A fan of the latest Lord of the Rings spin-off has explained why the show’s “diversity and inclusion” stopped at characters with disabilities.
“Middle Earth has no wheelchair ramps,” she said. “In fantasy worlds where everything is possible, guide dogs cost extra.”
A politically correct executive said: “We turned down actors with conditions such as cerebral palsy, fibromyalgia, osteo imperfecta, quadriplegia and multiple sclerosis because diversity works best for the able-bodied.”
Former Lord of the Rings stars Elijah Wood and Billy Boyd have defended the “diverse” cast of The Rings Of Power That Aren’t Powerful Enough To Create Accessible Bathrooms.
The actors wore shirts featuring Hobbit ears in varying skin tones.
None of the ears were deaf.
MEDIA REPORT: UK PM WEARs BLOUSE, NAVY JACKET AND PANTS
The world’s media could not wait to describe what Britain’s new Prime Minister Liz Truss is wearing, as if it makes a difference. As if it’s news.
Oddly, the media didn’t mention what outgoing PM Boris Johnson was wearing, despite it being an attractive gabardine angora three-piece suit with fetching mother-of-pearl cufflinks.
In less important news, Liz Truss has hit the ground running (despite the risk of tripping over her fists).
Truss promised to “ditch the fracking ban”. Or, to put it more politely, “ditch the ban”.
She endorsed more North Sea drilling, presumably to dig small holes into which rising sea levels can drain.
MILITARY SPENDING TO RISE FROM WOEFULLY INADEQUATE TO AWFULLY INADEQUATE
The Albanese Government has confirmed the Federal Budget will be handed down on October 25th, or nearest offer.
Defence spending will be maintained at two per cent of GDP – after expenses.
Albanese means business. He shouted almost audibly: “We will fight them on the beaches… but only between the flags.”
The Chinese military are shaking in their boots. Too much laughter will do that.
SCIENTISTS CREATE CYBORG COCKROACHES AS IF IT’LL WORK OUT FINE
Scientists in Japan have created cyborg cockroaches to enter hazardous areas and discover once and for all “What could go wrong?”
In other news…
PRINCE CHARLES BECOMES THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL LIFELONG UNEMPLOYED MAN
MAN BUYS JETSTAR TICKET IN THE BELIEF A PLANE WILL TAKE HIM AND HIS LUGGAGE TO DESTINATION
CONSERVATIVE WANTS THE VOICE TO PARLIAMENT TO INCLUDE THREE SPINNING ARMCHAIRS
MORRISON TO ATTEND QUEEN’S FUNERAL AS GOVERNOR-GENERAL
GERRY HARVEY PLEADS FOR MORE STAFF, MOSTLY TO GUARD JOBKEEPER MONEY