The United States Congress is a strange and wonderful place populated by some powerfully odd people. How weird are we talking? Well, Louisiana Senator John Kennedy set out yesterday to enlighten us all about the dangers of eating radioactive shrimp.
Okay, cool. Not the top of my priority list, but I guess people probably shouldn’t do that. So, how did Kennedy choose to make this argument? Well, he put up a giant image of the Chestburster Alien from 1979’s Alien and said, “This is what you can end up looking like if you eat some of the raw, frozen shrimp”:
Meanwhile in the United States Congress… pic.twitter.com/qh0ELoYeeB
— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) September 3, 2025
Is it though? Can you really end up looking like that? Here’s what he said:
“This is a photograph of the alien from the movie Alien. This is what you can end up looking like if you eat some of the raw, frozen shrimp being sent to the United States by other countries. Now let me tell you what I’m talking about. In late August, the FDA found that raw frozen shrimp from Indonesia was being sold in Walmart.”
Kennedy went on to pose the question we’re all wondering. While gesturing to the alien photo, he said, “So if you eat it, how could you end up looking like the alien in Alien?” A tense pause as observers leaned forward, awaiting what’s sure to be a totally sane answer:
“Because the shrimp was radioactive!”
Ah, we’re working on Godzilla rules. Cool. Kennedy continued, “I kid you not. It had a radioactive isotope in it called Caesium-137, it’ll kill ya! Even if it doesn’t turn you into the Alien if you eat this stuff, I guarantee you’ll grow an extra ear!”
In Congress, no one can hear you scream
Food contamination is a serious issue, with lax regulations and poor inspections ensuring that Americans are exposed to some nightmarishly poor quality food, much of which is banned from consumption in other first-world countries.
Even so, Kennedy’s baffling decision to illustrate this by saying it’ll turn you into a xenomorph trivializes the whole issue. I guess the idea was that being weird would draw attention to you (mission accomplished), but if that attention is everyone pointing, laughing, and thinking you’ve completely lost your mind, you may have undermined your point.
Plus, if there were shrimp that turned you into a xenomorph, we somehow suspect that MAGA would make eating them a point of pride, with slimy biomechanical hives taking over red states as their inhabitants become drooling, violent monsters hellbent on forced impregnation that kills the host.
Huh. Actually, maybe Kennedy has a point after all.
