This has been a short election campaign, but it feels like it’s been an eternity, does it not? It has, all in all, been pretty depressing. We’ve had personal attacks, press-smears, tragic events in Manchester and London Bridge, and a general sense of fatigue at all the campaigning and the stump speeches and the debates and oh, it’s been a lot.
But it’s not been all bad. So while we wait for the electorate to turn out, before we can get down to exit polls and swing-o-meters, here are a few choice moments from #GE2017, whether they’re out-and-out hilarious, too cringeworthy for words or a member of the public skewering a candidate.
This Theresa May Q&A
All I can tell you is this is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen, and I say this as a Liverpool fan who witnessed the Gerrard slip of 2014. I can’t pick what is worse – the typical gurning; the stiff laugh, the entirely irrelevant point, the “joke” met with tumbleweed bigger than Marge Simpson’s barnet. Shudder.
THE ABSOLUTE STATE OF THIS. I am screeching. pic.twitter.com/4NdDBPHmMN
— HannahJane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 31, 2017
Brenda
Brenda from Bristol. She spoke for us all. She spoke for us on the very day the election was announced and to my mind she remains the most astute commentator throughout. Here’s what she had to say:
Greg Knight’s campaign video
I didn’t think anything could top the (wisely suppressed) 2015 Liberal Democrats campaign video of Nick Clegg singing along to Carly Rae Jepsen, but then Greg Knight came along. Unfortunately, the Tory candidate actually released his campaign video, which looks a bit like an out-take from the original series of The Office. The best bit is the rhyming jingle at the end. Volume up for this one:
Naughty things
In another excruciating question and answer session, May was asked what the naughtiest thing she’d ever done was. Her answer: “I have to confess” – was run through a wheat field. What kind of an answer is that? Of all the answers in the world? I’ve thought about it, and I can’t come up with a more obscure, banal answer. As one wit noted, are crop circles just Theresa May doing U-turns in fields of wheat? The SNP’s Alex Salmond had a wonderful response:
Tempted to be naughty. #fieldsofwheat pic.twitter.com/C6DRmikEWd
— Alex Salmond (@AlexSalmond) June 7, 2017
A cheeky Corbyn fan then took it upon himself to ask the Labour leader the same question, which was answered in an entirely different style. The absolute #lad #banter of this clip is just incredible. Would recommend:
Me: What's the naughtiest thing you've ever done
— Sadaqat (@sadcat786) June 7, 2017
Corbyn: Thats far too naughty to talk about #VoteCorbyn pic.twitter.com/sUNyIbcSh3
Cats
Larry, civil servant and Chief Mouser at No 10, has been a steadfast source of joy in British politics for some time now. He’s more visible than his Foreign Office colleague Palmerston. He even has his own Twitter account. What I love most is his insouciance. The prime minister will be giving a live speech on matters of national importance and he’ll just be chilling on the front door steps, ignoring her, not giving half a damn, as in the photograph below.
Corbyn also spoke about his own cat, El Gato (the Spanish word for cat), and said the moggy has “socialist tendencies”. However, I can reveal that a year ago Corbyn was quoted as saying he worried El Gato was a Tory. Politicians; always flip-flopping. (To be fair, Corbyn said he and his wife have been “discussing [the cat’s] politics for a while”).
PS: A quick shout out to Julian Assange’s adorable tie-wearing cat (two different ties), who deserves a fish supper every night for having to share living quarters with Assange.
‘Bollocks’
Potentially the word of the campaign. First uttered expertly in a faux-whisper by Emily Thornberry on the Andrew Marr show in response to Michael Fallon being Michael Fallon. The “bollocks” mantle was then picked up by Question Time audience member, Mark Wilson, in response to Theresa May’s
wrong
DUBIOUS AS HELL assertion that the Tories are spending more and more money on the NHS. Wilson repeated it for emphasis, and then wrote about his intervention for the Guardian.
Hahaha that man mouthing bollocks at May speaking on the #NHS. 👌👌 #BattleForNumber10 pic.twitter.com/7W4VgxSGWV
— HannahJane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 29, 2017
Finally, we had May telling us all she had “the balls” to call an election. Which I am not even going to comment on.
With a bump
Never mind the bollocks, what about arses? As in Len McCluskey falling on his? The newly re-elected Unite leader ended bottoms up on a set of steps and, of course, also landed on front pages. I think he styled it out in good humour though.
