Every Thursday morning the tabloids ruin the Mill's day by revealing who was fired on last night's episode of The Apprentice before we've had the opportunity to watch it on our trendy set-top box recording device. We won't spoil it for you too, but let's just say this, in another shock move Sir Alan has kept in all the most abhorrent/TV-friendly characters in favour of those that are actually good at the whole business thing.
Thankfully, the tabs also give whilst taking away, providing more than enough money-driven squabbling, desperate characters and job insecurity in the football gossip columns to make The Apprentice seem as cosy as an episode of Heartbeat. First to get caught in a screaming row over purchasing techniques today are those north London chums Arsenal and Tottenham, who both want PSV Eindhoven goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes and will undoubtedly spend their summers bickering over him.
Meanwhile, Madrid want to shore up their backline and they think Ricardo Carvalho is the man for the job. They will get him too, unless Barcelona get rid of Frank Rijkaard, replace him with Jose Mourinho and then ask him if he wants Carvalho at the Camp Nou. Sorry, but that speculation might even be too tenuous for us. We'd much rather just hear that Mark Schwarzer is in talks with Bayern Munich and Newcastle are closing in on £12m-rated Croatian midfielder Luka Modric from Dinamo Zagreb and be done with it. That's the kind of straight talking that Sir Alan has built a multi-million pound business in whatever it is he does on.
Apparently the credit-crunch isn't affecting El Hadji-Diouf's value, which continues to rocket at the rate of about £500,000-a-second. For example, in the time takes to read from the Mirror's headline Diouf is £4m Valencia target to their opening sentence Valencia have lined up a £5m bid for El Hadji-Diouf, it has already risen by 25%. If Gary Megson wants to impress Sir Alan he should hold out until at least lunchtime when Diouf will be worth around £300m.
And, like any good episode of The Apprentice, we finish with tense boardroom meetings. At Anfield Tom Hicks and Rafa Benitez met up to talk about future transfer policy with it all looking very rosy, thank you very much, according to the American. That joy might stem from the fact that they are about to take Gareth Barry from Aston Villa, that is if Martin O'Neill doesn't convince his bosses to smash their wage-structure to keep his captain in his own boardroom showdown. It might well be too late for that though.
