Olivia, 28
My libido is surging and I suddenly want it all the time, which is thrilling’
Finlay and I became parents in our early 20s, so while all our friends were shagging around we were virtually sexless. Breastfeeding is such an intimate thing, and for the 22 months I did it that was the only closeness I felt open to. I had this strong feeling that there were only so many people I could service with my body. Kitchen closed.
It’s only now, four years later, that we’ve started having really indulgent sex again. We’re expecting another baby and, surprisingly, it’s my pregnancy that has turbo-charged our sex life. I’m in the second trimester, which is meant to be the horniest time, and I feel curvy but not whale-like. My libido is surging and I suddenly want it all the time, which is thrilling.
Of course, sex while pregnant requires adaptations. I have to be on top, so my bump doesn’t get squished. If I suffer a little pain or feel the baby kick, I can suddenly lose the sexual feeling. Often, we will avoid penetration altogether, so I’m more comfortable, and use our hands instead.
Finlay and I got together so young that our blueprint for sex in the early years was almost teenlike. The sex was exclusively penetrative and I don’t think I even expected to climax. These days, the focus of a session will be that I orgasm, too.
Sex usually happens at odd moments because we have a four-year-old in the house and we are slaves to her schedule. Now she’s at nursery, we have a little window in the middle of the day that we like to take advantage of. We both work from home so we tend to do it during our lunch break. Sometimes, it feels naughty doing it in broad daylight. For a brief moment, we feel like two wild, spontaneous lovers, who just can’t help but succumb. Then I remember that we’re two sensible parents, and practically speaking, it’s now or never.
I have this worry in the back of my mind that I will go off sex all over again after I give birth. I’m resigned to that possibility, as I can’t change the fact that being in my body will feel different. So, while I still feel rambunctious, I intend to make the most of it.
Finlay, 28
As a parent, sex becomes like sleep: you get it when you can
Olivia is fuller and more curvaceous these days and we’re having a lot of joyful sex. She can’t do certain positions, but we’re developing work-arounds. We’re doing more foreplay and oral sex and fingering, but not the 14-year-olds’ version – there’s a lot of clitoral stimulation.
Sex is no longer a night-time activity, but something done in the day when our daughter is at nursery, or more hastily when she is having a nap. Sometimes, we put on the TV for her, so we can sneak off. As a parent, sex becomes like sleep: you get it when you can. If I want two hours with Olivia, I catch myself thinking: that’s a film our daughter needs to watch. Or, if it’s at night, I think: can I afford to sacrifice that much sleep? I need a minimum of half an hour to properly provide for Olivia, because there is less guarantee that she will have an easy orgasm.
I know after Olivia had our daughter she felt less confident in her body for a while, but it didn’t affect how attractive I found her. Although I couldn’t enjoy her breasts in the same way, as they served a more functional purpose. Of course, I know I don’t have ownership over Olivia’s body, but there is a strange physical aspect to lactating breasts that removes any sense that they’re yours.
I don’t worry that we’ll have less sex after the birth because I know it will pick up again. We’ve been together for nine years and experienced many different phases of life. I imagine that once the baby is born, sex will be more difficult as there will be less privacy and even more interruptions. The old tactics of putting the television on might not even work for two children, four years apart. Will they even want to watch the same thing?
Until Olivia has the second baby, our daughter is going to be watching a lot of films. We need to make proper use of that strategy, while it still works.
As told to Elena Angelides
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