-mate Andy Halliday and manager Mark Warbuton. There are rumours that Philippe Senderos tried to contribute to the conversation but fell over while opening his mouth. So far, however, the club hasn’t given any details behind the decision to banish Barton so we can only speculate as to why anyone wouldn’t want to hear the thoughts of a 34-year-old who recently lost a battle of wits with Scott Brown.
While O’Rangers declined to comment, Barton was happy as ever to hold forth. First he took to social media disgrace Twitter to explain that there had been a “full and frank discussion” among O’Rangers staff about the reasons for their destruction by The Queen’s Celtic. “As someone who communicates directly, I accept that some of the things I said were inappropriate and for that I apologise unreservedly,” confessed Barton before adding: “I cannot, however, apologise for caring deeply about winning.”
Then Barton went on TalkSPORT to explain that “there are a lot of misconceptions out there at the moment,” including, the one that Barton himself put out about him having something to apologise unreservedly for. “I don’t believe I’ve done anything to apologise for,” he replied when asked whether he intended saying sorry to his manager. “It’s the tone of the language I’ve used [that was the problem]. The way it’s been handled has been strange, it does look like something more has happened and that’s why I’ve decided to get on the radio and speak.” Someone sure is making life difficult for a player who thought the Scottish league would be a doddle.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The results that we’ve had have kind of spoilt my two weeks, but I’m sure they’ve gone some way to spoiling his two weeks. I’m sure he’s lying on a beach listening to the football match and his beer doesn’t taste quite as nice as it would if we were winning” – St Neots Town chairman Lee Kearns discusses the Southern Premier Division team’s manager Andy Davies jetting off for a long-booked holiday to Jamaica during the season.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: God playing up front for Barça (yesterday’s Fiver letters). If one were to worship a deity other than God himself, would said deity be considered a False 9?” – John Armstrong.
“£5 a pint at a Big Cup game (Chris Jones yesterday’s letters) – that’s outrageous. I thought Uefa banned alcohol in grounds for their games. At least that’s what West Ham told us before our pre-season-friendly-win-if-you-want-to-be-in-Big-Vase matches, which led to a half-empty stadium for the first 15 minutes of each game, while everyone necked their £6 craft beers in Westfield. I searched the linked document for ‘alcohol’, ‘beer’, and ‘overpriced watered-down bottles of fizz which, once the kiosk guy has dropped the bottle, shaken it and taken the lid off, will be half-empty by the time you get it’ but couldn’t find any mention. Can any pedants point me at the relevant article/document in time for our August Big Vase exit next year (that Fair Play route looks the best bet again)” – Ian Sargeant.
“I feel Chris’s pain but it’s only fair to ask if the biggest doughnut wasn’t, in fact, the one who willingly shelled out £6 for three of the life-shortening, deep-fried treats? You could get wholesale quantities for that price in the supermarket and slump into a coma well before Spurs gift their next opponents a two-goal lead” – Jonathan Westwood.
“I know The Fiver is supposed to be ironic and world-weary and all that but … Big Vase is fantastic! Manchester United beaten by teams you can’t pronounce, much less spell, two years on the bounce. More schadenfreude than you can shake a stick at and a first look at the players the Premier League will blow all their money on in January. Plus teams from countries in Europe that you can’t place on a map scoring amazing goals against teams you’ve kind of heard of. Big Vase makes me smile, cheer, gasp and completely forget about how lousy my life is. What else is football supposed to do? Yours from a beach in Hawaii. Yes, really” – Joe Mercer.
“I’m thinking of relocating to South Korea and won’t know anyone who I can watch the football with. Any chance of Big Website starting up Seoul Mates?” – Ade Collins.
“While there is something fundamentally incongruous about using The Fiver as a mechanism to garner ‘good journalism’ cash for Big Paper, I am contemplating making a ‘recurring contribution’, in remembrance of how The Fiver makes a ‘recurring contribution’ to making my day worse every single tea-time” – Sam Crocker.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. We have one more prize to give away this week, in the shape of Carrie Dunn’s excellent The Roar of the Lionesses, courtesy of the kind people at Pitch Publishing. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Ade Collins. Do send us your details, Ade.
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BITS AND BOBS
Maths whizz Dirk Kuyt won’t be forgetting Feyenoord’s 1-0 win over Manchester United any time soon. “Beforehand I said to the boys, ‘If we go all out and they play five per cent less then we can win’,” he chortled. José Mourinho isn’t feeling so chipper, mind. “When you lose matches, there are no miracles in terms of the players’ soul,” he sighed. “You win matches, people are happy and full of confidence. You lose matches and people are sad and feel it.”
Fifa head honcho Gianni Infantino has dismissed any suggestion that he lobbied in favour of Aleksander Ceferin for his election as Uefa big cheese. “Mr Ceferin has said it as well, this is imagination and lies and I think the result speaks for itself,” he cheered. “It’s an insult to the intelligence of the 55 associations who go and vote.”
Joe Hart claims his debut clanger for Torino is already forgotten. “I’m studying Italian, I’m learning some important words to communicate with my team,” he trilled.
Atlético Madrid’s manager Diego Simeone has confirmed that his contract is now due to end in 2018, two years earlier than originally planned, but insisted “it doesn’t alter the possibility of renewing terms again once the new arrangement ends”. Hmm …
Crystal Palace defender Pape Souaré has a broken thigh from his motorway car crash earlier this week and could be out of action for six months. “It was a terrible accident and we have a huge debt to the air ambulance and the terrific surgeons he’s had,” said Alan Pardew.
Stoke City have grudgingly accepted Mark Hughes’ wrap over the knuckles from the FA for losing his rag in Saturday’s defeat by Tottenham. “Stoke City does however have concerns in relation to a number of elements surrounding both the decision to dismiss Mark from the technical area and the events that followed that led to the subsequent charge being brought,” parped a club suit.
Jürgen Klopp reckons Liverpool’s attack was nigh-on impossible to improve over the summer. That’s the same attack bolstered by £30m man Sadio Mané. “It’s really difficult to find available strikers who are better than ours. But it’s not about having the best, it’s about doing the best,” he parped.
And here’s what happened when $tevie Mbe and an unidentified fan played a game against 30 kids in LA.
STILL WANT MORE?
“I had dark days but now feel I can be better than before,” says Hull’s Robert Snodgrass in an enjoyable chinwag with Louise Taylor.
Harry Kane and the benefits of occasionally standing still. By Barney Ronay.
Friday night fun with Chelsea and Liverpool, the pressure swirling around Mark Hughes, Spurs feeling properly at home again – these and others are among the 10 things to look forward to in the Premier League this weekend.
Of the 18,494 Chelsea players out on loan, none are shining as brightly as Tammy Abraham at Bristol City. Ben Fisher meets him.
Euro 2016’s Moussa Sissoko explains how the lure of Big Cup helped underpin his decision to snub Everton and join Tottenham instead.
Think Stoke City are struggling now? You want to hear about their 1984-85 season. Wait, come back, yells Steven Pye.
This week’s Joy of Six is on unusual sports and is good.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