This doesn’t come close, however, to my favourite UK politics physical mishap, which was when then culture secretary Jeremy Hunt almost decapitated someone while ringing a bell.
Politicians tripping up
This time not literally, but on knowing their figures and facts. In excruciating scenes, Andrew Mitchell (he of Plebgate), apparently has zero idea what the minimum wage is; Corbyn couldn’t remember the facts of the childcare policy he was announcing; Diane Abbott had a nightmare interview on police figures; and Theresa May – the prime minister – had to have her own foreign aid policy explained to her by a member of the public.
The angry white male warmongers
Speaking of BBC Question Time, who could forget the bloodlust of a group of audience members who basically just started yelling about bombs and nukes and getting redder and redder in the face over Labour’s Trident policy? Whether you are for or against a nuclear deterrent, the zest for annihilation from this coterie was quite something.
9 Angry White Men: a new film from Daily Heil Pictures. Screenplay by Richard Littlejohn. Produced by Paul Dacre. Directed by Satan. #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/X0yKBCO0HT
— Daniel Blake's Vest (@WarmongerHodges) June 3, 2017
Politicians not being able to eat food in a normal way
HOW? How do they get this so wrong? In the past, we have had Ed Miliband’s infamous Bacongate (less infamous than David Cameron’s Bacongate, but never mind that); Zac Goldsmith supping a pint; and George Osborne eyeing a builder’s brew with utmost suspicion. In 2017, we had the pleasure of seeing Theresa May eat a single chip as though it was laced with cyanide (with an excellent Twitter response from Miliband) and being roundly booed at a butcher’s stall.
Tim Farron’s attempts at comedy
Tim Farron, eager to get away from the gay sex question that hounded him, reinvented himself as a harmless, mainstream comedian. He met the fact a man called Mr Fish Finger would run against him (that’s true) with a pun about sources/sauces, and he ended his debate performance with a zinger advising viewers to make a cuppa instead of listening to the Tories. Personally, my favourite thing about Farron is the 80s band he used to be in and his taste for DJ Shadow.
#libdem leader Tim Farron reacts to the news a fish finger will challenge him for his Westmorland and Lonsdale seat at the election @PA pic.twitter.com/9BdvwdCDFo
— Rich McCarthy (@VJRichMcCarthy) April 21, 2017
Surprising celebrity endorsements
Lily Allen, Charlotte Church, Gary Lineker – all well known lefties who often engage in activism. Danny Devito endorsing Corbyn? Bit more of a surprise. Mark Ruffalo and Lena Dunham are fellow across-the-pond celebs who have come out as Corbynites. Any minute now, Susan Sarandon’s gonna play to type and come crashing in to support the Greens. I can’t think of any Tory star names – but who can remember the seminal role true-blue Gary Barlow played in the 2015 election campaign?
U.K. You've got the guy. Register by May 22nd. Vote for Jeremy Corbyn...show us how it's done!#grime4corbyn
— Danny DeVito (@DannyDeVito) May 19, 2017
Leanne Wood’s burn of (professional football player) Paul Nuttall
🔥🔥🔥
“We all know blokes like you…You want a free divorce, it doesn’t happen that way” - Leanne Wood challenges Paul Nuttall on Brexit #BBCDebate pic.twitter.com/NxnYkS86Nd
— BBC Newsnight (@BBCNewsnight) May 31, 2017
Lib Dems’ mash-up poster of May and Farage
Let us never speak of this again.
Boris’s unfortunate fortune-teller encounter
God bless the fortune-teller who, when asked by Boris Johnson who would win the election, said Labour. Then, when he asked her to elaborate, complained that he wanted something for nothing and she didn’t provide her services for free. Boris was also involved in a bizarre moment where he tried to wrestle a Labour candidate to the ground on television, because – well, Boris.
Haha, this incredible woman. pic.twitter.com/XUM6tRSKib
— HannahJane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) June 7, 2017
This picture:
Zac Goldsmith holding this dachshund hostage
someone call the rspca pic.twitter.com/q5SRrBMCLj
— 🎀alby🎀 (@blemsquad) June 2, 2017
AND, FINALLY, IN MORE DACHSHUND NEWS:
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