Rugby league: Widnes Vikings v Wigan Warriors
7pm, Sky Sports 2
The Super League season-opener from Widnes’s evocatively named Select Security Stadium. It’s hard to be too keen on the home team’s chances: the Vikings finished last season in mid-table no-man’s land, while the Warriors looked likely champs until half-time in the grand final, before eventually being overwhelmed by St Helens. One player hoping to make a good impression will be Widnes prop Gil Dudson, who joined from Wigan in the off-season. Andrew Mueller
Eat Well for Less?
8pm, BBC1
The Warners from Stratford-upon-Avon spend £350 a week on food for themselves and their four children; can MasterChef’s Gregg Wallace and greengrocer Chris Bavin quell the family’s taste for premium granola, pricey pizzas and marinated chicken? As well as substituting their middle-England faves for some mystery alternatives, Gregg teaches mum Hannah that there’s more to cooking than piercing film lids. Dietician Lucy Jones is also on hand with some shocking sugar stats that might have you binning your pasta sauce. Hannah J Davies
The Great British Sewing Bee
8pm, BBC2
Claudia Winkleman presents a new series of the stitching and darting stress-a-thon. Ten amateur stitchers prepare for clothy battle and face three new garment challenges each week. Patrick Grant (Savile Row) and May Martin (WI) are tasked with judging their efforts. First up, a pair of women’s trousers. Matt the maverick IT consultant from Berkshire doesn’t even use pins to attach the pattern to the fabric – he uses stones, if you please. Will his wonky slacks end up in the bin in a Bake Off-style fit of pique? Julia Raeside
Modern Times: Warwick Davis’s Big Night
9pm, BBC2
“Listen, I want to put this thing on Broadway. No, I don’t want to go to Stevenage.” So says a determined Warwick Davis over the phone in this documentary that follows his attempts to set up the Reduced Height Theatre Company and stage a play entirely cast with actors normally restricted to pantomime roles. While Davis’s chosen production may be a literal farce – a period caper called See How They Run – this touching and inspiring film is anything but. Ali Catterall
Car Crash Britain
9pm, ITV
Nothing says classy programming quite like a show that sources car accident footage from head/dashboard cameras, but that’s where we are with this ITV two-parter. In truth, it’s hard to know what to call it: documentary? Investigation? Or should we just tell it like it is and say “something they found on YouTube”? Whatever, the show presents bad smashes and near-misses alongside interviews with eyewitnesses and those caught up in the accidents themselves. I think we can all feel very proud of ourselves. John Robinson
Cucumber
9pm, Channel 4
After last week’s disastrous makeup session, it looks as if Henry has now officially broken bad, and so Lance is circling his buff scuba-diving workmate Daniel like an excitable spaniel. Daniel, however, appears to be pinballing from curiosity to thundering homophobia with each line of dialogue. This week, we also get more flesh on Freddie, so to speak, after he bumps into his former teacher, a married man with whom he had a tempestuous relationship while still at school. It’s patently not going to end well for anyone. Ben Arnold
The Keith Lemon Sketch Show
10pm, ITV2
With Britain seemingly under a collective delusion that Keith Lemon is an actual person (at least if polling for Heat’s weird crush of the year is anything to go by), it’s time for Leigh Francis to go find/replace-crazy on old Bo’ Selecta! scripts. Where once the nation was cooing at the antics of “Craig David”, “Mel B” and “Michael Jackson”, steel yourself for the likes of “Ed Sheeran”, “Kim Kardashian” and “Harry Styles” all doing pretty much the same joke. Proper bo? Proper boring, more like. Mark Jones
The Comeback
10pm, Sky Atlantic
Ten years after series one and its cancellation, this HBO comedy returns for a second run. Lisa Kudrow stars as Valerie Cherish, an ageing, brittle ex-sitcom lead trying to put together her own “reality” show, destined to be heavily edited by the image-conscious star. This may be the most meta series on television, what with Kudrow’s own pedigree and the twists and turns of this opening episode. Tonight, Valerie discovers that an old antagonist has written a sitcom based on her and takes drastic action in response. David Stubbs
