Chelsea, expensively assembled, West London living, multitude of international talent Chelsea, lost last night. At home. To Ged's lot. Word has it that Claudio Ranieri spent 40 minutes speaking t... being spoken to by Roman Abramovich after the game, the office trembling as it struggled to contain the deluge of Soviet-accented expletives being thrown at the wee Tinkerman.
That vociferous, spittle-flecked rant is not only being linked with the sudden eardrum perforations suffered by several hundred dogs in the Kensington area, but with a characteristic flurry of potential new debit transactions.
Santos have been shouting from the rooftops that 604800000 roubles (about £12.6m, since you have to ask) have been promised to them should Brazilian defender Lucio arrive at Stamford Bridge neatly packaged in time for February.
The links between Chelsea and Real Madrid chubster Ronaldo have been renewed too, after it was revealed that the striker was on his way to watch last night's match when Florentino Perez caught wind of it and summoned him back immediately. The day trip would perhaps have been less damning, had the porky poacher not been spotted with Claude Makelele's agent Marc Rogers. That's the agent of Claude Makelele, former Real Madrid player, current Chelsea player. Hmmm.
And there's now talk of Chelsea reeling in Paul Robinson from Leeds for £2.5m, which aside from making no sense, whatsoever, on any level, will also see Neil Sullivan once again shunted on as part of the deal.
Shortly after Ged declared that the suggestion that Liverpool had a pre-contract agreement Auxerre striker Djibril Cisse was preposterous, he will have been wishing they'd worked a bit more on their story. Cisse today told Houllier "I won't let you down [dig in ribs] if you sign me, maybe, perhaps, maybe?"
Charlton are hoping to sign Sunderland defender Michael Gray, but he'll have to take a pay cut if he wants Premiership football - he's currently draining the Black Cats of £28,000 per week.
Burnley's Turf Moor has recently been playing host to men in large overcoats with clipboards from Southampton, Wolves and Portsmouth, all of whom are said to be interested in midfielder Richard Caplow.
Manchester City's goalkeeping prayers could be answered in a Scottish accent, with Hearts' Craig Gordon looking favourite to replace David Seaman.
Reports linking Mark van Bommel with a move away from PSV in the direction of Spurs have been renewed, while brother of double-strike hero (!) Stephane Dalmat, Wilfried, is attracting interest from Serie A side Lecce.
Former Spurs "star" Oyvind Leonhardsen is training with Portsmouth in the hope of reviving his career after being dumped by Aston Villa.
Portsmouth will have anybody's sloppy seconds by the look of it. After his trial at Wolves, Carlos Ruiz is now trying to earn a contract from Harry Redknapp.
Bobby Robson has been taking lessons in Pleasing and Placating Your Players. He today confirmed that he would welcome bids for Nolberto Solano. With the £3m price tag ruling out main contenders Aston Villa, Bobby and Nobby could be facing some relationship issues over the coming months.
Chris Coleman is said to be watching £5m rated Ricardo Fuller, but then so are Leeds, Manchester City, Middlesbrough and Everton.
In other lands, Espanyol apparently think Mario Jardel, currently residing in the Bolton Wanderers canteen, would be a great little addition to their firing line. Crazy fools.
On the managerial front, Gary Mills is first in line to take over at Notts County.
And, Paul Jewell Spendthrift Watch, Day 48: Reports of a £750,000 bid for Reading striker Nicky Forster.
