The Absolutely Fabulous movie might be brilliant. Given the general state of the world at the moment, the sight of two ungracious old codgers wobbling around anarchically on a screen for an hour and a half might be exactly what everyone needs.
Then again, however, it has history working hard against it. Movie adaptations of beloved sitcoms are a notorious minefield, full of tics and quirks that tend to kill the whole enterprise dead. So here are the three main crimes that Absolutely Fabulous will have to avoid if it wants to succeed, even though it has already been written and shot and edited and it comes out on Friday. You’re welcome, Ab Fab! Hope this helps!
Crime one: go on holiday
Nothing kills a movie adaptation of a TV show like a holiday. Your characters have spent years weaving themselves into the fabric of a specific location, so sending them all elsewhere at the first sniff of a movie is a ridiculously silly move. Are You Being Served? tried it. The Likely Lads tried it. Mr Bean tried it. On the Buses tried it. Kevin and Perry tried it. Sex and the City even tried it, for crying out loud, and all we got out of that mess was the phrase “Lawrence of my labia”. Every time, it has ended in a miserable fish-out-of-water storyline so overused that to even hint at it feels like monumental laziness. If the Absolutely Fabulous film sends Eddy or Patsy anywhere near an airport, it’s time to panic.
Likelihood: a certainty. The entire last half of the trailer is set in the south of France. This isn’t a good sign at all.
Crime two: too many cameos
Celebrity cameos are what comedy writers use when they’ve run out of jokes. And while they can initially be distracting enough to paper over cracks in the script, they invariably end up sucking the entire project into a self-indulgent morass from which it can never escape. The Entourage movie is a case in point here, as is every low-rent British sitcom movie that features an awkward, winking appearance by Richard Branson, usually on one of his own planes, heading wherever the characters are going to on holiday.
Likelihood: inevitable. The Ab Fab movie, sadly, is cameo city. The trailer alone features Kate Moss, Jon Hamm, Stella McCartney, Emma Bunton, Brienne of Tarth, Sophie Raworth and, perhaps most impressively of all, the guy who does the TV reviews on GMTV. However, cameos have always been a part of Ab Fab, so this might not be as terminal as it looks.
Crime three: over-merchandising
If Sex and the City proved anything, it’s that marketing departments will chuck your film’s logo at any old gendered crap if they think it’ll sell stuff. You could buy SATC booze and shoes and pants and computers and cars at one point, and it all became so suffocating that you ended up being sick of the film before you’d even seen it. Fortunately, most British shows aren’t big enough to warrant this sort of behaviour, which is why you were never able to buy official Bad Education: The Movie underwear.
Likelihood: low. A quick Google search suggests that Ab Fab has managed to swerve this one. In fact, the only Ab Fab merchandise available comes in the form of some pretty gruesome-looking fan art that you’d only put up in your house if you hated nice things and life. Finally, a success! Maybe the Ab Fab movie will be worth watching after all! Now, we just need a firm assurance that Richard Branson was banned from set and we’re ready to go.
