Thursday news quiz: Joke candidates, blind injustice and Paul McCartney

Screaming Lord Sutch, the former leader of Britain’s Official Monster Raving Loony party. Photograph: Dylan Martinez/REUTERS

Brenda from Bristol entered the history books when she uttered the immortal words “You’re joking! Not another one” about the prospect of a general election. The Thursday quiz feels much the same when it looks at the calendar and notes that yet another week features a Thursday, and it needs to rouse itself to write something. Fifteen questions on topical news, general knowledge and popular culture await. There are no prizes, but let us know how you got on in the comments. Allons-y!

The Thursday news quiz, No 255

1. 

   The last woman to be hanged in UK (pictured) has been granted a conditional pardon. What is her name?

   1. Sarah Wildes

   2. Ruth Ellis

   3. Mary Critchett

   4. Rebecca Smith

2. 

   Which joke candidate appears to be the most likely challenger to Nigel Farage in the Clacton by-election after most major parties proposed boycotting it?

   1. Elmo

   2. Count Binface

   3. Mr Fish Finger

   4. Liz Truss

3. 

   A blind woman felt compelled to leave a Hartlepool Wetherspoon pub (not pictured, that is the quiz master pouring a lovely pint in The Boot in St Albans) after staff did what?

   1. Stole and hid her white cane

   2. Refused to serve her because they claimed she was 'stumbling' and drunk

   3. Demanded her guide dog produce ID

   4. Asked her to move from the bar as her cane was causing a trip hazard

4. 

   Which Beatles song that he rarely performs did Paul McCartney apparently play at Taylor Swift's wedding reception?

   1. I Saw Her Standing There

   2. P.S. I Love You

   3. I Want to Hold Your Hand

   4. Octopus's Garden

5. 

   Parents in Merseyside were horrified and exclaimed 'Ooh matron!', probably, after it turned out pages of erotic literature had been used to make what that was being given out to children?

   1. Paper badgers

   2. Paper hedgehogs

   3. Paper snails

   4. Paper very naughty miniature dachshunds

6. 

   A leading vendor of what has withdrawn from the Great American State Fair in Washington DC after North Carolina’s booth displayed a video containing a Confederate flag?

   1. The Mt Olive Pickle Company

   2. Lance Inc Sandwich Crackers

   3. The Carolina Beverage Corporation's Cheerwine

   4. Horrible Processed Cheese Inc

7. 

   Sacha Baron Cohen has wrapped production on a new movie featuring which of his characters?

   1. Borat Sagdiyev

   2. Nestor Alembick

   3. Brüno Gehard

   4. Ali G

8. 

   A fishing village by Lake Como has imposed fines of up to €200 for people who do what?

   1. Wander around with bare chests or in swimwear

   2. Walk their dogs when the temperature is over 26C

   3. Feed local swans and ducks pieces of pizza or bread

   4. Summon the Great Old Ones

9. 

   This week's guest canine is Daphne, who is a little nervous and maybe a bit confuzzled. She wants to know where this year's Tour de France started. Tell her …

   1. Milan

   2. Barcelona

   3. Brussels

   4. Klow

10. 

    On the tiles with Simone Biles. If you were playing Scrabble with one of the most decorated gymnasts in history, and she went to play RONALD, how much would that score (assuming you would let her play a proper noun and it wasn't put on any special squares)?

    1. 7

    2. 8

    3. 9

    4. 10

11. 

    Who released a surprise new track called Morning Dew (Donk) over the 4th July weekend?

    1. Charli xcx

    2. Katy Perry

    3. Beyoncé

    4. Kate Bush

12. 

    Unable to raise the £750,000 needed for urgent repairs, St Wilfrid’s church in the town of Melling, Lancashire, looked likely to shut its doors after more than 700 years, until someone left what at the altar?

    1. A box with nine gold Britannia coins worth nearly £30,000

    2. A sketch by L S Lowry worth nearly £30,000

    3. A rare first edition of The Hobbit by J R R Tolkien worth nearly £30,000

    4. 30-50 feral hogs worth nearly £30,000

13. 

    The Thursday quiz fondly remembers Keith Chegwin, so here is Cheggers plays population! According to the 2026 CIA World Factbook, which of these has the largest population? Croatia, Serbia, Slovakia or Albania

    1. Croatia

    2. Serbia

    3. Slovakia

    4. Albania

14. 

    On this day with Brian May! And his badger! 9 July is the anniversary of the very first lawn tennis championship starting at Wimbledon. The Thursday quiz imagines Queen's legendary guitarist wants you to tell him – and his badger – in which year?

    1. 1837

    2. 1857

    3. 1877

    4. 1897

15. 

    And finally … which England player (not pictured) managed to pick up a yellow card, then bafflingly injure themselves and end up in hospital despite not actually playing in the team's epic victory over Mexico at the World Cup on Sunday night/Monday morning?

    1. Jordan Henderson

    2. James Trafford

    3. Trevoh Chalobah

    4. Kobbie Mainoo

Solutions

1:B - The pardon reflects the fact that, had the case been heard today, it is possible partial defences of loss of control or diminished responsibility could have been put before a jury due to her experiences of domestic abuse, 2:B - His manifesto includes restoring Ceefax, a price-cap for croissants, building at least one affordable house and rename HS2 to FFS1. That is Count Binface's manifesto, to be clear, not Nigel Farage's. , 3:C - Joanne Hewitson said of her dog Rosie 'I don’t feel like I have a dog with me. She is my eyes. We come as a package deal, she is like an extension of me'. Wetherspoon has apologised for the incident, 4:C - The Beatles last performed the song in September 1964 at the Paramount theatre in New York. McCartney is not believed to have performed it in public since. Imagine just being able to call up Macca to do a couple of numbers at your wedding, eh?, 5:B - Apparently it was all a huge misunderstanding. The Thursday quiz misses hedgehogs, 6:A - They said 'Our company stands on values of human dignity, opportunity, and freedom' and objected to the flag appearing in a video displayed by vehicle manufacturer Spevco, 7:D - Booyakasha!, 8:A - Walking around the village shirtless or in swimwear – garments that are strictly reserved for lakeside beaches or boat trips on Como – is now banned, 9:B - Notably, Barcelona is not in France, which perhaps explains Daphne's confuzzlement, 10:A - All of the tiles are worth one, except the D which is worth two, 11:C - Reports say the track was initially intended for her second album, B’Day, released in 2006, 12:A - 'We just burst into tears when we saw it,' the Rev Jane Lee said. Produced by the Royal Mint in 1999, the nine coins had an original face value of £100, 13:B - Serbia is the largest at 6.6 million. Slovakia has a population of 5.5 million, Croatia 4.1 million and Albania 2.5 million, 14:C - It was won by Spencer Gore and retrospectively is considered the first tennis 'major' competition, 15:A - He slipped and fell during the team's celebrations and ouch the video of him breaking his arm is horrible

Scores

1. 0 and above.

   We hope you had fun – let us know how you got on in the comments!

If you really do think there has been an egregious error in one of the questions or answers – and can show your working and are absolutely 100% positive you aren’t attempting to factcheck a joke – you can complain about it in the comments below. Or why not watch I’m Not Crazy by Grace Cummings instead?

I’m Not Crazy by Grace Cummings