BEING: SUNDERLAND
To lose a manager by October could, of course, be considered an accident but since Mick McCarthy was sent skittering into the Stadium Of Light car park on his trousers in March 2006, Sunderland have kept their HR dept in gainful employment to the tune of eight managers in nine years. Or 11 if you include the quintessential caretaker Eric Black’s one-game stint and Kevin Ball’s double go at bellowing from the touchline.
Over the years there has been plenty of entertainment, just very little of it on the pitch. There was the ketchup, phone and iced drink ban. There was the Gus Poyet Magic Extravaganza as he made an entire stadium of people disappear long before matches had finished. Then there were Danny Higginbotham’s claims that when Roy Keane was in charge, he marched his side into the dressing room before a match against Aston Villa and told them: “Listen lads. Basically you’re sh1t. Try and enjoy the game. You’re probably going to get beat. But just enjoy being sh1t.” Still in his role as Sunderland cheerleader, Keane said recently that he wasn’t surprised D1ck Advocaat walked out on the club, pointing out that “it’s Sunderland, isn’t it?” But the question as to who might be the next manager to be handed a P45 from the overworked team in HR is somewhat trickier to answer.
Having not had the big call from Real Madrid or Inter that he was expecting, Sam Allardyce is the favourite. But if he is to adequately provide the entertainment factor of his predecessors, he’ll have to do better than just signing Kevin Nolan to make himself feel at home. Or perhaps he could just strut up and down the touchline dressed like this.
Sean Dyche is another being considered, but yelling and then going hoarse is probably not going to compete on the entertainment scale with, say, nerdish former Black Cats boss Woody Allen making such a success of the job that club suits felt they had to turn to Paolo Di Canio. So that leaves former USA! USA!! USA!!! and Egypt coach Bob Bradley, a man with no experience of dealing with a squad that features Lee Cattermole. Let’s be honest, this one has Sunderland written all over it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He eats, lives, breathes and thinks football day after day and is a fantastic addition to any team. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for him in his next venture” – Borussia Dortmund’s Mats Hummels gets his come-and-get-me-plea in early before Jürgen Klopp gets the Liverpool gig.
FIVER LETTERS
“You have outdone yourself, Fiver. I never thought I’d see a photo of a bunch of hacks in hysterics with Roy Keane doing stand-up comedy behind the microphones (yesterday’s Quote of the Day). What’s more, I never thought I’d see a mention of Golden Discs on Bray’s Main Street in such a serious football email (yesterday’s Fiver). I was reminded of the time in the 90s when I walked in and asked if they had Bob Geldof’s new CD. ‘Yeah, but it’s sh1te!’ came the helpful reply. That certainly beats the long-winded ‘customer reviews’ on Amazon we have to make do with these days. I miss record shops. But at least we still have Roy to keep us all cheerful” – Justin Kavanagh.
“The only thing in the last 20 years that has been more annoying than Alanis Morrissette not singing about things that are actually ironic is people pointing out that Alanis Morrissette is not singing about things that are actually ironic (yesterday’s Fiver). But as I suspect you do things like this just to ensure the ‘Letters’ section doesn’t go empty, I guess you are forgiven” – Sam Carpenter.
“Here’s how it’s done properly” – Jörg Michner.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Justin Kavanagh.
NEXT GENERATION 2015
Big Website’s writers have scoured the globe in search of the world’s best young players … and Dejan Lovren’s brother. Here’s a whizzy interactive with 50 of them, while you can also check out how the 2014 intake have fared since last year’s edition.
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BITS AND BOBS
Fifa presidential hopeful Chung Mong-joon continues to have plenty to say for himself. Now he’s threatening to sue Sepp Blatter for $100m in damages and compensation. “Like the dungeon in the Fifa HQ, Fifa has become a very secretive place,” he warned. So a Fifa dungeon exists …
A spot of ankle-gah “threatens” Wayne Rooney’s chances of figuring in England’s meaningless qualifier against Estonia. Oh well.
West Ham Ladies captain Stacey Little has refused to go quietly after being released by the Hammers, claiming she was being forced out for “having a voice”.
Mamadou Sakho says he felt like a “caged lion” under Brendan Rodgers at Liverpool, in a damning indictment of the Northern Irishman’s role-play ice-breakers.
Arsenal are on track to win the title again, reckons Mesut Özil, giddy on Sunday’s 20-minute goal glut against Manchester United. What could possibly go wrong?
And Oldham have appointed David Dunn as their new manager, the former Blackeye Rovers and Birmingham midfielder tasked with ensuring the longest-serving League One club, er, remain the longest-serving League One club?
STILL WANT MORE?
David Squires on … Liverpool sacking Brendan Rodgers. All kinds of good.
From exile to Euro 2016? Amy Lawrence explains how Lassana Diarra came back from the brink.
Marina Hyde on Sepp Blatter, Fifa and its sponsors. You’ll want to read.
Jürgen Klopp is just the man to turn up the volume at Anfield, writes Raphael Honigstein.
Are Greece the worst No1 seed in European Championship qualifying history? The Knowledge has the answer.
Goals of the week, goals of the week, goals of the week … goals of the week!
Martin Laurence takes a look at the Premier League’s underperforming (but undropped) players, for the Sport Network. Spoiler alert: stars Branislav Ivanovic.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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